Converting Your Husband with Your Behavior | Biblical Womanhood Series #3

I think that the sensibilities of modern women are offended, thanks to the insidious influence of feminism, by the idea that a wife's submission benefits her husband. This patriarchal structure oppresses women, they say, and does not allow women to develop themselves. Yet it's entirely biblical that a woman should happily submit to her husband, and that this benefits not only him, but herself as well. And with a careful reading of Scripture, we see the Beauty in God's ordered plan. Today we are looking at 1 Peter 3: 1-7, Catholic Confraternity Version. 

In like manner also let wives be subject to their husbands; so that even if any do not believe the word, they may without word be won through the behavior of their wives, observing reverently your chaste behavior. Let not theirs be the outward adornment of braiding the hair, or of wearing gold, or of putting on robes; but let it be the inner life of the heart, in the imperishableness of a quiet and gentle spirit, which is of great price in the sight of God. For in this manner in old times the holy women also who hoped in God adorned themelves, while being subject to their husbands. So Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You are daughters of hers when you do what is right and fear no disturbance. 

At the beginning of this passage we see that some women will be married to unbelievers, so if you are one of those, take heart. God was and is thinking of you and is giving you guidance in a difficult situation. Even if you married a Christian man, he could lose his faith, or he could be lukewarm and fail to take his family to church or be the spiritual head of the home. Perhaps he has lost his way through an addiction, or he suffers physical disabilities or a mental illness that make it more likely that he will fall short in his vocation as husband and father. 

The way out--of what may seem unbearable and feel like hell--for the wife is not necessarily to divorce her husband (though of course in the case of abuse, women need to get to safety and seek help), but rather to offer her suffering up to God for the bestowal of grace upon her husband. There is purpose in suffering. We must unite our afflictions to those of Jesus on the cross and lay it all at his feet.

And as the Bible assures us, we may win our husbands to a conversion by our behavior, by imitating the holy women of old. If New Testament women were charged with being submissive to their husbands as Sara was to Abraham in the Old Testament, then surely this message is still relevant for us today; and we additionally have New Testament examples such as Mary, the Mother of Our Lord, to show us the way. 

In some translations the word conversation is used instead of behavior, and I think that guarding our tongues is key to our husbands viewing us with reverence. Chastising our husbands never results in a good outcome, and often doing so escalates a potentially volatile situation, causing serious and even irreparable harm. If we cultivate that pearl of great price, a quiet and gentle spirit, we will please God, which is the ultimate point. 

Sometimes when I'm angry with my husband, or feeling taken for granted and unappreciated, my spirit becomes rebellious. I want to go on strike as a wife and not do things for my husband, like his laundry. But then I tell myself that I'm doing it for Jesus, and that way I can do it with joy and not resentment. 

Earlier this week I wanted my husband to do something for me, but he said no, not today. He had too many things that needed to be done, like paying the bills, and he needed my help with our home-based business. I was tempted to argue, and even reasoned with him that the task would only take a couple minutes. Again he said no, it would take longer than that, and by his tone I understood that my requiring his help even with something I thought would be simple, on this particular day would cause him stress. I remembered about being submissive, and I accepted his authority. 

Submission has to become a habit if we women are to be happy in our marriages. Not only will it also make our husbands happy, it will be a sacrifice of immense value to God, and it will help to build up the whole Body of Christ, which is crumbling. What you do to help your husband get to Heaven with your authentic Christian femininity can lead him to be a better man, you to be a better woman, and repairs the Church in ways you may never know. But know without doubt that it does. 

As far as how we dress and style our hair, I don't think this passage suggests that we literally don't wear braids. One sermon I heard online talked about how the pagan women of ancient Greece wore such elaborate braids that they looked like Medusa. So likely the message is to focus on our inward Beauty and keep our outward adornment modest and simple. In other words, don't try to look like the Kardashians, and don't act in worldly ways. 

Husbands, in like manner dwell with your wives considerately, paying honor to the woman as to the weaker vessel, and as co-heir of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. 

It is fine for a wife to gently remind her husband of his duty to her, and how he is to treat her. However, we must not do it with rebuke, treating him like a naughty child. I think it's also interesting that being the weaker vessel is put forth as a reason to honor the woman. Feminism, conversely, teaches that women are no different than men (and transgenderism has followed as a logical conclusion!), and that we should be offended at the suggestion that we are the weaker sex in any way. Personally, I am relieved that I am designed to be weaker than my husband, and I admire his physical strength and applaud him for it! 

It's clear as well that Christianity teaches that women are equal in dignity to men, equal children of God, made in his image and likeness. This was a radical view in those times. And that last admonition to husbands, that your prayers be not hindered, makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. A husband who fails in his duty to his wife and who does not love her in the proper manner (we will see that it is indeed sacrificial love he is called to in another passage) will not have his prayers heard or answered. God will turn a deaf ear to such a man. The wife's submissive, gentle spirit will help to safeguard her husband from damnation. 

Women, allow your husbands to lead even if you don't think they do a stellar job at it. Allow them to provide for you and your children. Stop emasculating them with your harsh tongues and rebelliousness. Get out of their way and let them step up to the plate. Even if they fail, serve them as you would serve Jesus. We can find rest in our biblical womanhood, fearing no disturbance. 

Additional Note: 

Though divorce is strongly discouraged in the Catholic Church, allowance is made in canon law for physical separation, and even divorce, in certain cases. Future posts will explore the idea of mutual submission and the conditions under which it may be necessary for a husband and wife to separate for a period of time. 

Loving my Homemaker Life | Biblical Womanhood Series #1

 

For some time I've wanted to write a series on biblical womanhood, but I have hesitated for various reasons. Where to begin? Am I qualified? What if what I say hurts or offends people? Questions such as these kept the idea tucked in the back of my mind. 

Recently, on a sunny day while I was enjoying being outdoors, I had an epiphany. I love my life. The feeling of true contentment I experienced may have come after weeding my brick patio, of all things. It hit me out of nowhere, and I was filled with gratitude. I was also relieved to recognize the truth that I really do take joy in my life, because I was not always feeling that way. Homemaking is repetitious, can seem not that important, and can be extremely frustrating when one feels she never gets ahead, when her hard, faithful work is constantly unraveled. 

The internal knowledge that I love my simple life, that quiet wellspring of joy, came just before a crisis hit, and everything seemed to spiral out of control. I slid into fear, anger, resentment, and insecurity. The peace of my life was shattered, and I felt like I had reached an impasse in which I could not stay in my marriage. I thought my lovely homemaker days might have to come to an end. And while I have hope, I don't feel entirely confident that it will all work out. This is, of course, because I've been leaning on my own understanding and have not truly given the wheel over to Christ. 

How could I write about biblical womanhood under such uncertain conditions? Perhaps this is exactly the reason. It is clear to me today that biblical womanhood, sometimes also called authentic femininity, is the only way out. It's the only chance my family has of staying together and being happy. I believe that the Holy Spirit allowed me that window into true repose of the soul that day, right before the bottom dropped out, to sustain me through the storm. This life is worth fighting for. 

One thing I've learned is that I have to let go of perfectionism. No family is perfect, and I don't have to be perfect to teach on this subject. In fact, it's the reality of my shortcomings and what I have learned through the experience of 19 years of marriage and 17 years of motherhood that qualify me to teach on authentic Christian womanhood and family life. You will not find a June Cleaver here, though I suppose she can teach us a thing or two. 

Hmm... I just viewed images of June online, and I do find myself wanting to be her. I might just even search the library catalog for "Leave It to Beaver" on DVD! Trust me, you will never find me vacuuming in high heels. Even if I wanted to, my back and knees couldn't handle it. But otherwise, I mean, she was pretty awesome. 

The point here isn't whether or not I'm qualified, but that biblically I'm required, as an "older woman," to instruct the younger women in godliness. Titus 2: 1-5 (NKJV) says,

1But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: 2that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; 3the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

Biblical womanhood grates against feminism and our modern conceptions of femininity. It's controversial, even among Christians. But what is at stake is that the word of God be not blasphemed. That's pretty serious stuff, and we see evidence of blasphemy against God prevalent all around us. Women even older than me need this message. 

Here's the other thing I've determined. The restoration of traditional families and gender roles is the only way out of the predicament society is in. America is on the brink of collapse, and I believe that everything we have seen during the time of the COVID-19 pandemic, including the surge of Marxism and mob rule by domestic terrorists like BLM and Antifa, and the insanity of the woke leftist agenda, can be traced to the destruction of the nuclear family and the erosion of Judeo-Christian values. 

The good news is that it's not too late for a cultural revolution in the right direction, and each of us has control over how we respond to outside events and how we live our lives. The powers that be would love to remove our unalienable, God-given freedom and the constitutional liberty based upon faith in our Creator, so we must fight for it. We give our lives back to God, or we lose it all. 

In his 1995 "Letter to Women," John Paul II called on us, on the feminine genius, to save the world. What I plan to share with you in this series on biblical womanhood is exactly how we do it. 

Read the above passage from Titus carefully. Meditate upon it and hold it in your heart. Submit to the word of God. We must humble ourselves if we want to be guided by the Holy Spirit. We must believe that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, that where we follow God's will, there is always a way. It's time for Christian women to return to the home, to be full-time wives and mothers, to embrace being the guardians and keepers of our homes as our true vocation. Our rebellious spirits may recoil at this idea, and you might think that even if you wanted to quit your job, you simply can't. It just isn't a possibility in your circumstances. Try to still your soul and listen. Your feeling of discomfort, maybe even anger, is evidence of being convicted of the truth in your heart. If you are already home but are struggling, please also come along on this journey. In every case, acknowledge the fear and doubt you are feeling, and then lay it at Jesus's feet.