S & F Series--The Essential Wardrobe Revisited, 2015

Some of you may remember a couple of summers ago when I did my big wardrobe purge, donating several large bags of clothing and accessories to the local thrift store. This was in large part inspired by Jennifer L. Scott's Ten-Item Wardrobe philosophy, extolled on her blog, The Daily Connoisseur, and in her Madame Chic books. Jennifer designates 10 core items for each of two seasons, spring/summer and fall/winter. She lives in Santa Monica, CA.

Jennifer is not hung up on the number 10. That is the starting point for cultivating each wardrobe, and in addition to the core items are "extras", such as t-shirts, blazers, outerwear, shoes, scarves, etc... Today she debuted her spring/summer collection for 2015 at The Daily Connoisseur. She showed 8 dresses, one skirt, and one pair of jeans for the ten core pieces. The extras included 4 t-shirts and 3 pairs of shoes. That makes a total of 17 pieces. Next week she will explain her choices one-by-one, and I imagine there will also be sunglasses, purses, jackets, and similar items added to the extras. Jewelry would be another category, and as with the rest, the number of items is pared down.

As you know, when I recently went through all of my clothing, I decided, at least for now, not to store away the off-season items. So far this has worked out very well, as we have still had chilly weather in Ohio. Yesterday at church, for example, I wore a sleeveless rayon floral maxi dress with a lace-trimmed tank top underneath, and with a long, heavy cardigan sweater over it. The sweater's colors, mostly purple, went well with the dress, and the total effect was perfect for this transitional month of April. Normally I would have stored the cardigan away, but instead I wore it as outerwear with my spring dress. I wore no hosiery, and my shoes were Frye clogs, which I recently purchased for a steal on Ebay. As of yet, these shoes are the only new items I have bought for spring/summer.

If we imagine that Jennifer did not store her fall/winter wardrobe away, then she might have a total of about 35 core items and extras, plus additional coats, scarves, gloves, hats, and other accessories. Her grand total for the whole year most likely does not exceed 50 pieces. I haven't bothered to count all of my clothes, and I still have to go through my accessories. I'll be getting to those today, I have promised myself!

My wardrobe approach is somewhat different than Jennifer's. Her core items are heavy on dresses, which mine for spring and summer also will be. I only have one pair of shorts right now, as well as 5 capris, several jeans, 2 dress pants, and lightweight floral lounge pants. As the weather warms up, those items that I primarily wear will most likely shift and be rearranged accordingly. I find no need to distinguish between the core items and the extras, as Jennifer does. For someone else, t-shirts might be core items, while dresses are extras. The point is not to be a stickler about the exact number, but to cultivate a wardrobe that is essential to you.

I call my style "classic bohemian", like a cross between Ann Taylor and Anthropologie. The best thing to do is to determine a label that reflects your style and to find those brands, of the highest quality you can afford, to shop for your look.

anthropologie.com

Another important thing to note is that you will often read articles about how to put together a core wardrobe of "basics". These typically include a little black (or grey or navy) dress; black dress pants; a white blouse; a leather jacket; a trench coat; jeans; dress pumps and ballet flats. There is nothing wrong with planning your wardrobe this way if that is your style. But keep in mind that women's personal styles and lifestyle needs can vary widely, and there is absolutely no reason that you have to wear your clothes in neutral colors only, or to have any color scheme at all.

If you purchase and keep only clothing that you really enjoy wearing, you will have plenty of separates that will work well together. You will naturally gravitate toward particular colors, textures, and styles, and it will all harmonize well. There is no need to go out and buy your entire essential wardrobe at once. You can build it over time. And if you choose quality over quantity, your clothing will last longer and fit you better, so you won't need to go shopping as often.

As soon as I have have pared down the rest of what is in my closet--the shoes and boots, scarves, belts, purses, etc..., I am going to show you pictures of my entire wardrobe. I have a small chest with 4 drawers, a closet for clothes that prefer or need to be hung, and a vintage cupboard with 4 deep shelves. Right now one of those shelves is completely empty! The family's heavier coats and other winter gear goes in a closet downstairs, which will be a project of its own.

So how is your home-tidying with the KonMari Method going? I'm thrilled to report that my husband has finished Marie Kondo's The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and has already gone through his clothes and is on to his books! By the way, husbands and wives need to do the discarding of their own things. I don't keep things just because my husband likes them if they don't spark joy for me; and he had to decide on his own what he wanted to save and give away. It is a private matter for you to do alone, with no input from the peanut gallery.

I hope you are having fun with this process, and I'm eager to have you share how it's going in the comments! 

S & F Series--When One Door Closes

Happy April! Tomorrow, April 2, is the anniversary of something that continues to affect my life today. I call it The Day of the Knee. In 2002, only a month and a half after I was married, I was in a serious car accident. I had gone home for a long lunch break from work, excited to have some time to play around in my new house. On my return to work, as I entered an intersection, the traffic light turned yellow. A driver coming from the opposite direction did not yield the right of way and made a left hand turn. We collided. My truck was totaled, and my right knee cap was broken. I might have had time to stop instead of proceeding on the yellow, but I'll never know. I was worried about being late. The other driver was cited for the accident; I had done nothing wrong. I could have chosen differently, but there is no retrieving the past. We can "what if" ourselves to death, and it changes nothing. The consequences remain.

Just the day before, 13 years ago, I took my first belly dance lesson. It was with the sister of the best man at our wedding, Deniz in Dayton. I lived in Columbus at the time. In June I went on my crutches to the Arts Festival downtown and watched a performance of the Habeeba's Dance of the Arts troupe. I took one of their fliers home and registered for classes beginning July 22. Belly dance was a big part of my recovery from the accident. I got strong again. Eventually I danced with the Habeeba's troupe. When I moved to northwest Ohio, I became a belly dance instructor.

Unbeknownst to me, a result of the knee injury was that my right leg is shorter than my left. Evidently the pressure put on the L5 area of my lower back due to the imbalance caused disc damage. One day in February two years ago, while dusting my coffee table, I was suddenly experiencing searing pain. I couldn't even sit up straight. I've had difficulties ever since.

If I didn't have the posterior annular tearing of the L5/S1 disc, my chiropractor said he would encourage me to keep dancing. But as it is...game over.

Loss. A loss of the joy of dancing, the exercise it provides, the opportunities to teach and to perform, the loss of a community. Of course, the dancer friends I have made will still be friends. Many of them I saw only once a year, at the Island of Isis Dance Retreat held every May in Loveland, OH at the amazing Grailville center. Wholesome food, idyllic country surroundings, always a phenomenal teacher, and the camaraderie of women sharing a common passion. Belly dance is a cultural experience unlike any other; you might even say it's a way of life.

The lower back injury can certainly be improved. There could even be a reversal and complete healing, but the chances of that are not very high. Still, there is hope. I was afraid to have the MRI, because I'm claustrophobic. I prayed a Rosary in my mind and on my fingers and survived the experience. I faced a fear, and that is BIG. And now I know what I am dealing with and therefore can move forward. Ironically, the directors of Island of Isis decided to retire the retreat after 20 years. Last year was the grand finale. I am witnessing the end of an era.

My grandmother gave me wise advice. She told me to give myself time to get used to not belly dancing anymore. She said not to put pressure on myself to figure out what I'm going to do next right away. This is pure genius. Because that's exactly what I was doing--rushing the process. I wanted to figure out, in a couple of days, what I was going to do next. I was panicking, because I am an artist, a creative soul, and I might die if I don't have a passionate artistic expression to pursue.

The thing is, I always had a plan. When I knew it was time to move on from a job, for example, before I left I devised a scheme for escape. My dad told me never to quit one job before I had another lined up, so I always had a grand idea and took the necessary steps to make it happen. Yet occasionally, I got unexpectedly fired. One time when this happened, I came home to find my Mary Kay starter kit waiting on my doorstep. Being a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant was my Big Dream at the time, and I was filled with hope. When one door closes, so the saying goes, another one opens.

I suspected that dancing was aggravating my back condition, and I felt that God was preparing me for something else that he was calling me to do. I was willing to accept this if it turned out that I had to give up belling dancing. When I look back on it, I am so grateful. What an exhilarating ride! What stupendous people I have met, what challenges I have risen to, what extraordinarily talented teachers I've had the pleasure to learn from, and what an enormous privilege to be able to serve God with the gifts he has given me. I even made some money for my family along the way.

Knowing that it was all probably going to come to an end doesn't make it any less devastating. My husband has also been experiencing the closing of one door after another. There must be something dazzling beyond our dreams just around the bend!

Please pray for my healing and for my family. I may not know what my next big thing will be, but I do have my tidying up project to keep me busy, thanks to Marie Kondo, who may very well turn out to be a lifesaver. In The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, as I wrote about yesterday, she says that this process of discarding and reorganizing one's home will set you on the course toward what you were genuinely created to do.

I'm not going to lie to you. This process is painful. Letting go of our possessions is hard, even when we know that we must set free those things that don't spark joy. Our fear of letting go, Marie said, comes down to either anxiety about the past or anxiety about the future. We accumulate more and more possessions to remedy these fears. As we all know deep down, the next purchase is only a quick, very temporary fix. The restlessness always returns. Marie Kondo's method is the equivalent of ripping the bandaid off very hairy skin. You just gotta squeeze your eyes shut, take a deep breath, and pull it quick.

Facing your stuff, once and for all, is liberating. Making these decisions of what to keep and what to let go brings with it a growing confidence. When you practice deciding what you really love and what you don't, you get to know yourself better. You learn to know your own mind and heart. You build trust in yourself, because ultimately, you are putting yourself more completely in the hands of God.

Will you die if you don't tidy your home? Is it absolutely necessary? The answer is No. You can choose to keep on picking away at your stuff, a little at a time, and never get anywhere. Or you can keep shoving your stuff into closets, basements, and attics. But out of sight does not equal out of mind. In fact, slowly but surely we go out of our minds, because all of our stuff is wrapped up in the very corners of our being, making us sick. There is no separation of mind, body, and spirit. The clutter is there because something is wrong. Too much has been swept under the carpet, and we're afraid to look.

But you know what? Today I'm going to celebrate my 13th anniversary as a belly dancer! And we will pray for one another. We will begin with our own things, and specifically with our clothing. When that is done, we move onto our books. Category after category, one item at a time, we will sweep through our homes like domestic genies and make all of our own wishes come true.

S & F Series--The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Okay my little chickadees, I know I told you I was going to post on Mondays, and now it's Tuesday. And I said that I would talk about skin care. But so much has been happening that I think I will need to blog more than once a week. Also, a couple of days ago I finished reading Marie Kondo's the life-changing magic of tidying up: the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing (this is how the capitalization appears on the cover). I borrowed it from the library and have given it to my husband to read. While I have referred to this book frequently, it deserves a post dedicated to it. Skin care will have to wait. 

I am already experiencing the results of the KonMari Method. I pared down my spring/summer clothing, took what I am keeping to the laundry room, and bagged the rest up to give away. My dresser drawers have been completely reorganized, and my closet is well on its way. I am paring down so much that I might not even have to store my off season clothing!

Now, Jennifer L. Scott of The Daily Connoisseur blog, who I have also mentioned quite a bit, does not agree with Marie about not storing the off season wardrobe. I haven't decided yet, but I will give you my verdict by next week. At first it might seem to make the most sense to pack away items that you only wear in the summer or winter, so that what you see when you open your drawers and closet are strickly those pieces that you would actually wear.

Then again, I live in Ohio. This means that we have lots of transitional weather. I would never be wearing shorts in winter, and some clothing is way too heavy for summer. Or so it might seem... I'm beginning to suspect that my wardrobe could be considerably expanded if I didn't store anything away, and it would certainly free up my time. We shall see.

One of the wackier elements of Marie's book is that she anthropomorphizes material things. In other words, books don't like to be at the bottom of a pile any more than you or I would. Clothes can be happy or sad. In fact, she seems to suggest that our possessions reincarnate! This is entertaining, but strangely I am discovering that there is some mystical truth to all of this.

I don't want to spoil the pleasure you will get from reading her book by quoting from it or telling you too much about how the method itself works. What I can tell you is that the furniture in my bedroom told me in a very real way that it wanted to be moved. And some of the cardigan sweaters in my closet announced that they were unhappy hanging and getting saggy shoulders and wanted to be folded instead.

I am not joking. I have had very physical experiences and radical shifts in perspective from reading this book and implementing the decluttering process. The promise given is that we will literally figure out what to do with our lives once we have tidied our homes, all in one go. We will be different people. We will be our real selves. We will only have to do this method once, and we will be changed forever. I'm talking metamorphosis, baby! From worm to butterfly.

So just get your hands on this golden nugget of a book, and let's do this! I expect to be reading many comments from you as we go along in this together. It's time to dry off our wings and fly!!