To Strengthen and Exercise the Will

 

This is the students' motto of a Charlotte Mason education, and today I am focusing on the fourth everyday duty of Achieving Peace of Heart, to strengthen and exercise my will (decision and constancy).  If you have missed the discussion so far, it begins with the Feb. 15 post.

When I was younger I was interested in yoga. I remember reading a piece of advice on the subject, which was to just show up on the mat. Whether the practice of yoga is fitting for Christians or not is a matter of hot debate, and it is not today's topic. The point is that when it comes to the way of the will, the first step is to just show up. 

Some days, I feel anxiety first thing upon waking, and I don't even want to get out of bed. I might then grab my rosary and just show up to prayer. Or I might hear the dogs wanting to go out, so I show up for that small duty. As the morning goes on, I show up in the kitchen to make coffee and put away the clean dishes. I show up to put in the first load of laundry. I have my breakfast and show up to read the Scriptures for the daily Mass. 

Every time I fight acedia to show up to do the next right thing, I am exercising my will. When I make the decision to cook dinner for my family, to write out my daughter's homeschool assignments, even to simply take a shower and get dressed, I can claim a little victory. In these days of agitation and uncertainty, sometimes I forget that I am a daughter of God; I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me; I ought to do my duty to God, to myself, and to others; and I will choose the right. 

When I neglect my duties and struggle to maintain my routines, I feel my peace slipping away. I feel guilty, which modern society insists is taboo. Should is a four-letter word. And anyway, what is the purpose of it all?? The truth is, there is good guilt and bad guilt, and we need to heed our conscience. This is impossible to do without Silence. So I do my best to find Silence first, then balance times of prayer, work, study, and rest. Curiously, there is no true leisure without the tending to responsibility, and there is no space for creativity without structure. 

The beauty of it all is that we can always begin again, each day, in each moment. If your conscience convicts you, take ownership of your failure and forgive yourself. Clinging to the guilt is the bad part. Just show up to accomplish those four, everyday duties with joy and trust in the Lord, and your purpose will be revealed.