Giving Up Distractions--Clutter

Here we are in Holy Week, the final stretch of Lent. How have we faced our trials and carried our crosses? How well have we offered up our sufferings? And how can we continue to give up our distractions, for good?

Everything I've written about in this series is clutter of a kind. The mental, emotional, and spiritual clutter is perhaps all the more insidious because we can't literally see it. But it could also be that the physical clutter in our home environments is indicative of the deeper, hidden elements. I think that the physical clutter has something to do with holding on to the past.

Some of us are more sentimental than others. Indiscriminately throwing everything out is no better than clinging to every little possession. Either extreme is a sign of imbalance. So no, we can't just set fire to all of it and begin again. Unless there is, actually, a fire or a flood or some such disaster that clears the clutter for us. Usually, we have to employ prayer and self-discipline and attend to our stuff with temperance and diligence. It sounds as if we are being called upon to cultivate virtue, doesn't it?

When I was a young adult, I tended to pride myself on being from a family of pack-rats. I also believed in the popular notion that creative people are by nature messy. The chaos of my apartment bore testament to my artistic, sentimental soul! It didn't help that as a Montessori teacher, I was encouraged to save anything that could be used to create "works" for the children. As such, I had a substantial collection of things like laundry detergent lids in my tiny kitchen closet.

There was one saving grace. Two, actually. The first was the Kidney Foundation charity. My youngest brother had a kidney removed as a newborn, so as a way to protect the health of his remaining kidney, I gave to the KF. They came to collect one's donations. I gave so often that they would call me monthly when they were scheduled to pick up from my neighborhood. I had no money to give to the poor, but somehow I always had stuff. I learned that when one gives of one's abundance, the Lord provides.

The other saving grace was my sensitivity to beauty, which I inherited from both parents. My mom's primary artistic outlet has always been home decor. I grew up with her regular rearranging of the furniture. Because of my own impulses to suddenly need to move the furniture around and re-decorate, I would be forced to clean! I also enjoyed entertaining friends and having parties, so there was that motivation to bring order to my surroundings as well.

These principles should hold true for all of us. We are called to be charitable with our time and our possessions. Our God is a God of order. There is no Beauty without order. And hospitality and Christianity go hand in hand. So it seems that we've received a divine ordinance to clear the clutter.

After sorting out my clothes to donate this Lent, I realized that there is no need anymore to store away off-season clothing, having pared my wardrobe down so well. And the way the weather works in my neck of the woods, it makes more sense to have just one, year-round capsule wardrobe. Sure, there are those few items that belong exclusively to winter or summer, but much of the time we are in-between the various seasons. Layers are the name of the game!

And so with clothing squared away and my vanity table tidy (jewelry and make-up sorted and organized), I had to face finishing up with my books. And this I have accomplished. I'm far from finished. There are still the magazines, the personal papers, and those sentimental items that will require my intense attention. There are closets, drawers and cupboards that will see the light of day and be shown very little mercy. Oh, and there is my daughter's room. But let's not think about that today. It's painful, my friends, this clearing of every type of clutter, but it's the virtuous thing to do. It's the kind thing to do, for ourselves and for our families. We have to start with being good stewards of our own homes before we can effectively spread the love.

Have a happy Easter, my dears, and I'll see you dancing in the Son!

The Wardrobe Cleanse

I had to sit and take a break! I think I overly inspired myself with "The Essential Wardrobe" article, on the tenets of French style. I just filled three tall garbage bags full of my clothes and shoes to donate to charity! I threw in some hats, scarves, and a purse to top off the last bag. I will still have to sort through coats, jackets, hats, gloves, mittens and scarves on another day. Incidentally, I pulled all kinds of weirdness out of that purse (gum balls, a white medicine tablet of some sort, diaper ointment, bee pollen, and a broken candy cane, among others things).

My husband was not surprised at all by these items, but he said, "You're giving that away? That's a really nice purse." I said, "Yes, but I don't need it, and someone else will just love it! It's going to be like Christmas for somebody, especially the woman who wears a size 9 shoe." He thought maybe we should have a yard sale. No! Not only do I want this stuff out of my house ASAP, but I explained that you have to give your abundance away for it to come back to you. I went on to tell him about our priest's homily on Saturday, which began with a poem about how when you give of yourself, tenfold comes back to you. "I don't even need tenfold!" I proclaimed. "Threefold would be plenty." Well, the man was silent. He doesn't often go to Mass.

We have stairs, so it was a lot of running down with the heavy bags. I also hauled shoes upstairs to my closet. The whole family's shoes have been thrown into a rustic trunk in the kitchen to try to keep them off the floor. Not only do they still get sprawled all over the floor, but nice shoes get squished, and it's a pain to try to find a pair in the box. It seemed like a good idea. It isn't. Most of the shoes I gave away no longer fit, since I gained half a size after giving birth. Why was I holding onto these? The only too-small pair I kept were souvenir snakeskin heels my mom got me in Italy. I am also holding onto my riding boots for now. Equestrian styles regularly make an appearance. I'll have to try them on and see if they are wearable.

How much lighter I now feel! I was merciless. If it was stained, had lost its shape, was faded, uncomfortable, didn't fit well, didn't make me feel attractive when I wore it, or it just bothered me to look at it for some unfathomable reason, I said good-bye. What kept me from panicking was the fact that I ordered two nice blouses and a dress from Ebay yesterday, so I will have a new item for each of the bags I'm giving away. And most of the stuff was still very nice for whoever gets it for free at the thrift store (you can take up to 20 items at no cost!) Thinking about making other people happy who can't afford nice things takes the sting out of the process.

Do a wardrobe assessment. Are you not wearing something because of one of the reasons I mentioned above, or are you just not having fun getting dressed? Always looking put together and pretty gives me energy and enhances my mood. It makes life seem more interesting and meaningful. I feel more creative and inspired. Maybe you "save" some clothes for church or going out to dinner that you could be wearing for every day life. You may have some formal dresses that you only wear for weddings or really dressy occasions; but otherwise, I give you permission to look nice even if you never leave the house all day. Oh, and just because you bought something once, or someone gave it to you as a gift, doesn't mean you have to keep it. Really.

Now make a list. Once you have purged your closet and dresser drawers, what do you really need to buy this season? Sometimes I don't wear certain things because I just don't have the right shoes or boots, or because I don't have the right top to wear with those pants. I have a very small butt, so sometimes I don't wear things because they droop, and I don't have the right belt! For fall, I really need a brown belt and a black belt. I could really use a new pair of casual walking shoes and low-heeled dress pumps. Honestly, that should do it. As long as my new blouses fit when they arrive this week, I should be set! Only purchase those items that you believe to be beautiful and know to be useful.

Less really can be more--and that too is joie de vivre!

Charity Begins at Home

The Rosary begins with making the sign of the cross, "in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."  Holding the cross, the Apostles Creed is recited. Then comes the first bead, upon which the Our Father prayer is said. The next three beads are Hail Marys, and one meditates upon the three greatest virtues according to 1 Corinthians 13--faith, hope, and charity. Older bibles use that word, charity, while more recent translations replace charity with love.

Every time I said the Rosary, this Charity thing nagged at me. What does this mean? Is it the same as Love? Well, yes, but it has specific connotations, which I defined in my last post, The Blessing of Children. When I typically thought of charity, I understood it as giving to the poor and needy. Donating to charity. Charitable organizations. The biblical Charity certainly refers to this but expands the meaning to a lovingkindness, or compassion, extended to all of humanity. It emphasizes a leniency of judgment and a reflection of God's mercy. It encompasses a generosity of spirit and an openness of heart. Sacrifice is surely inherent to the concept. Love, or Charity, in 1 Corinthians 13 is never described as a feeling, but rather as a state of being, denoted by the verb "is". Love is patient, love is kind... And what it is not, ie., haughty, selfish, or rude. It does not keep an account of wrongs suffered. Charity is action oriented. It is about being generous with one's time, attitude, and attention, not just with one's money.

This passage is so popular at weddings, for the very reason that it is not about passing emotions, or romantic feelings. It "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things." Faith and hope are high on the list, but "the greatest of these is Charity."  Love never fails. That is, God is Love, and He never fails, and likewise we are not to withhold our Charity. Christian charity is to be extended to others NO MATTER WHAT. Tall order.

Today that old saying, "Charity begins at home" came to mind. When researching homeschooling and the concerns of others regarding socialization (I can hardly stand the word anymore!), a mother wisely wrote that proper socialization must begin at home. People in a family need to learn to get along with one another first and foremost. Husbands and wives must honor each other. Children must respect their parents. Siblings must be taught conflict resolution. Good habits must be established. Pets must be taken care of. Responsibilities must be shared. Parents must not antagonize their children. And so on. An attitude of Charity must be learned and practiced beginning in the home. You don't feed the birds but let your children starve. You don't volunteer for the benefit of others in the community to the neglect of your own children.

The Holy Family

It follows that if Charity begins at home, then the extended family comes next in widening the circle. For example, the feelings and needs of a grandchild take precedence over the opinion of an adult friend or neighbor. This does not mean that you allow inappropriate behavior, but you extend an attitude of grace to the little one. You model to the child respect for oneself, for others, and for the environment. If you don't make the welfare of your own immediate and extended family a priority, how will the children know how to best operate in the world?  Why does it seem so difficult for some Christians to focus on Charity toward those closest to them? If you would not talk to a friend from church or colleague at the office in a certain way, why do you talk to your husband, daughter, wife, son, sister, or grandchild that way? And no family member should be treated as lesser than another. Think about whether you extend unconditional love and acceptance to your own family members.

Unfortunately, the model of many Christians is not one of Charity. Some Christians don't have their priorities straight, and they worry about what outsiders think of them and their family more than they care about the consideration of their own family members. These people go to church but live quite a different life the rest of the week. This kind of hypocrisy turns so many people off ever wanting to be Christian, or makes it hard to admit for some that they are Christians themselves. They don't want to be associated with the "holier than thou" crowd who see the speck in the eye of someone else but not the log in their own.

Sometimes I get caught up in what other people think of my parenting. I feel like an open sore being stared and poked at. What if I don't want to belong to a homeschooling co-op this year? How many times a week does my child play with other children? Can she read as well as others her age? Should I put her in some kind of lessons? If her behavior doesn't live up to the expectations of others, will they think it is because she is homeschooled, or because I'm not a good enough mother? Wow, what a pile of buffalo chips to have to step around! (That's buffalo poop, in case you didn't know.) Whose business is any of this, anyway? Should I live my life trying to anticipate what will make other people happy? I will tell you right now, unequivocally, that it won't work. So stop slinking around corners holding a mirror and watching out for the basilisk living in Hogwart's castle. You will become paralyzed and not be able to function.

None of this stuff matters if my child does not receive unconditional love and acceptance from her family, whether immediate or extended. And that goes for the grace of Charity when it comes to how others treat my husband and I, too. So what should you do if someone is less than charitable toward you? You are still required to love him or her. But sometimes you just have to walk away, blessing others to go in peace, protecting your home front from harm. Although a door may close for now, perhaps a window will someday open. So keep your eyes on the ball of Love, my friends. Give the best example of your faith and hope that you can through the power of Charity, and let it begin at home (but also don't let it end there!).

1 Timothy 5:8 - But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.