Pixar's "Brave" & the Mother-Daughter Relationship

Princess Merida

What sets this princess fairy tale apart from any others I can recall is the centrality of the mother-daughter relationship, as opposed to the usual princess-gets-her-true-love-in-the-end theme. In fact, in this story Queen Elinor, the young heroine Merida's mother, is as prominent a character as her daughter. Elinor is a loving mother and only wants what is best for her daughter, but in typical fashion, Merida has her own ideas for her future. While in America most young women don't have arranged marriages, the choosing of potentials suitors, and the timing of the marriage, is still the status quo in many cultures. So while this tale takes place in ancient Ireland or Scotland (the men wear kilts), it is not really an antiquated theme. And still prevalent even in America today are the pressures on young people by their parents in their choice of college major, career, lifestyle, family size, etc... Elinor's tendency to be harsh, critical, and demanding of her daughter, and her neglect to really listen to Merida, is a familiar issue. Of course, Merida doesn't listen very well to her mother, either!

One thing I liked about this film is that Merida is homeschooled; however, she is not so fond of her mother's choice of subjects--how to be a lady, how to speak properly, how to carry herself, what is expected of a princess, and the like. Merida wants to be off riding her horse, following will-o-the-wisps and having adventures. She is not interested in choosing a husband from among the eldest sons of neighboring tribes. She just isn't ready yet. And if there is one thing common to most children today, it is the state of being hurried. 

Merida has no respect for tradition or her mother's wisdom. Elinor has no interest in hearing about Merida's explorations and discoveries and finds no use in her talent with the bow and arrow. They do not see eye to eye, and neither accepts the other as she is. Each is bent on changing the other; each is stubborn in her own way. Unfortunately, Merida's willfulness leads her to a witch, and she asks for a spell that will change her destiny. She thinks changing her mother will produce that result, but horrifyingly, the consequence is that her mother is changed into a bear, the one creature Merida's father, King Fergus, is determined to kill in revenge for his lost leg. Well, I won't spoil the whole movie!

While Brave is not the best Pixar movie ever (that would be the Toy Story trilogy), it is outstanding for its focus on the healing of a mother-daughter relationship, where each learns to bend and honor the other's uniqueness and gifts. There is no betrothal to a prince, no adolescent kissing, no wicked stepmother jealous of the princess' youth and beauty; and miraculously, neither parent has died, and they are happily married! Queen Elinor even has a wonderful streak of grey (I mean silver) in her hair. Yes, I want to be Queen Elinor more than I want to be the young princess! When Elinor walks through a room, the dignity of her presence brings all male misbehavior to a halt. There was truly a time when men did not swear, get drunk, make dirty jokes, or brawl in the presence of women. They stood up when a woman entered the room. They removed their hats. They showed some respect. But we threw that all away for some twisted "equality" in which women get to act like men, a bizarre world where being a "lady" is obscene. But that's another topic for another time! Still, Elinor reminds us of something precious that has been lost, something of real value.

 Queen Elinor

Brave is solidly a very good family movie. I give it four stars. Younger children might be afraid of the scary bear (also a product of the witch's spell to change someone's destiny) but otherwise there is very little rude humor and nothing objectionable in my opinion. It is a film worth seeing and even worth contemplating a little deeper. What can we mothers learn from our daughters, not just what can they learn from us.

Self-Taught Swimming

Last evening Beezy, age 8, went down the big water slide at our public pool by herself for the first time! This is the first summer that she has been tall enough, but even though she met the height requirement this year, she still had to conquer her fear. I did not push. I have noticed that her progress in swimming has been very self-directed and self-initiated and find this to be fascinating. Is it a result of being homeschooled, perhaps? Beezy has many friends that she sees at the pool, but she is not really interested in socializing with them there. She has her own agenda. As long as she is polite, I allow her to do her own thing. She seems to be on an internal mission, and I respect that.


On her own she decided to learn to swim underwater, without plugging her nose. She figured out the breathing by herself. She is very into goggles, wanting to be able to look at things under the water. She can swim across a full length of one part of the pool. While she still wants a parent close by, she is not very keen on receiving advice. In fact, she will go under water so as not to hear it! But if I see something that she needs to do differently in order to achieve her own goal, I gently insist (that is to say, I persist) in sharing my helpful hints. For example, she was teaching herself to swim on her back, but I noticed her bottom was too low in the water, so I demonstrated a better posture and recommended kicking without bending the legs so much. She did follow my advice and improved her technique. It is not easy to keep from being invasive while at the same time providing a bit of helpful teaching! Then again, perhaps she would have figured it out eventually if left to her own devices...

We did pay for private swimming lessons a couple of summers ago, and then last year just built on that ourselves, in an informal manner. So I was surprised at how much she has progressed this year with hardly any adult interference. And we solved the big slide problem together last night. While I could not be standing right at the bottom of the slide, I could go up with her to alleviate her minor fear of heights (one I share, so it helped me too to have a hand to hold!). Then I went down first, so I could be right by the steps in case she needed me when she got to the bottom. Which she didn't. After four trips up and down I was done, and so I found another child, a couple of years older, to escort her. In the process of this new achievement, she also made a friend! The point to consider is that while I encouraged her in trying the slide, once she had expressed the interest, I left it up to her. I only provided a plan for conquering the fear. She did it when she was ready, and she consequently made an independent decision in her own education and interests, and she had a blast!

This is how kids can be. They still want their parents close by, but they want to figure some things out on their own. They don't want to be spoon fed. We let our babies make a mess while they learn to eat, don't we? It's the process, not the product, that matters in the end.

It's Detox Time!

If you are in tune with your body, you know the signs that a detoxification is in order. You are feeling tired, perhaps not sleeping well. This may be the result of too much caffeine, the physical illness of yourself or a child you are caring for in the night, insomnia (the infamous "monkey mind"), or just not going to bed early enough. Maybe the coffee is causing digestive issues, or maybe you just haven't been eating healthy enough--not enough whole foods and fresh fruits and vegetables. Get thyself to the farmers market! Maybe too much meat or processed foods are dragging you down. In my case, I injured my foot and haven't been able to be as active as usual, which is undoubtedly part of the lower energy equation.

If you are in a summer slump, then join me in a simple detox program for the next month. I'm beginning today with Yogi DeTox tea, a natural herbal supplement available at health food stores and on line at vitacost.com. Up to 10 tea bags can be used per day, every day for up to 30 days. The box says: "As everyday impurities find their way into our bodies, we may be left feeling tired or out of balance. Yogi DeTox is a gentle way to help the body cleanse itself by aiding the two primary filtering organs, the liver and kidneys. Our tea uses the time-honored purifying herbs Burdock and Organic Dandelion to support the liver. Juniper Berry aids kidney function. The traditional Ayurvedic cleansing blend called trikatu (Ginger, Black Pepper, and Long Pepper) aids blood flow, while Indian Sarsaparilla adds spicy flavor."

In addition to the tea, don't forget to drink plenty of water during these hot summer months. I am additionally cutting out refined, added sugars as much as possible from my diet. We all know that sugar prematurely ages us and causes inflammation that leads to disease. It also zaps our energy when we crash from a sugar high. With all of the family reunions, graduation parties, and weddings we attend in summer months, it can be hard to avoid the processed sweets. But we don't have to deprive ourselves entirely. Eat treats at those special events sparingly. When at home, choose natural sweeteners with health benefits such as honey, maple syrup and molasses, and those lower on the glycemic index, such as agave nectar. Cut the sugar in your recipes, and use raw instead of white whenever possible.

While you are cleansing your body, don't forget to purify your mind and spirit with yoga, prayer, meditation, and sacred scripture. Get out into nature rather than staying cooped up in the air conditioning, which does not allow your body the natural purification process of sweating. Even try fasting once a week, beginning with the practice typically used at Lent of eating only one full meal and two small ones, with no snacks in between. Skip meat, or dairy products if you are vegetarian, once a week. I am going to look into fasting practices and get back to that in another post.

Let me know how you are feeling during the detox process! Keep a journal and track what works to restore your body to balance and vitality. Remember, most of all, to breathe, fully filling the belly with each inhalation, and completely releasing on the exhale. Just breathe...