A New Vision

In the last post, I felt compelled to put my concerns about radical unschooling philosophy and the way it is practiced on the table, without any sugar coating or regard for diplomacy. That was not to judge anyone's choice of unschooling, for I did conclude previously that Christians certainly can apply some tenets of this method within the boundaries of their faith, which to me is the truest expression of freedom, particularly in the form of Catholicism. My research has also led me to conclude that "radical" in the Catholic sense is quite different than the original, secular concept of unschooling. It has been suggested that I don't understand the philosophy, but I think that perhaps I understand it too well. I have read between the lines and found a lack of substance and a host of logical error. In practice, RU, for many but not all, tends toward unparenting, or benign neglect. Unparenting, however, can happen regardless of the educational philosophy which is employed.

I have been researching and applying unschooling philosophy and practices for the past several months, and yes, much learning happens naturally, and I fervently believe that interest-led education and the pursuit of one's passions leads to deep learning and great joy. Surely, that is God's will for our lives, to have life abundantly, as Jesus said. However, the only way I think unschooling could be sufficient is if it is done very intentionally, and if direct teaching is not thrown out the window. There has to be a partnership paradigm that is a balance of parent- and child-led education, encompassing all aspects of life, with the authority squarely in the hands of parents. Some would argue that this is not unschooling, so surely anyone can see this dilemma for the Christian parent? I am taking a sabbatical from blogging for at least this week, so everyone please have a safe and happy Independence Day. When I come back, I'm going to look at the unschooling buzzwords and the problem with semantical hair-splitting and fear mongering that I have witnessed. I trust the Holy Spirit to guide me to the bottom of the well, to discover the pure water waiting there. And I will share the bucket!

Gospel of Freedom

Your own holiness is the best “gospel of freedom” you can offer. If you are holy and happy, people will know you are somehow different, and they will want what you have.

— from Catholic and Confident


This passage from the Franciscan "Minute Meditations" that I receive daily in my email inbox reflects the freedom within peaceful borders that I have been talking about in relation to unschooling. I was really turned off, when I spent some time with Facebook groups, by the radical unschooling notion that "freedom within limits is not freedom," a direct quote I read on one of them. It comes down to how one defines freedom. Anarchy is not freedom. For me, life without Christ and his Church is not freedom. I still wonder whether I should claim radical unschooling as a Catholic after all, for the sake of redefining what that can mean for a person of faith. 

It disturbs me to witness Christians being sucked into the secular rhetoric of radical unschooling, where it is implied that only in very specified terms can peaceful parenting be practiced, and only in being what some consider "fully RU" are children truly "free". Indeed, this is often billed as the only authentic form of unschooling, and its their way or the highway! Where does this nonsense come from? Well, the short story is that John Holt coined the term unschooling, by which he simply meant homeschooling--learning without the confines of school and its traditional trappings. But it was felt by some that the Christian community had taken homeschooling over with the development of their own curricula, so unschooling was branded as a different animal, and any curriculum use or set schedule became anathema. 

Then Sandra Dodd decided that the unschooling philosophy must be applied to all facets of life, which for her and many others somehow translates into children doing whatever they want, whenever they want. Somehow living by "principles" rather than "rules" (though these are in certain ways synonymous) will save the family from bedlam, and everyone will be balanced and self-regulated. But that isn't what is happening with, for instance, the mother who let her kid drink as much soda as he wanted, and then that's all he wanted for weeks. He stopped eating food, and she felt like she couldn't interfere because that wasn't "RU"!! This boy was 6 years old. Somewhere along the way, perhaps having become disenchanted with being slaves to a curriculum, some Christians picked up unschooling and tried their best to apply it within a Christian framework. The question is, can this be done?

Ironically, this radical unschooling version of freedom for children requires the adherence by parents to a strict system of rules put forth by such unschooling gurus, to the extent that the word "cult" started to float around in my brain. I just got so frustrated, wanting to embrace some of these ideas yet so repelled by some others. Too many parents seem to have ceased to think for themselves or to use an iota of common sense that I just couldn't bear to be part of the unschooling groups any more. I even left the Christian and Catholic ones--though the extreme problems were much less prevalent there--so I could clear my head and begin with a clean slate. Do I let the dream of living and learning joyfully that unschooling promises die, or do I dream a new, truly Catholic dream for unschooling? The thing is, many of those radical unschoolers are miserable and their children tell them they hate them. When they ask for help, the gurus and other RU parents often just tell them they aren't doing it right; they aren't "RU" enough. That is certainly not the case across the board, but these poor souls need a better way.

Suzie Andres wrote the book on Catholic unschooling, but I think it has got to go deeper, because the secular voices are so much louder. Radical unschooling as it stands allows for spirituality, but only in the sense of religious indifferentism, because it really has its own dogma. Despite what Suzie and her philosopher husband concluded about unschooling not being an ideology, and therefore being in no conflict of interest with Catholicism, it just is not so when it comes to the radical version. Unless, of course, we Catholics entirely redefine what it means to be radical. It really shouldn't be that hard. The Church has been around for 2000 years, while radical unschooling has maybe a few decades under its belt. You want radical? Then be a Catholic. 

Why not just leave off the word "radical" and be done with it? Because if we say that ideally there should be no separation between learning and life, which is essentially what unschooling means, then it is by nature radical; that is, all encompassing. In that I agree with Sandra Dodd. Radical literally means "from the root". And Catholic education is supposed to be an entity that does not separate learning from the Faith, according to the Magisterium. Again, we have a deep sense of rootedness. By its very nature, it follows that Catholic unschooling is radical, but obviously not in the way Sandra Dodd means. Hence my desire to set this dish on a clean plate.

I don't think we can Catholicize an educational method and lifestyle that preaches a freedom without limits dogma. That being said, I don't believe that even the most RU parents don't have their limits. What I have seen in these unschooling groups is a state of deep, secular humanist indoctrination. That is why I opted for the label, Catholic Natural Learning, instead of Radical Unschooling. Happiness and Freedom outside of the Church? Forget about it! But religious issues aside, the way of living some families have adopted by following the RU dogma as they understand it is not healthy by any standard.

I really wanted to be done with this topic, but I can't leave souls drifting and confused and mislead in this sweet-smelling radical unschooling muck. It almost happened to me, because a lot of what Dayna Martin (author of Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun) says is truly inspiring, and I admire her in many ways. But I kept hearing the Virgin Mary quietly clearing her throat. So I'm probably not done--not by a long shot.   

 "The Virgin Mary in the Rose Garden," Albert Gustav Aristedes Edelfelt (1854-1905)

Polish.

Today I gave myself a pedicure on my balcony sanctuary. Simply having a balcony sanctuary, especially on a lovely, mild, sunny June day, should be good enough to make anyone happy. But I was in a funk today. The week started out with a bit of a traumatic experience. We were at the Renaissance Faire on Father's Day, and "Great Aunt Flo" decided to visit. Luckily I was wearing dark-colored shorts. Such a thing has not happened to me since the 7th grade! As usual, my period wiped my energy out this week, and I didn't feel like doing much. One good piece of advice I learned in Al-Anon was, "Do the next right thing."

Yesterday I did the wrong things. I drank too much coffee, ate too much sugar, and was up not feeling so well in my stomach in the middle of the night. So I began today with an oatmeal breakfast and ginger tea with honey. I would care for myself better, I vowed! I threw in a load of laundry and hand washed a belly dance top I will need tomorrow. I polished my toenails, finally having enough regrowth on the big toe where I had the nail surgically removed. I knew that feeling prettier and not wanting to hide my feet would cheer me up. I also colored my hair to cover the grays. I still really, really didn't wish to practice dancing, but I made myself while my family went to the library. I do feel better. I also helped Beezy with her 4-H dog program book, which I really had no desire to do either.

I had a choice. I could continue to feel overwhelmed and unmotivated, or I could push through the blue fog and carry on. I could take some time to read something edifying, write in my journal, eat healthy, do a little housework, talk to my husband, water my flowers, and bring some joy, even if I had to drag it by the ear, into my day. The sun is still shining as it is going down, and I have the peace of knowing that the day was not wasted. My daughter will read to me tonight, and I'll read to her, and we will say our prayers and go to sleep. Simply abundant. Life.

"I Love to Read!"

Recently Beezy was reading to me at bedtime, which is now part of our regular routine. When I said it was time to shut off the light, she said, "Aw, but I love to read!" I swear I heard angels singing. Actually, I felt a strange calm. A love of reading--this was always my goal. Not that she would begin to read at a certain age, or read at or above grade level, or be able to learn about things through reading, but that she would develop the enjoyment of reading for its own sake. In fact, according to Beezy, reading is now her favorite part of bedtime! I know all sorts of grown up people who can read but don't like to. They don't do it unless they have to, such as when they must study for a test, or maybe to read a text message or Facebook comment. "Reading" and "fun" never appear for them in the same sentence. That a child isn't reading fluently by the first grade--or by age 10--is no big deal. That a person never loves to read--this is tragic. Of epic, Shakespearean proportions.

In a recent conversation, Beezy said to me, "I didn't mean it literally." I wish I could remember what we were talking about. Here I have a child who just turned nine years old, who knows the difference between the literal and the figurative. Could she spell "literally" correctly or even read it? Most likely not. But she can express the understanding of the abstract concept of the word. She can use it correctly in a sentence. When her reading and writing skills catch up, look out!

There is so much pressure on homeschooling parents to meet the expectations of others--even of those who don't like to read. Even from those who have never read a word of Shakespeare, never written a poem, and couldn't spell Ophelia or define "codpiece" to save their lives. If that pressure is put on a child, the bud will never open into the beautiful flower of loving to learn, which translates into loving life and being a whole and joyful person, a radiant soul. Nipping that bud in the name of being at grade level is criminal. Insidious. That means evil. That means you won't hear the choirs of angels singing when your child proclaims, "I love to read!" As for me, I will save Ophelia.

That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream.

There with fantastic garlands did she come

Of crowflowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples,

That liberal shepherds give a grosser name,

But our cold maids do “dead men’s fingers” call them.

There, on the pendant boughs her coronet weeds

Clambering to hang, an envious sliver broke,

When down her weedy trophies and herself

Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide,

And mermaid-like a while they bore her up,

Which time she chanted snatches of old lauds

As one incapable of her own distress,

Or like a creature native and indued

Unto that element. But long it could not be

Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,

Pulled the poor wretch from her melodious lay

To muddy death.   --from "Hamlet" by William Shakespeare

Rules.

Every May I go on a weekend long dance retreat in Loveland, OH. When I returned from my annual trip last month, Beezy informed me with a big smile that she and her dad had broken all of my rules while I was gone. Rules? I have rules? I was not aware of this. I don't think that "strict" is an adjective people would generally apply to me. So I was very curious to know what were these rules that it was apparently such a joy to break! There were only two mentioned--Beezy slept in my space on the bed, and she and her dad wrestled at bedtime. I disapprove of rough-housing right before bed, as Beezy usually has a hard time falling asleep as it is. Yep, I'm hard core all right! Nearly a bastion of rules.

I do have rules about no running in the house, and if friends come to play, they are required to help clean up before they leave. But mostly we just naturally run on principles, and any rules follow from those. Maybe this is because of my Montessori background. I believe that children should know the reasons behind any restrictions. Only this way can interior motivation to do the right thing exist. Arbitrarily imposed rules set only for the convenience of adults don't fulfill that ultimate goal. Because I'm the adult and I said so... What does this teach? Children learn that if they want power, they have to be bossy, even bullies, to get it.

Increasingly I am aware of the nature of conflicts with others over my parenting style. We are coming from an entirely different paradigm. For example, when Beezy hit someone, I would talk to her about how that makes the other person feel, and that we don't want to hurt people, and that when we do, we make amends. I would also seek to understand the reason, the need underlying the behavior. The mainstream response would be to belittle and punish, to think badly of the child, and by extension, the parents. What are those people doing wrong in raising their child, that she would hit someone? One thing that has always stuck with me was the teaching of my Montessori training, that these children have only lived on this earth for three or four or six years. They have not had the time and experience that adults have had to learn to control such impulses and to find better ways to communicate their needs.

Even among adults, instances of throwing things, hitting, cursing, and screaming are not rare. For a child, the impulse to kick, hit, yell, or throw something comes quite naturally. What good can come from punishment with more of the same? Or even the shaming of a time out or taking away a toy? Children begin to believe that they are "bad," and people who think they are bad often do very bad things. We witness constantly a gross lack of empathy in the world. A complete disconnect from the idea of putting oneself into the shoes of another, and trying to understand. If empathy is not role modeled for children, and is withheld from them, how can they learn it?

Jesus admonishes us to become like children if we want to get to heaven. I think he is asking us to put ourselves into their smaller shoes, to see His light shining in their eyes. Too often adults do not take the time to observe what is really going on with a child. We take the easy way out. The lazy way. When Beezy is all grown up, I want to be able to echo the poetic words of Robert Frost: But I, I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

A Modified Homeschooling Fleur de Lis

 

Our homeschooling approval letter arrived today. The superintendent is always very prompt; I only turned in my paper work on Monday! This means that the evaluation by a certified teacher was completed and my curriculum outline finished. Not only that, but aside from what we will borrow from the library, I have all of the books we will use for the upcoming school year organized into a basket and an antique egg crate. These are next to our shelves of games and other fun, educational activities. A freshly dusted and tidied set of shelves, I might add! If you remember reading it, or in case you didn't, Order on the Homestead was one of the upper petals of my original "little way of homeschooling" fleur de lis. The center petal was Catholic Faith Formation, and the other was Charlotte Mason/Open Source Learning. The base segments represented Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Now that I have had time to delve deeply into studying unschooling, and have determined that many of the positive points are also found in Montessori and CM, I think I will modify the format. Catholic Faith Formation will actually be at the foundation, tying everything together, with the members of the Holy Family still in their places. The Faith is central to our lives, home (domestic church), and educational efforts. It should guide and permeate the methods (petals) used above the base. Since I am now calling our homeschooling philosophy Catholic Natural Learning, the upper domain of the fleur de lis will be Montessori, Charlotte Mason, and Unschooling. These are all natural methods. Order is intrinsic to Montessori's philosophy, while CM is strong on good habit formation. There is then no need for a separate category of "order on the homestead".

While unschooling's benefits are basically included in the other two methods, the emphasis on joyful living; partnering with children in learning; treating children respectfully and as equal people; acknowledging that the child is the primary agent in his or her learning; balancing the needs of all family members; and passionately pursuing interests has been such a good influence on me that I want to keep these principles in the forefront of my mind.

One more very important point to mention. Maria Montessori, Charlotte Mason, and John Holt were all brilliant educational reformers, and each cared deeply for children. However, none of these was ever a parent but Maria, who was not instrumental in raising her son, Mario. As carefully and mindfully as they observed children, none of them were ever homeschoolers. They were all classroom teachers, though after leaving teaching, Holt spent much time with families in their own homes. As much inspiration as we may glean from these folks, our own experience and intuition trumps any scholarly advice or modern educational guru. We know our children best. We know best what they need to learn and thrive as human beings. And if we aren't sure, no one cares more about finding out than we do. So trust in God, and trust yourselves!

I do not believe that the full burden of education and decision-making, or even the greater part of it, should ever rest on children. As they age and mature, certainly they can handle ever-increasing autonomy. Gradually. The gentle authority of parents should be exercised. Consistency is important. Peaceful borders (limits) are necessary. These elements create security for children and are part and parcel of the parental vocation. In fact, I would say that they are all quite... natural. 

Lush.

Summer is still feeling a bit uncertain, it seems. Our public pool opened today, and though it was only 68 degrees and had been raining on and off, Beezy was really excited, so bravely we went! She slid down the tornado water side twice, and that was it. It was just too chilly for her to swim. I knew going in that this was likely to happen, but rather than arguing about the weather, I allowed my child to find out for herself why such days do not make for excellent pool days. I told her afterward that it costs $2 to get in, and that while I didn't want her to feel bad about it, next time we come she needs to be in the water. So if she thinks it might not be warm enough, it would be best to make a different choice. A great lesson learned, and wonderful practice for me of the ideas gleaned from unschooling!

Just as with the slow start to spring this year, my yard tells me what season it is (although summer has not officially begun), regardless of the weather. Summer flowers are blooming and everything is filling in with green. Enjoy these lush, visual delights!!

 coleus, begonias, and geraniums

I plant these urns with some of the soil left over from last year, compost from our pile, and a little topsoil to cover.

iris

Everything's coming up roses...

hollyhock

poppies