Infiltration: The Plot to Destroy the Catholic Church from Within, by Dr. Taylor Marshall, will be released May 31. I've been following Dr. Marshall's YouTube show, "TnT," co-hosted with Timothy Gordon. These guys shoot straight from the hip about all-the-things surrounding the ongoing crisis in the Church. The goal of this book is to provide an explanation for what and who led to the events and revelations related to the 2018 "summer of shame." Last summer exposed for the world a systemic sex abuse scandal involving the highest levels of Church hierarchy and reaching back many decades.
How can the laity help to heal and restore the Body of Christ? I'm awaiting Dr. Marshall's recommendations, but I've already begun to implement small steps of my own. Many Catholics have been calling for a return to tradition for some time, especially in the liturgy of the Mass. Some are fortunate to have regular access to the Tridentine Mass, or Traditional Latin Mass, and have been spiritually edified by what they feel is a more reverent worship of God. Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI re-instituted this pre-Vatican II form of the Mass while he was still the acting pope. He asked that the faithful refer to this as the Extraordinary Form. (The 2nd Vatican Council was held from 1962-1965.)
The Ordinary Form of the Mass, instituted after Vatican II, is the one most available across the world and is spoken in the vernacular languages. It's often referred to as the Novus Ordo. Unfortunately, division has been created by liturgical abuses in the Ordinary Form and by those who prefer one form over the other, with very vocal protests. I won't go into the reasons for the debate here, but you can read all about it on the Internet. Do be aware that there's a lot of misinformation out there.
One approach to bridging the gap is to return, even if only on an individual basis, to more traditional practices in both worship during the Mass and in private devotions. Near to where I live, the Extraordinary Form is only available once a month, at a parish in an adjoining county. I've been to it a couple of times, but my family has always attended the Ordinary Form otherwise. Even with a guide to follow the Latin with English translations, I was honestly lost during the Tridentine Mass. I plan to go again soon so I can make a better evaluation of the differences between the two forms.
Last Sunday I began to receive the Eucharist on the tongue rather than in the hand, and to make sure that I'm in line to receive from either the priest or deacon, rather than from lay persons (known as Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion, who can only distribute the Eucharist in the Ordinary Form). In the Tridentine Mass, the Eucharist can only be received on the tongue and is distributed exclusively by a priest or deacon. Here, only the host (the bread) is available. Both the bread and wine can be received at the Novus Ordo.
I felt a profound difference immediately from receiving the consecrated bread on the tongue. I'd been feeling awkward and uncomfortable receiving in the hand and from a lay person. These practices are allowed in the U.S. and do not desecrate the Eucharist, which Catholics believe is the Real Presence of Jesus, body, blood, soul, and divinity, in the transubstantiated bread and wine. In order to receive the consecrated wine, doing so from a lay person is unavoidable at the parishes I attend, but it's fine to receive the host alone. And since the wine is in a chalice and isn't directly touched by the Extraordinary Ministers, I'm more comfortable with it.
Today I
wore a head scarf, in the tradition of women veiling, a practice which goes back to the early Church and is a biblical exhortation.
The Church no longer requires women to veil at the Mass, but from what I understand, this was never officially stated. Rather, the requirement was only omitted from an update to Canon Law at some point following Vatican II. My feeling is that women can have a profound impact in their parishes by taking up this devotion in humility to Christ and as role models for the restoration of tradition. I have veiled at other times, and once it brought such great joy to a man who had grown up with women veiling at church. He said to my husband, "You must be so proud of her!" I feel an internal shift toward piety when I wear a head covering at Mass, and I don't think I'll be able to go without it anymore.
In so many ways our modern society is faltering, failing, and sinking into the abyss as a result of the loss and intentional rejection of traditional values. As the rot in the hierarchy is rooted out, we can return to the roots of our Faith. The solution is not to leave the Church. I converted to Catholicism because I came to believe that this is the one Church founded by Jesus on the rock he named Peter. I believe that in this Church, full of snakes and sinners, the fullest expression of Christian Truth can be found. I believe in the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist, and I will not be deprived of this spiritual nourishment. Don't let Satan win. Fight in your own little way, until the light you shine becomes irrepressible.
My goal for this summer is to continue to implement ideas for the restoration of tradition in Catholic worship and with my family in the domestic church, and to create a picture for you of how all this fits with the virtue of simplicity. Please share your own ideas and practices in the comments!
St. Rita of Cascia, patroness of Impossible Causes, pray for us!
I stumbled across the idea on the internet to give up clutter for Lent via the "40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge" (see https://www.whitehouseblackshutters.com/). Basically, you remove 40 bags of stuff from your home during the course of Lent, through giving away, throwing away, recycling, or selling your possessions. In terms of simplicity, this plan hits the mark! Last year I tried to give up multiple things at once, form entirely new habits, and overhaul my life in one fell swoop. This year's plan is uncomplicated.
I think I've decided to ditch using a particular method. Each decluttering/tidying approach is proclaimed to be The One, isn't it? They can't all be The One. I'm just going in with a bag, buckling down, going through stuff, filling the bag, and then either emptying the contents in the trash or recycling bin, or taking them to a new home. There's enough clutter available that I can just tackle whatever I feel like on a given day.
Have I filled a bag every day in the last week? No. But I aim to reach the 40 bag goal by Friday of Holy Week. I had the thought that at the end, I may have barely made a dent in my clutter, and that would be so disappointing! That's the devil talking. Why bother to begin if you will never reach the end? he taunts. Flick him off your shoulder.
With each bag I fill, I'm coming out of hiding. I'm rediscovering lost bits of myself and my life, and I'm letting go of what no longer serves me.
Personally, I don't want to make the effort to sell my stuff. That could easily turn into procrastination. The exception would be homeschooling materials that are worth a substantial amount of money that my husband could put on Ebay. Otherwise I'd rather donate, and it is the prime season for almsgiving, after all.
How large should your bags be? I recommend small bags so you can quickly see the clutter leaving your home. I don't want to let bags sit for days on end, waiting to be filled and then getting too heavy for me to haul out on my own. Yesterday I filled a plastic bag with paper clutter, dumped it into the recycling bin, and took the bag back to the room to use again. However the plan works best for you is the best plan. Maybe don't even count your bags. Just spend 15 minutes a day letting go of things that you don't find to be either useful or beautiful. When you figure out what you really need to keep, you'll have only what you truly need to live your best life. Isn't that an end worth pursuing?
The Great Gatsby
I was recently talking with a couple of other ladies, when one of them, several years into her 50s, suddenly proclaimed that "we've peaked." My initial reaction was to want to shoot back with, "Speak for yourself!" After all, I just turned 50 at the end of December, and everything in me cried out in rejection of this proclamation. I don't remember the context of the conversation, but my friend was referring to our status of beauty. I ended up responding, "You haven't known me very long. How do you know this isn't the best I've ever been?"
There was no answer to that question, but the comment lingered with me. A few days later, I woke up thinking of the fictional character Jay Gatsby, from F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, set in 1922. I told my husband about it, reflecting on this man's remarkable reinvention of himself. "But Gatsby died," Husband insisted. Yet despite the tragic outcome of his efforts to obtain great wealth, glamour and status to win back Daisy Buchanan, the former flame of his younger, impoverished years, I replied that Gatsby's was nevertheless a brilliant reinvention.
Jay Gatsby never exactly lied about his life and the origins of his wealth. His real name was James Gatz, so he kept pretty close to it. In the melting pot of America it wasn't unusual for family names to have been altered to sound less ethnic, so the jazzing up of his name wasn't particularly deceptive. He claimed to have inherited his money, which originally was true, but the inheritance was contested and taken from him. He also called himself an "Oxford man." While he didn't graduate from Oxford, he did spend several months there while serving in the military. His current wealth was earned by less than legal enterprises, but he was simply vague about the details of his business. Exotic rumors abounded about this mysterious tycoon, adding to his allure. He threw lavish party after party and was the toast of New York society.
Jackie Kennedy came to mind, and how I had heard that she may have exaggerated her French heritage for the sake of her chic image. Don't we all strive to show ourselves to the world in the best possible light? Perhaps if we focused more energy on our goals and put our imaginations to better use, the life we dream might come closer to being the life we have...
Poor Gatsby was a dreamer, living in the past while at the same time attempting to rewrite the story, and projecting his illusions on his married lover. While he may not be the most ideal person to wish to emulate, there's much to be gleaned from his knack for reinventing one's "brand." His character is immensely relatable--an incurable romantic, desperately searching for meaning in his life, striving to recapture the happiness of the past and reconcile it with his present reality. And set in the vivid Jazz Age of the 1920s, it appeals to my nostalgic attraction to all things vintage.
Jay Gatsby never gave up hope. He believed to the end. One of my plans for Lent this year, which begins in three days, is to embark on a radical reinvention. Will I change my name? Maybe. What I'm thinking is that no one else should get to decide that you have "peaked," that you've hit the height of your beauty or anything else, and the rest is all downhill. In fact, the idea of peaking is just plain silly. Imagine if Grandma Moses, having decided she had peaked, had never started painting at all! My belief is that women need to give up betraying themselves and one another. I will be exploring how we betray ourselves and what to do about it in the coming weeks.
Have you ever embarked on a reinvention of your life? What were the results? Please share your experiences in the comments!
St. Joan of Arc
The last time I posted here, I was 49 years old. I turned 50 on December 29, and I'm not sure I'm used to the idea quite yet. I think women are so conditioned to react in a certain way about this milestone that it's difficult to tell how one really feels.
I certainly felt shock. I imagine that's to be expected. And like my mother before me, I didn't want too much fanfare about the whole thing. My parents came to town, and my husband, daughter, and I went out for dinner with them. I received gifts, for both my birthday and Christmas. My sister and best friend called on the telephone to sing "Happy Birthday" to me, and of course I got many well wishes from Facebook friends.
I thought of having a bigger celebration this month of January, as my birthday falls between Christmas and the New Year, when many people are busy and/or exhausted. But to be honest, the idea of it felt stressful. Just thinking about who to invite was overwhelming. I had to ask myself, "Self, what does your heart really desire?" Not just for the birthday itself, but for this new phase of life?
Because that's what it is. Maybe especially for a woman, 50 is about embarking on a new journey. I haven't hit menopause yet, and I'm still raising a child, but some women my age are post-menopausal, empty-nesters. I'm technically still in the "summer" of life, but the next season is right around the corner, and there's no more denying that I have reached middle age. My clever rationale is that one cannot truly know when one's middle age was until death. But being that I'm not likely to live too much past 100, I can no longer avoid the middle age label, even to myself. It's here.
So now what? Does anything actually have to change? Besides continuing to get older, nothing technically must change just because I've hit not only a new decade, but the half-century mark. People will tell you that "age is just a number." That's not really a helpful saying when one turns the big 5-0. Plus, this attitude, that it's no big deal after all, side-steps what can be an excellent opportunity to head in an exciting new direction.
I actually began some positive changes last year, such as giving up dairy for Lent. Though I've had some milk chocolate and a few slices of cheese pizza since then, for the most part I've kicked the dairy habit. In the process I've shed about 14 pounds! I actually weigh less now than I did in my 40s, so ha!! I've given away many pieces of clothing that were too large and bought smaller sizes for replacements, and that's a great feeling.
In October I purchased a bra online that was too snug. I was going to return it but didn't. Last week my husband asked me about it, and on a hunch I tried it on. Only a few months later, and it fits! Since I've continued to lose weight strictly by not consuming dairy, imagine what I could do if I was trying, like, if I kept to a consistent exercise regimen.
What I've determined that I really want for my birthday is to allow myself more good things. I've "made do" with what I had all my adult life. Only recently have I even let myself buy most of my clothing new, rather than from thrift stores. I've lived with most of the paint color choices in my home that were here when we moved in over 11 years ago. We've left home projects that seriously need to be completed undone, and there's no reason for it. Shabbiness really isn't chic, and it doesn't bode well for one's confidence and self-respect. It's time to blow the horn, yell charge!, and ride into battle.
Over the years, of necessity, I got into the habit of being very frugal. Not being wasteful, not shopping for emotional therapy, using what I had on hand creatively--all of these are good things. But I fear that deep down I haven't felt worthy to have what I want. Also, because my husband has been the primary breadwinner since our child was born, I've always cringed at spending money.
I had to force myself to buy a new bed last year, even though the mattress was 14 years old, and my back desperately needed better support. My contributions to my family are worth a pretty penny indeed, and it's okay to spend some of those shiny coins to bring more Beauty to my days. I'm not advocating gross consumerism, but rather having quality over quantity, being good stewards of one's possessions, and cultivating an authentic life.
Turning 50 is setting me free to ask for what I want and to let go of the guilt. If I don't create the life I dream of now, when will I do it? Now is the time to keep working toward my ideal weight, to paint my home and decorate to fulfill my "hacienda dreams" (see previous post), to finish decluttering in all senses of the word, and to allow myself true happiness.
No one has to wait for a particular age to be happy. But for une femme d'un certain age, I implore you that it's necessary. Now is the time to make happiness your top priority. So hop on a wild mare with me, grab your lance, and let's ride!!
This year Advent is a short season, and it's speeding by. My home is decorated for the rest of winter, so I can nestle in and enjoy the cheerful colors and lights. My teenage daughter inherited the decorating knack from my mom, and she is a wonderful help with beautifying the house. I can now dream of the new interior colors and decor I'll start implementing come February, when the crocus flowers usually appear in my yard, the first sign of spring!
I'm feeling very drawn to a Mexican country palette and style. I already have some decorative items for this motif, so with a renewal of wall colors, my hacienda dreams will come to fruition. I began with my kitchen over the summer, painting my cabinets a vivid blue, but it didn't go so well. My back can't handle it, and the paint wouldn't stick because of the humidity and easily chipped. I'm going to hire a friend of my husband who loves to paint to take over the project! I will be the visionary artist...
To update on my housekeeping goals, I definitely like this plan of having specific days for certain chores. And you don't necessarily have to do the chore on its day if it doesn't need to be done. If there isn't visible dust on the shelf or dirt on the floor, skip it! Just check what you're supposed to do on that day, and do what you can or what most needs attention. Remember, housework must have boundaries. When you are finished with the day's assigned tasks, be done! Progress, not perfection.
I started going through my jewelry to pare down and give away, or throw away if necessary. That's another lesson I'm learning--that it's okay for some items to go in the trash. We recycle or give away everything possible at my house, so I feel guilty tossing things that will go into a landfill. But maybe that painful lesson has its place. Be very intentional about what you buy, and you won't have as much to put in the trash in the long run.
I hope you're all having a blessed and Spirit-filled Advent season! What are you dreaming for spring?
Happy Advent 2018! This season of the Church Year is a special time for spiritual preparation leading to Christmas, but I'm approaching it a bit differently this year. You may not think of housekeeping when you think of Advent, but I assure you that there's a connection. Stay with me a spell.
Typically, Lent is the season when I and many others focus on decluttering and deep cleaning, but I have decided that Advent is the perfect occasion for a mini version of this idea. Usually when I decorate for Christmas/winter, I put away some of my regular decorations; but in many cases I work the holiday items around them. This year I've taken down the vast majority of the regular decorations on the walls and surfaces and then dusted and cleaned those areas thoroughly.
Those items which I don't want to keep are being given away to thrift stores, and the rest are going into the boxes that the holiday decorations came out of. They'll stay in the attic until it's time for winter to wrap up. Last year that was Groundhog Day! February (and Lent) can then be spent with a deeper cleaning and painting of the walls, a big project of redecorating that I have planned, and the regular decorations can be put back in place. No doubt some items will go on to the thrift stores, and a few new things will be purchased.
This Advent I'm also establishing some basic housekeeping routines. Yes, I've changed my mind about implementing these! Someone finally provided me with a good reason to do so--Cheryl Mendelson, in her book, Home Comforts. Cheryl has a PhD in philosophy and approaches keeping house from a philosophical perspective, as an art and science well worth pursuing. What clicked for me was her argument that house work should have an end.
By this she does not mean that housework should be done once and for all and never tackled again. Rather, there should be an end to housekeeping for the day or the week, or for a particular task. For example, she advises choosing one or two days as laundry days. The laundry then has an end in sight and isn't something you have to do every single day. Each day of the week has its appointed chores, and that's that. My personal goal is to be done with housework for the day as soon as I've cleaned up after dinner. And over break, I'm going to start assigning the dinner dishes to my teenager!
So look here ladies, you don't need to wait until the New Year to establish better habits and routines. You can gradually build up to it during Advent, and by January you will have established a workable system. Advent is also a good time to clear out your possessions, because they might make great Christmas gifts for someone else to pick up at the thrift shop. You see, then, that your housekeeping efforts can be purposeful and will pay off in the peace you get from a well-ordered and lovely home. Subsequently, you can more easily schedule time to relax by yourself or with friends and family. The manic days of keeping house are over, my friends. This is a spiritual mission, and the Lord is our strength.
Do you have Advent plans that include housekeeping? If so, please share in the comments! I'll be posting regularly on my progress and giving specifics of my daily and weekly routines. I hope you will be inspired to find your own path to holiness through making your home a clean, clutter free, orderly and beautiful domestic church!
I became confident when I stopped comparing myself to others. I wanted to be the best version of myself--not to change, but to just totally own who I am and work on me.
Today I was reading the AUG-SEPT issue of "Mary Janes Farm" magazine and came across the above quote from British plus size model, Iskra Lawrence. I think that I've been putting too much emphasis on what I want to change about myself. Perhaps this is not the best approach to making the life I have be the life I want. Iskra's idea of completely owning who I am, of going deeply into what makes me me and working authentically with that, resonates with my new direction.
Unfortunately, the people in our lives and society in general can often conspire to make us reject who we are and instead to conform to an image of who we think they want us to be. At its core this is sinful, because it distracts us from God's will for our lives and the purpose for which he created us. In effect, this outside pressure creates an idol. Perceived in that light, we have every reason to turn away from the world and from those who don't support us in becoming the best versions of ourselves.
To be fair, God does use other people to help refine us, to put us through the fire so we can come out pure gold. But so many times in our lives, despite their best intentions, loved ones, teachers, friends, and others fail to approach what they perceive to be our defects of character, talent, or bodily appearance with charity and grace, and they do us more harm than good. If the message is truly from the Holy Spirit, even if it's a hard message, we'll feel the love behind it. If charity is lacking, the message should be dropped like a hot potato.
As far as society goes, the media images we are bombarded with make it clear that our modern culture has no interest in promoting our authentic personal expression. We are grossly encouraged to conform to very narrow standards of beauty and personality.
Here's how crazy it got for me last Sunday. I was at a coffee shop, and the barista was breathtakingly beautiful. I didn't even notice what she was wearing, because it was hard to take my eyes off her face. And her makeup was perfect, a glorious use of the color orange. I left the place feeling frumpy and wilted in comparison.
The barista was very young, probably in her early 20s. A petite black woman with short hair. I'm a tall, curvy white woman who will be 50 in December. My hair is long with a lot of silver in the front. Do you notice that there is no similarity between me and the lovely barista? Why on earth would I be comparing myself to a short woman less than half my age, of another race?! This is pure madness. Why can't we admire another person without coveting those qualities of which we believe we are bereft?
I can't change my age, my height (and in fact, I like being tall!), or my race (and really, I don't desire to be another race). I don't want short hair. I think what I truly admired about the barista is that she seemed to have such a unique sense of style and beauty and to be very comfortable in her own skin. She was relaxed and confident. She was a flower in the desert. I live in a community without much cultural diversity, and it takes courage to be willing to stand out. Here, to be a gorgeous black woman rocking orange makeup takes guts.
What if I were totally willing to rock my silver tresses, my middle age curves, and the entirety of who I am without apology, without consulting anyone, without bowing to criticism, without cultural conformity, without anyone's permission but that of my maker? What if, one by one, we all became desert roses, each a unique embodiment of Wisdom the Woman? We might just set the world on fire.
