Homeschooling & Parental Authority

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052970204740904577196931457473816
Why French Parents Are Superior by Pamela Druckerman

I have spent a lot of time on homeschooling forums and have noticed a recurrent theme. Mothers are exhausted from fighting their children about doing lessons, so they decide to give up and try unschooling. Some unschoolers report more peaceful homes as a result, while others do not. Many times I have read about unschooling parents whose children say they hate them. Is unschooling, in the long run, truly a good antidote for rebellion in children?


Unschooling can mean different things to different people, and there is a wide spectrum regarding how much freedom children are given to make their own choices and decisions. Whether this method of homeschooling works or not depends upon who you ask. But let's just look at this question of educational lessons and children who don't wish to do them. Is it because the curriculum is boring or too easy? Is it because the child is having difficulty understanding the material? Is it because the mother herself is stressed out about it, so it isn't any fun?

Whatever the details of the resistance, there is a common denominator, which is the root of the resistance itself. Human beings are born with different temperaments, and certainly some kids are more naturally compliant than others. But as I've been saying in the last couple of posts, the core issue is the general abdication of parental authority that has seized Americans. Can you imagine the Ingalls children arguing with Ma about doing their lessons? If you read the Little House on the Prairie series, you know that Ma was kind, loving, and generous with her children. She was also strict by today's standards. Children respected their parents. And Ma and Pa respected their children as persons while at the same time expecting obedience to their authority. Was Laura Ingalls lacking in joy, creativity, or originality as a result? Was her spirit crushed? I think not.

In Chosen and Cherished, Catholic homeschooling mother Kimberly Hahn tells us this:

"How are we to fear the Lord? Psalm 112 gives us the answer: 'Praise the Lord! / Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, / who greatly delights in his commandments!' (Psalm 112:1) Like the psalmist, we worship in reverence and joy: The fear of the Lord links joy to obedience. Our children's obedience gives us a paradigm for our response to our heavenly father. At first they obey from fear of consequences. That is an acceptable motivator for a young child, especially with safety issues involved. However, we look for the mature love of a child who obeys from the heart--to please us, to honor us. This obedience flows from proper respect for us." (emphasis mine)

What a difference this is from the "partnership paradigm" of unschooling! The fear of the Lord is being linked to joy, respect, and obedience. Think about this. Even if in the short term you have a more peaceful relationship with your children because you don't "force" them to do lessons (or brush their teeth, or eat meals with their family at the table, etc...), in the long run you have created an insecure relationship. You have given up the authority given to you by God. We are supposed to role model the Christian fear of the Lord to our children. By learning to obey us, they learn to obey God.

Instead, what we have in America are parents who live in fear of the anger, disappointment, and negative behavior of their children. The bottom line is that however you are teaching your homeschooling lessons, the lessons themselves are ultimately not the problem. The problem is that you have given up your authority, or you never had any in the first place, and your child knows it. The solution is not to stop teaching lessons. If we are going to homeschool, we must be willing to try different approaches and materials until we figure out what will click best, and we have to work at the art of teaching with wisdom, faith, and patience. As Charlotte Mason advocated, develop the habit of obedience in your children and set out a bountiful feast of ideas.

If you read the article Why French Parents Are Superior linked above, you'll get some good ideas on how you can begin to establish your parental authority. It is our responsibility to do so. I am alarmed that many Catholic unschoolers have told me that unschooling is so very Catholic! How? When I hear Christian homeschoolers gushing over the likes of radical unschooling guru Sandra Dodd, it makes me cringe. It's a subtle deception that is simply not in line with the Christian parental vocation. Words like freedom, peace, and joy are being used to tempt parents away from doing the right thing. In fact, it bears a disturbing resemblance to the New Age deception that I have also been writing about.

Gospel of Freedom

Your own holiness is the best “gospel of freedom” you can offer. If you are holy and happy, people will know you are somehow different, and they will want what you have.

— from Catholic and Confident


This passage from the Franciscan "Minute Meditations" that I receive daily in my email inbox reflects the freedom within peaceful borders that I have been talking about in relation to unschooling. I was really turned off, when I spent some time with Facebook groups, by the radical unschooling notion that "freedom within limits is not freedom," a direct quote I read on one of them. It comes down to how one defines freedom. Anarchy is not freedom. For me, life without Christ and his Church is not freedom. I still wonder whether I should claim radical unschooling as a Catholic after all, for the sake of redefining what that can mean for a person of faith. 

It disturbs me to witness Christians being sucked into the secular rhetoric of radical unschooling, where it is implied that only in very specified terms can peaceful parenting be practiced, and only in being what some consider "fully RU" are children truly "free". Indeed, this is often billed as the only authentic form of unschooling, and its their way or the highway! Where does this nonsense come from? Well, the short story is that John Holt coined the term unschooling, by which he simply meant homeschooling--learning without the confines of school and its traditional trappings. But it was felt by some that the Christian community had taken homeschooling over with the development of their own curricula, so unschooling was branded as a different animal, and any curriculum use or set schedule became anathema. 

Then Sandra Dodd decided that the unschooling philosophy must be applied to all facets of life, which for her and many others somehow translates into children doing whatever they want, whenever they want. Somehow living by "principles" rather than "rules" (though these are in certain ways synonymous) will save the family from bedlam, and everyone will be balanced and self-regulated. But that isn't what is happening with, for instance, the mother who let her kid drink as much soda as he wanted, and then that's all he wanted for weeks. He stopped eating food, and she felt like she couldn't interfere because that wasn't "RU"!! This boy was 6 years old. Somewhere along the way, perhaps having become disenchanted with being slaves to a curriculum, some Christians picked up unschooling and tried their best to apply it within a Christian framework. The question is, can this be done?

Ironically, this radical unschooling version of freedom for children requires the adherence by parents to a strict system of rules put forth by such unschooling gurus, to the extent that the word "cult" started to float around in my brain. I just got so frustrated, wanting to embrace some of these ideas yet so repelled by some others. Too many parents seem to have ceased to think for themselves or to use an iota of common sense that I just couldn't bear to be part of the unschooling groups any more. I even left the Christian and Catholic ones--though the extreme problems were much less prevalent there--so I could clear my head and begin with a clean slate. Do I let the dream of living and learning joyfully that unschooling promises die, or do I dream a new, truly Catholic dream for unschooling? The thing is, many of those radical unschoolers are miserable and their children tell them they hate them. When they ask for help, the gurus and other RU parents often just tell them they aren't doing it right; they aren't "RU" enough. That is certainly not the case across the board, but these poor souls need a better way.

Suzie Andres wrote the book on Catholic unschooling, but I think it has got to go deeper, because the secular voices are so much louder. Radical unschooling as it stands allows for spirituality, but only in the sense of religious indifferentism, because it really has its own dogma. Despite what Suzie and her philosopher husband concluded about unschooling not being an ideology, and therefore being in no conflict of interest with Catholicism, it just is not so when it comes to the radical version. Unless, of course, we Catholics entirely redefine what it means to be radical. It really shouldn't be that hard. The Church has been around for 2000 years, while radical unschooling has maybe a few decades under its belt. You want radical? Then be a Catholic. 

Why not just leave off the word "radical" and be done with it? Because if we say that ideally there should be no separation between learning and life, which is essentially what unschooling means, then it is by nature radical; that is, all encompassing. In that I agree with Sandra Dodd. Radical literally means "from the root". And Catholic education is supposed to be an entity that does not separate learning from the Faith, according to the Magisterium. Again, we have a deep sense of rootedness. By its very nature, it follows that Catholic unschooling is radical, but obviously not in the way Sandra Dodd means. Hence my desire to set this dish on a clean plate.

I don't think we can Catholicize an educational method and lifestyle that preaches a freedom without limits dogma. That being said, I don't believe that even the most RU parents don't have their limits. What I have seen in these unschooling groups is a state of deep, secular humanist indoctrination. That is why I opted for the label, Catholic Natural Learning, instead of Radical Unschooling. Happiness and Freedom outside of the Church? Forget about it! But religious issues aside, the way of living some families have adopted by following the RU dogma as they understand it is not healthy by any standard.

I really wanted to be done with this topic, but I can't leave souls drifting and confused and mislead in this sweet-smelling radical unschooling muck. It almost happened to me, because a lot of what Dayna Martin (author of Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun) says is truly inspiring, and I admire her in many ways. But I kept hearing the Virgin Mary quietly clearing her throat. So I'm probably not done--not by a long shot.   

 "The Virgin Mary in the Rose Garden," Albert Gustav Aristedes Edelfelt (1854-1905)

One Step

One step isn't the beginning of a journey if you keep one foot in the yard. You have to get away from the starting point completely.  --Sandra Dodd, "Just Add Light and Stir" blog


It's as if messages from the Holy Spirit just keep showing up in my inbox! Well, why not? Does this message mean I have to go out in the cold rain today? Our dog doesn't mind the weather. She just loves her walks! So yes, we'll get out and about at least to go around the block. Maybe we'll even walk to the grocery to get Daisy some dog treats! The lack of sunlight provides the perfect excuse to light candles. I'll begin the Luminous Mysteries of the Rosary with Beezy today. She loves being read to from the Bible. Her dad is at work, so it will be a quiet day, just the two of us; then I will venture out to teach my belly dance class this evening.

I don't think you have to travel to Paris to live the wildly rewarding life I wrote about yesterday (but I do intend to see Sacre Couer again, including the inside of the cathedral!). We must bloom where we are planted, as the saying goes. The adventurous life is more a spirit, a state of mind, a living by one's own lights. It's finding the magic in the ordinary. It's looking at where you live and seeing the beauty even in the shabby and rundown. It's suddenly noticing that a teddy bear was stuck into your bathrobe while you were typing your blog post!

I am telling you all this to remind myself, because it's so easy to forget. How typical to lament the chilly, rainy day and wish for warmth and sun. How radical and freeing to put on your wellies and look for puddles instead!!

ksfreeman.com

Catholic Collage Unschooling

"The edge of unschooling is not a solid line. It will depend on the principles by which a family intends to live, and the philosophy of learning and parenting through which they see the world."
--Sandra Dodd

I am awake with stomach discomfort, so I am up early. Checking my email, I found this gem from Sandra Dodd's blog, Just Add Light and Stir. I must say, I really admire the brevity of her posts! They're daily meditations that say something meaningful in a small space. Another blog I recently found, Stories of an Unschooling Family, has also been key in helping me to assimilate this concept. Do you ever ask God for a sign? Last night for no apparent reason I went to one of my bookshelves and opened a journal that I began writing in March of 2009. At the top of the first page I read this:

Unschooling
Educating a child for life

??????????????

Four years ago I wrote this? My daughter was four years old, and we had decided not to send her to preschool, but to plan on homeschooling. I commented on the Montessori precept of "follow the child" and how it would gel nicely with John Holt's unschooling philosophy. And four years later I am just now coming back to this? I thought it was curious that since unschooling has come to the forefront of my mind, I have also been thinking more about the Montessori method and getting back to some of those principles. It is all coming together, and I think it's time to stop doubting and just trust the Holy Spirit in this. It's all well and good, and even necessary, to think through making such a change and evaluate all the angles, to use our God-given faculties of reason. But at some point comes the time to "leap, and the net will appear."


I also think it no coincidence that I will be entering into full communion with the Catholic Church at the end of this month. I will officially be a Catholic! This has been a long journey, and I already thought of myself as Catholic before beginning RCIA. I wrote a lot about my new religious path, and eventually I realized that after a certain amount of pondering, it is time to put the elements into practice. I think this is true in regard to unschooling. I have been reading and writing and talking about it. I have been testing the waters. Now it's time to jump in, or at least to wade out and really explore life away from the safe shore. So what do I want to call it? For now, Catholic Collage Unschooling. For me, this ties together the use of Charlotte Mason, Montessori, John Holt, and any other approach that is effective for my child with the teachings of the Church. There is truly no line between life, learning, and the Faith. If we believe, we can walk on water.

Unschooling Red Flag

I'd rather have dentures than horrible memories of a parent forcing me to brush my teeth. 

I found this quote in an online article, "Beginning Unschooling: Some Ideas"(sandradodd.com/beginning).  I think if I spent any time directly commenting on this, it would be giving the sentiment a certain validation, so I will not.  It stands on its own to illustrate my concerns about adopting the term unschooling. I realize that not all forms of unschooling are so radical, but the unfortunate truth is that people who think such things are out there, and this is the impression many people have of what unschooling is all about. That Sandra Dodd, a leading name in unschooling, allowed this idea onto her page says "red flag" to me.

An underlying part of the unschooling philosophy is that children know what they need. Sometimes they do. We have all heard a child say, "I need to go to the potty." We have also all known a child so tired she could barely stand, who would not admit needing to go to bed. As an adult there have been more times than I want to remember when I didn't know what I needed or how to find what I needed. It would be inexcusable neglect not to directly guide a child toward what he needs, in fact, to insist upon it  (like taking him to the bathroom sink to brush his teeth!--ok, I couldn't resist after all...).

Which brings me to the whole teaching question. I have a book by John Holt called Teach Your Own. Clearly Holt was not against teaching if he used the word "teach" in the title of his book in this way. I may be going out on a limb here, but from the three books by Holt I have read, I do not believe that he would discourage any parent from showing a child how to brush his teeth properly and then following through to make sure it became a good habit, two to three times a day. My husband pointed out that radical unschooling is the flip side of the one-size-fits-all, authoritarian school model. In the case of radical unschooling, all children are still treated exactly the same, as if they were not individuals with varying needs.

What Holt advocated was that adults closely observe children to know them extremely well and therefore be able to determine how best to help them thrive. He emphasized guidance and facilitation as the chief methods of teaching, setting a good example for children to follow, and allowing as much self-directed learning as is reasonably possible. He was not even entirely against using some traditional schooling methods in those cases where they worked well for the child. He did not, however, establish a clear, systematic method of education. He used homeschooling and unschooling interchangeably and did not advocate any particular method, aside from teaching children in a way that corresponds with how they naturally learn. I think we can see the potential problem here. Unlike Montessori and Charlotte Mason, with their clearly formulated philosophies and practices, unschooling based on John Holt can easily result in muddied water.

So if I add the foundation of the Catholic faith to my unschooling, would the water then be clear? Maybe. After reading Suzie Andres' books, I think the water is certainly much less grainy. Still, after getting through the thirteen essays in A Little Way of Homeschooling, I was left with an unsatisfyingly vague impression of how this works. I enjoyed reading the stories of these unschooling families, and perhaps I should read the book again and see if it sinks in a little better. All of these parents were very active in the education of their children and did not strike me as "radical".  Interestingly, the essays of those who employed other methods in tandem with their unschooling did not seem much different in substance from those who were supposedly "pure" unschoolers, leading me to believe that what we really have here in some cases is a form of relaxed homeschooling, which overlaps in some places with unschooling.

What disturbs me is that there are those Catholics who call themselves radical unschoolers, which in my opinion is a contradiction in terms. Radical unschooling is diametrically opposed to the Church's teachings on the education of children, and I certainly do not want to be identified with such parents. I imagine this is Holly Pierlot's concern with Catholics using the label of unschooling as well. For those who like this term and have clearly delineated what it does and does not mean for themselves, it is certainly not my place to say that they should not use it. I think that the purest definition of unschooling, the one that Holt intended, is simply learning in an open source manner, without the traditional school building and the methods employed therein which do not reflect how children naturally learn. Many forms of homeschooling could rightly be called unschooling!

Unfortunately, though, some took unschooling for a ride on a runaway train, and their children are the derailed victims. Because of the seriousness of the implications of the "radical" approach, I have deep misgivings about adopting the word, even with putting Catholic in front of it, and even if I know without confusion what I mean by it. The jury is still out, but it would be irresponsible of me not to seriously consider these red flags. I do believe that the Holy Spirit is guiding me in a new direction, and that some of the tenets attributed to unschooling are useful and inspiring; but perhaps in the end I will be the fish that notices the nice bait, but also the hook, and swims on by to find more enriching fare.