Converting Your Husband with Your Behavior | Biblical Womanhood Series #3

I think that the sensibilities of modern women are offended, thanks to the insidious influence of feminism, by the idea that a wife's submission benefits her husband. This patriarchal structure oppresses women, they say, and does not allow women to develop themselves. Yet it's entirely biblical that a woman should happily submit to her husband, and that this benefits not only him, but herself as well. And with a careful reading of Scripture, we see the Beauty in God's ordered plan. Today we are looking at 1 Peter 3: 1-7, Catholic Confraternity Version. 

In like manner also let wives be subject to their husbands; so that even if any do not believe the word, they may without word be won through the behavior of their wives, observing reverently your chaste behavior. Let not theirs be the outward adornment of braiding the hair, or of wearing gold, or of putting on robes; but let it be the inner life of the heart, in the imperishableness of a quiet and gentle spirit, which is of great price in the sight of God. For in this manner in old times the holy women also who hoped in God adorned themelves, while being subject to their husbands. So Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You are daughters of hers when you do what is right and fear no disturbance. 

At the beginning of this passage we see that some women will be married to unbelievers, so if you are one of those, take heart. God was and is thinking of you and is giving you guidance in a difficult situation. Even if you married a Christian man, he could lose his faith, or he could be lukewarm and fail to take his family to church or be the spiritual head of the home. Perhaps he has lost his way through an addiction, or he suffers physical disabilities or a mental illness that make it more likely that he will fall short in his vocation as husband and father. 

The way out--of what may seem unbearable and feel like hell--for the wife is not necessarily to divorce her husband (though of course in the case of abuse, women need to get to safety and seek help), but rather to offer her suffering up to God for the bestowal of grace upon her husband. There is purpose in suffering. We must unite our afflictions to those of Jesus on the cross and lay it all at his feet.

And as the Bible assures us, we may win our husbands to a conversion by our behavior, by imitating the holy women of old. If New Testament women were charged with being submissive to their husbands as Sara was to Abraham in the Old Testament, then surely this message is still relevant for us today; and we additionally have New Testament examples such as Mary, the Mother of Our Lord, to show us the way. 

In some translations the word conversation is used instead of behavior, and I think that guarding our tongues is key to our husbands viewing us with reverence. Chastising our husbands never results in a good outcome, and often doing so escalates a potentially volatile situation, causing serious and even irreparable harm. If we cultivate that pearl of great price, a quiet and gentle spirit, we will please God, which is the ultimate point. 

Sometimes when I'm angry with my husband, or feeling taken for granted and unappreciated, my spirit becomes rebellious. I want to go on strike as a wife and not do things for my husband, like his laundry. But then I tell myself that I'm doing it for Jesus, and that way I can do it with joy and not resentment. 

Earlier this week I wanted my husband to do something for me, but he said no, not today. He had too many things that needed to be done, like paying the bills, and he needed my help with our home-based business. I was tempted to argue, and even reasoned with him that the task would only take a couple minutes. Again he said no, it would take longer than that, and by his tone I understood that my requiring his help even with something I thought would be simple, on this particular day would cause him stress. I remembered about being submissive, and I accepted his authority. 

Submission has to become a habit if we women are to be happy in our marriages. Not only will it also make our husbands happy, it will be a sacrifice of immense value to God, and it will help to build up the whole Body of Christ, which is crumbling. What you do to help your husband get to Heaven with your authentic Christian femininity can lead him to be a better man, you to be a better woman, and repairs the Church in ways you may never know. But know without doubt that it does. 

As far as how we dress and style our hair, I don't think this passage suggests that we literally don't wear braids. One sermon I heard online talked about how the pagan women of ancient Greece wore such elaborate braids that they looked like Medusa. So likely the message is to focus on our inward Beauty and keep our outward adornment modest and simple. In other words, don't try to look like the Kardashians, and don't act in worldly ways. 

Husbands, in like manner dwell with your wives considerately, paying honor to the woman as to the weaker vessel, and as co-heir of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. 

It is fine for a wife to gently remind her husband of his duty to her, and how he is to treat her. However, we must not do it with rebuke, treating him like a naughty child. I think it's also interesting that being the weaker vessel is put forth as a reason to honor the woman. Feminism, conversely, teaches that women are no different than men (and transgenderism has followed as a logical conclusion!), and that we should be offended at the suggestion that we are the weaker sex in any way. Personally, I am relieved that I am designed to be weaker than my husband, and I admire his physical strength and applaud him for it! 

It's clear as well that Christianity teaches that women are equal in dignity to men, equal children of God, made in his image and likeness. This was a radical view in those times. And that last admonition to husbands, that your prayers be not hindered, makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. A husband who fails in his duty to his wife and who does not love her in the proper manner (we will see that it is indeed sacrificial love he is called to in another passage) will not have his prayers heard or answered. God will turn a deaf ear to such a man. The wife's submissive, gentle spirit will help to safeguard her husband from damnation. 

Women, allow your husbands to lead even if you don't think they do a stellar job at it. Allow them to provide for you and your children. Stop emasculating them with your harsh tongues and rebelliousness. Get out of their way and let them step up to the plate. Even if they fail, serve them as you would serve Jesus. We can find rest in our biblical womanhood, fearing no disturbance. 

Additional Note: 

Though divorce is strongly discouraged in the Catholic Church, allowance is made in canon law for physical separation, and even divorce, in certain cases. Future posts will explore the idea of mutual submission and the conditions under which it may be necessary for a husband and wife to separate for a period of time. 

A Closer Look at Titus 2: 5 ("Domestic") | Biblical Womanhood Series #2

Viggo Pedderson, 1888

 ...to be discreet, chaste, domestic, gentle, obedient to their husbands, so that the word of God be not reviled. Titus 2: 5, Catholic Confraternity Version, emphasis mine

Before I proceed with this series, a few housekeeping (pun sort of intended!) notes:

1.  My intention is to be inclusive of all Christians. To that end, I will be using a variety of Bible translations, both Catholic and non-Catholic. My choice will depend upon which translation offers the best clarity in tandem with my theme. Keep in mind that Catholic Bibles contain 7 Old Testament books (as do Orthodox Christian versions) that are omitted in Protestant Bibles. Rest assured that "apocryphal" verses used from Catholic Bibles are in harmony with the message on these topics found in our shared books. I offer them to further elucidate and strengthen the argument for biblical womanhood. (I do hope that non-Christians will also benefit from this guidance.)

2.  Being that I am Catholic and therefore am not a "Bible only" Christian, I will additionally be offering wisdom from Church Tradition, to include such resources as Catholic catechisms, apostolic letters, writings of the Church Fathers, etc. Again, I assure you that these writings will support and help to interpret the biblical texts. 

3.  My goal is to support all women in their endeavors to be good Christian disciples, wives and mothers. This includes mothers who work outside the home, single mothers, married and unmarried women, full-time homemakers, and wives without children. Guidance will also be given to unmarried, childless women. All women are called to be spiritual mothers. I condemn no one for their choices and circumstances, but rather wish to encourage all women, in whatever their situations, to seek to align their wills and lives to God's design. Some may be offended, and feelings may be hurt, but please believe that I'm here to help, and I care about your happiness.  

So let's take a look at this word, domestic. I chose this particular translation for the notes, as it comes from the St. Joseph Textbook Edition of 1963, which is an excellent study Bible, with references to original sources. This one tells us that in the translation into English rendered as "domestic," variants in the original Greek text give us two words very similar in form, meaning "home worker" and "stayer at home." 

I will add that in my research I've learned there is also the sense in the original Greek of women being the guardians of the home, and this nuance is well reflected in the King James Version as "keepers at home."  Other translations use "homemakers," "busy at home," and "workers at home." 

I have seen the emphasis on guardianship being used to argue that the Bible is not referring to domestic work in Titus, such as housekeeping, but rather to a spiritual care of the home. I would argue that it's all tied together, and the variety of translations make clear that the vocation of a wife and mother is carried out explicitly in the home. Of course, we will look at many other Bible passages that affirm the roles of men and women; but as this admonition to be full-time homemakers is a sticking point even for many Christian women, I thought it wise to rip off the band-aid and get it out of the way. No invisible elephants welcome in the room here! 

Let this serve to encourage, first of all, the full-time wife and mother who is busy at home, for whom the care and guardianship of her home and those in it are her top priorities. You sacrifice much and take a lot of heat for embracing this traditional lifestyle in a modern world dominated by radical feminism. A huge pile of guilt can fall on you for "being able" to stay home with your children, for "not working," for betraying the dogma of women's "liberation." 

But your obedience to God comes first, so please be affirmed in your choice, sacrifice, dedication, and courage. Be a light on the hilltop. Other women need to see your perseverance, conviction, joy, and yes, submission. Whether you have one child or ten, or even if you are a wife with no children, your place really is in the home. The home is your place of power. Have you ever thought of that before? Listen to this:

I desire therefore that the younger widows marry, bear children, rule their households, and give the adversary no occasion for abusing us. For already some have turned aside to Satan.  (1 Timothy 5: 14-15, Catholic Confraternity Version, emphasis mine)

While this passage is contained in St. Paul's directions for the care of widows, obviously the same message applies to non-widows. We see again that the young women are to take great care in their work in the home, which is their overriding purpose, in order to safeguard the word of God. Their physical presence in the home, nurturing husband and children, is necessary to the spiritual guardianship of the home and serves to guard their feminine power. I would argue that when women choose or are forced by circumstances to leave the home for many long hours in the workforce, it disempowers them. It emasculates the husbands as well, which is a topic for the future.

For now, take pride, in the best sense of the word, in your role as homemaker--guardian, ruler, and keeper of your domestic sphere. 

 

Loving my Homemaker Life | Biblical Womanhood Series #1

 

For some time I've wanted to write a series on biblical womanhood, but I have hesitated for various reasons. Where to begin? Am I qualified? What if what I say hurts or offends people? Questions such as these kept the idea tucked in the back of my mind. 

Recently, on a sunny day while I was enjoying being outdoors, I had an epiphany. I love my life. The feeling of true contentment I experienced may have come after weeding my brick patio, of all things. It hit me out of nowhere, and I was filled with gratitude. I was also relieved to recognize the truth that I really do take joy in my life, because I was not always feeling that way. Homemaking is repetitious, can seem not that important, and can be extremely frustrating when one feels she never gets ahead, when her hard, faithful work is constantly unraveled. 

The internal knowledge that I love my simple life, that quiet wellspring of joy, came just before a crisis hit, and everything seemed to spiral out of control. I slid into fear, anger, resentment, and insecurity. The peace of my life was shattered, and I felt like I had reached an impasse in which I could not stay in my marriage. I thought my lovely homemaker days might have to come to an end. And while I have hope, I don't feel entirely confident that it will all work out. This is, of course, because I've been leaning on my own understanding and have not truly given the wheel over to Christ. 

How could I write about biblical womanhood under such uncertain conditions? Perhaps this is exactly the reason. It is clear to me today that biblical womanhood, sometimes also called authentic femininity, is the only way out. It's the only chance my family has of staying together and being happy. I believe that the Holy Spirit allowed me that window into true repose of the soul that day, right before the bottom dropped out, to sustain me through the storm. This life is worth fighting for. 

One thing I've learned is that I have to let go of perfectionism. No family is perfect, and I don't have to be perfect to teach on this subject. In fact, it's the reality of my shortcomings and what I have learned through the experience of 19 years of marriage and 17 years of motherhood that qualify me to teach on authentic Christian womanhood and family life. You will not find a June Cleaver here, though I suppose she can teach us a thing or two. 

Hmm... I just viewed images of June online, and I do find myself wanting to be her. I might just even search the library catalog for "Leave It to Beaver" on DVD! Trust me, you will never find me vacuuming in high heels. Even if I wanted to, my back and knees couldn't handle it. But otherwise, I mean, she was pretty awesome. 

The point here isn't whether or not I'm qualified, but that biblically I'm required, as an "older woman," to instruct the younger women in godliness. Titus 2: 1-5 (NKJV) says,

1But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: 2that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; 3the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

Biblical womanhood grates against feminism and our modern conceptions of femininity. It's controversial, even among Christians. But what is at stake is that the word of God be not blasphemed. That's pretty serious stuff, and we see evidence of blasphemy against God prevalent all around us. Women even older than me need this message. 

Here's the other thing I've determined. The restoration of traditional families and gender roles is the only way out of the predicament society is in. America is on the brink of collapse, and I believe that everything we have seen during the time of the COVID-19 pandemic, including the surge of Marxism and mob rule by domestic terrorists like BLM and Antifa, and the insanity of the woke leftist agenda, can be traced to the destruction of the nuclear family and the erosion of Judeo-Christian values. 

The good news is that it's not too late for a cultural revolution in the right direction, and each of us has control over how we respond to outside events and how we live our lives. The powers that be would love to remove our unalienable, God-given freedom and the constitutional liberty based upon faith in our Creator, so we must fight for it. We give our lives back to God, or we lose it all. 

In his 1995 "Letter to Women," John Paul II called on us, on the feminine genius, to save the world. What I plan to share with you in this series on biblical womanhood is exactly how we do it. 

Read the above passage from Titus carefully. Meditate upon it and hold it in your heart. Submit to the word of God. We must humble ourselves if we want to be guided by the Holy Spirit. We must believe that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, that where we follow God's will, there is always a way. It's time for Christian women to return to the home, to be full-time wives and mothers, to embrace being the guardians and keepers of our homes as our true vocation. Our rebellious spirits may recoil at this idea, and you might think that even if you wanted to quit your job, you simply can't. It just isn't a possibility in your circumstances. Try to still your soul and listen. Your feeling of discomfort, maybe even anger, is evidence of being convicted of the truth in your heart. If you are already home but are struggling, please also come along on this journey. In every case, acknowledge the fear and doubt you are feeling, and then lay it at Jesus's feet. 

Conservative Women | There's a Place for Us

 

I watched portions here and there of the confirmation hearings for Judge Amy Coney Barrett to the U.S. Supreme Court last week. Nothing stood out to me like the comments from Senator Lindsey Graham (R--S. Carolina), when he told Amy that her confirmation will signal to conservative women that there's a place for them. What I heard him saying was that there's a place for me, and women like me, in this country. I've thought about this every day since, including watching Barbara Streisand sing "Somewhere" on YouTube!

Can we indeed find a new way of living? Amy's confirmation will surely be a step in the right direction. But if Joe Biden wins the presidency in November, and he packs the court, which seems to be the plan, I feel like we will be left in a very dark place, with an expansion certain of the culture of death, socialist Marxism, and mob rule destroying our democratic Republic and its rights and principles like a flesh eating bacteria. 

We need a plan, in our own minds and families, if President Trump is not re-elected. Ultimately, we cannot seek a savior outside of us, except Jesus Christ, and we must steep ourselves in the light, love, and freedom of the Gospel. To what extent our opposition to tyranny and totalitarianism is either quiet, or public and active, is an individual choice, but we have to be willing to stand firm in that resistance, gather the strength of Our Lord firmly within ourselves, and not wait to see what happens. Conservative women, especially, must insist that there is a place for us, a place of honor and respect, and stop accepting unacceptable behavior. 

I've seen no end to leftist liberal women supporting one another, defending even lewd behavior and the abortion genocide, and pretending like any views differing from theirs are intrinsically wrong and anti-woman. Just one case in point was the lascivious Super Bowl half-time show put on this year by Jennifer Lopez and Shakira, complete with "dancing" that drew special attention to the crotch, and camera close-ups to accentuate it. JLo gyrated on a stripper pole and ended that performance in a gesture as if she were on the cross of Christ. 

On so many levels it was a disgusting show, and even my teenage daughter had the good sense to characterize it as "gross." Yet my impressions of the show posted to Facebook led to responses implying that as a dance artist myself, and a middle aged woman like the performers, I ought to have appreciated their athleticism. It was even suggested that I felt threatened and jealous. 

My opinion, as is so typical of how conservative women are treated, was invalidated. I saw lots of posts in my newsfeed defending against the backlash Jennifer and Shakira received from many people, who expected a family friendly show, and got nothing of the sort. As supposedly strong feminine role models, these women were lauded as deserving of being lifted up, just because they were women, and especially because they were also Hispanic. 

What a difference conservative women could make if they banded together and unapologetically, and without concessions to diplomacy in order to be "nice," stood up for what we value. The Bible tells us nowhere that we must be nice. Kind, yes, but not nice. Patient, yes, but not nice. We must not be rude, that's true, but we are not called to be nice. Niceness is not a virtue. We are called to be virtuous women. We are called to certain roles in our family, in our churches, and in society, and I have been wanting for a long time to speak up about the biblical truths in this area. However, I know some will certainly be offended, and feelings may be hurt. But ultimately, only good comes from living the Truth. 

There's a place for conservative women. Conservative women helped to found this great country. There's a place for me, and I'm of an age where Scripture calls me to teach the younger women. That is a responsibility that I need to have the courage to shoulder. Conservative women are called to do their part to save a once godly nation, which has not ceased to be abundantly blessed by God and filled with a great many people of real and abiding faith.