SFL Series: Clearing the Fog

Occasionally I check my stats here at the blog to see what posts people are reading most. Sometimes articles are viewed that I wrote a long time ago, so I click on them to jog my memory. Today I noticed that a few people had read a post from the joie de vivre series that I wrote three years ago. I have written a lot about French inspiration and the unique joy of life that the French possess. This slow family living idea is in the same vein.

Right now I want to talk about "brain fog". This phrase has come up in things I've been reading lately. People have trouble with memory and concentration. They lack energy and focus, feeling like they are going through their days not quite awake. I know this feeling well. The typical American cure is coffee. And more coffee. And lots of coffee all day long.

I got a few books (okay, a small pile!) from the library by Dr. Mark Hyman. He does not appear to be a fan of caffeine. It's a major toxin, he says. On the path to getting healthy, he recommends gradually cutting down on the coffee until--gasp!--one is caffeine free.

At this many of us dig in our heels. We love our coffee! Because we like the taste. Not because we are addicted. Hey, coffee is a French thing, no? I hate to admit it, but not everything the French do is to be celebrated. They have many good, healthy cultural habits. And I'm going to guess that they probably don't take the coffee habit to excess. They are excessive in nothing but their passion for life. So yes, they enjoy a quality cup of java. I seriously doubt any of them are drinking full pots of Maxwell House or Folger's every day.

The French way would be to drink the highest quality coffee you can afford, to sit and drink it slowly, savoring the aroma and flavor; dunking a baguette for breakfast in it; enjoying people watching from an outdoor cafe. This is not how we drink coffee in America.

My husband and I do drink high quality coffee. I do sit and enjoy it. At first. But I can drink coffee through the morning hours without eating any breakfast, the result of which is jangled nerves, an upset stomach, and not much relief from the brain fog. Dr. Hyman says, in fact, that caffeine ends up depleting one's energy. It also interferes with sleep. So what am I going to do?

Well, I've been cutting back, and my stomach does feel better. Not feeling well in my stomach is what finally convinced me that coffee is my enemy. My goal today is to drink tea instead, which has only a third of the caffeine as coffee. I like organic Earl Grey. But when the Earl Grey is gone, I'm going to switch to what I have left of my Yerba Mate, a tea with naturally occurring caffeine that doesn't jangle the nerves or upset the stomach and is chock full of nutrients. I'm also drinking Women's Energy tea from Yogi, which contains the hormone balancing herb, dong quai. 

In addition to cutting the caffeine I'm eating healthier. This morning I ate a good breakfast of eggs scrambled with non-GMO soy milk, and plain, organic whole milk yogurt with farmers market black berries. Food is a topic we will explore in depth as we go along. The idea is to be truly healthy and to feel good in body, mind, and spirit. It isn't to lose weight, though that will likely be a natural consequence. A sluggish mind, heartburn, nausea, dehydration, insomnia, and constipation aren't worth what might be benefited from the caffeine habit. It's time to let go of the denial. If you don't feel good, you aren't healthy. What small step can you take to feel better today?

The Vintage Catholic Housewife

I have just updated this Organic Mothering blog with a new image of the Madonna and Child, which features the Proverbs 31:18 verse, Her lamp shall not be put out in the night. I have also changed the subtitle to the vintage catholic housewife. In general, a new look is always refreshing. In particular, I have decided to pull together the various themes of this blog and focus in on the time period from the 1920s, up till about 1965.

While no era in history is perfect, there are certain distinguishing features of those decades which I think are desirable and applicable to contemporary life. Might I even say, profoundly inspirational. We can never go back to those bygone days, and in many respects we would not wish to. Yet history exists for us to learn from, does it not? That's what we always heard in school, and that's one area where the truth has been told.

I chose the 1920s as the starting point, because this decade is seen by historians as the beginning of our Modern America. While there is much that is appealing in prior eras, such as in Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie days, the 1920s and forward are accessible in a way that earlier times are not. I closed the timetable with 1965, because that was the last year of the Second Vatican Council, after which the Church was plunged into a confusion and disarray from which she has not fully recovered. It's also before certain radical components of feminism spun into full throttle.

But why on earth, you may be wondering, did I choose to use the word housewife? Well, it works better with the word vintage, for one. And it's kind of fun at this point in Post Modern America to use such an old-fashioned term. Homemaker is truly more lovely and accurate, but if I'm going to get into a certain mindset, I think it's advantageous to use the terms that conjure those retro images in the imagination.

I think that those traditional ways of living and worshiping from 1920s to early 1960s America were much inspired by French Catholics, so do not despair that I am taking leave of la joie de vivre. Far from it. I believe it will all come together most nicely. So welcome to my vintage Catholic housewife bubble!

S & F Series--What's Age Got to Do with It?

I am reading Tish Jett's Forever Chic: Frenchwomen's Secrets for Timeless Beauty, Style and Substance, and so far I have mixed reviews to give you. The book starts out strong, telling us that in France age has nothing to do with beauty. I already knew this about the French, and of course I wildly applaud it. A woman of a certain age, la femme Francaise d 'un certain age, is considered to be sexy and alluring. She has that elusive mystique that comes from a combination of confidence, intelligence, charm, and personal style. An especially insightful idea from Tish is that the outward appearance cannot be separated from the inner substance of a woman. Therefore, the immense effort that a Frenchwoman puts forth to look stunning on the outside is part and parcel of her overall character. It isn't just empty vanity. And the Frenchwoman above all desires to look natural, to look like herself. Frenchwomen like themselves.

This is all wonderful stuff, but the "secrets" of the French allure include an arsenal of estheticians, dermatologists, and plastic surgeons, plus a giant slew of anti-aging products used at home. I once read that French women spend most of their money on skin care and lingerie, and apparently the first part of that is true! It's all well and good that French women wish to look natural and so do not go overboard with invasive treatments like face lifts and botox, but to me there is just something fundamentally insecure about having all of this work done in order to maintain the forty-year-old face until age 70. It reflects the same societal pressure that American women encounter to look forever young and smokin' hot.

 la femme francoise d' un certain age, Juliette Binoche

Tish does have French friends who prefer to forgo the plastic surgery and age truly naturally, relying instead on healthy lifestyles, including religiously wearing sunscreen, taking good care of their skin, exercising, eating well, and avoiding smoking and excessive alcohol consumption. The women who employ the help of plastic surgeons also do these things. They all have excellent habits. And I certainly agree with Tish's advice to have a yearly appointment with a dermatologist in order to have one's skin thoroughly checked. Skin cancer is one of the most deadly kinds.

Lucky for you all, I am a licensed esthetician. I worked in a prominent day spa in Columbus for several years, and I can give you the scoop on what you really need to maintain radiant, youthful skin, without breaking the bank.

My plan is to post a new article every Monday, although I may do so more often. The next topic up will focus on good skin care habits, because you must have this foundation set before you worry about makeup and everything else. Your skin is your largest organ, after all! So please sign up as a blog follower and to receive updates via email, and I would be delighted to hear of your own progress to simplify and Frenchify in the comments below.

To Simplify & Frenchify--S & F Series Introduction

I'm so excited this morning, because I just received Forever Chic: Frenchwomen's Secrets for Timeless Beauty, Style and Substance by Tish Jett. I've been wanting this book for a long time, which is geared toward the 40+ woman. I've also had an idea for a blog series brewing in my mind, and spring is the perfect time to get down and dirty in the pursuit of a simpler, more meaningful life. Ladies (and gentleman if you are reading), it's time for a merciless decluttering! But we aren't going to think in terms of "spring cleaning" or getting rid of stuff. We are going to pull focus instead on the idea of keeping in our homes and our lives only those things which bring us joy.

The weather is supposed to warm up to the low 60s today, so windows may be opened! I have both my front porch and upstairs balcony already cleaned out and ready for sitting. It's time to live al fresco, but with the protection of screened spaces. A porch can serve as an outdoor cafe. The cafe, in Paris, is the place to see and be seen. In my case, the passersby may not be incredibly chic, but I can be a role model nevertheless, and so can you. Bring up the chic factor in your own neighborhood! This includes walking to as many destinations as possible. Walking is tres French.

Spring is wardrobe transition time. Before you put your winter clothes in storage, go through each piece of clothing you own, actually touching it meditatively in the way of Marie Kondo, author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I began with the tops and bottoms in my dresser drawers and have moved on to the closet. After tops and pants will come sweaters, skirts, dresses, and jackets. Right now I have enough transitional pieces that I don't need to pull my warmer weather clothing out of storage yet. When I do, I will immediately pare down to only those items that warm my soul. We are going to declutter by categories, and categories within categories, as Kondo strongly suggests. And you start with your own belongings. So your own clothes first!

If you don't have good feelings when you handle a particular item, no matter what the reason or for no discernible reason at all, off to charity it goes! If you are currently a size 12 and believe that you will soon be a 10 but know that you will never realistically see a size 8 again, get rid of the too small clothing. Those pieces that you love but that don't fit quite yet can be tucked away for a time but should not remain with the clothes in current circulation. Sentimental items are sorted last, so put pieces that you don't wear but that tug at your heartstrings aside for now. (That's a relief, huh?)


Voila! You have a place to begin. But you must begin it. Today. Throughout this series, I will share with you where I am at in sorting my categories of stuff, and we will explore Tish Jett's Frenchy wisdom. We will be chic--simply, beautifully, and substantially chic--in every area of life. Are you ready to finally meet the real you?

Easy Broccoli Cheese Soup

I've been sick since Friday, but yesterday the sun came out and healed me a bit. It was funny, because I woke up early, coughing my head off, and tried to make a doctor appointment. No one at the medical center answered. I found out later we were under a level 3 weather emergency, so that explained it. At noon we went down to a level 2, so I headed out to run some errands, no longer feeling like I needed the doctor. I wanted those little clementine oranges, so I popped into the grocery and then had a craving for mushroom soup. Mushrooms are immunity building and healing you know, so I assume it was an intuitive eating thing.

When I was single and lived alone, I taught myself to cook some things by using recipes I found on the back of cans. These are usually simple and naturally include the item in the can. I was checking the soup label to make sure there weren't any really bad ingredients (as a vegetarian, I have to be on the lookout especially for lard). I was thrilled to notice a recipe for broccoli cheese soup also on the label. It was just like old times! I'm going to start doing this more often. Typically we buy organic, frozen broccoli at Meijer, but they were out the last time my husband went shopping, so I bought conventional. As usual, I altered the recipe a bit, so I'll just tell you how I made it, and you can tweak it however you wish.

Shopping list:  1 package 12 to 16 oz. frozen broccoli; one 26 oz. can cream of mushroom condensed soup; your choice cheese; canola or vegetable oil; milk or half & half; Better Than Bouillon or chicken broth; onion; garlic.
(Exact amounts of ingredients will vary according to the size soup you are making and according to taste.)

1.  Put a little organic canola oil in the bottom of a saucepan. Add one chopped white onion (I used a small one). If you have garlic cloves, chop them and throw them in. I didn't, so I sprinkled in some  garlic powder. I ground organic black peppercorns and added some organic thyme (good for respiratory illness!). Saute until onions are soft (about 3 to 5 minutes).

2.  Add bag of frozen broccoli and saute 2 minutes. Stir in one can cream of mushroom soup (this was Essential Everyday brand). The recipe called for 1 pound of processed cheese spread, cubed. I'm not sure what this is--maybe Velveeta? I grated raw, organic sharp cheddar cheese and added that instead, but nowhere near a pound. I didn't measure it. The recipe called for 2 cups of half & half, but I used organic 1% milk. And instead of 1 cup chicken broth, I used 2 teaspoons vegetarian Better Than Bouillon No Chicken Base.

3.  Simmer 10 minutes or until cheese is melted and soup is heated through. Serve with croutons if desired. Easy peasy lemon squeezy!!

The raw cheese was quite strong, and I was afraid Beezy and her cousin who was visiting wouldn't like it, so I threw some organic oven fries in to bake. As it turned out, they both liked the soup, but Beezy didn't finish hers because it was a little too strong. Her cousin thought it was really good, and my husband, who loves strong cheese, thought it was amazing. I was especially pleased thinking that the French would approve, what with their affection for creamy dishes, and good cheese, of course!
For dessert we had frozen organic berries, slightly thawed.

I like the French idea of making sure you have at least 3 courses for dinner. It makes trying something different less risky, especially when you have kids. If the girls hadn't been fond of the soup, they could have just eaten a small portion and would for sure have liked the fries and fruit. So give the soup a try and tell me what you think, or share a comfort soup of your own for cold winter days.

Sensible Food Habits from the French

Today after not finishing her lunch, Beezy asked if she could have ice cream. I thought it a good time to fill her in on my new plan for establishing better eating habits. I have written about the French approach to meals before, and for awhile I followed it. But bad habits die hard, and I had never actually shared with my daughter why I wanted to change the way we eat. In addition, I think I had made an effort to improve my own habits, but I hadn't completely followed through with her.

Basically, the French eat three meals a day, plus a 4:00 snack called the goute. It depends on the source as to which meal is largest. Breakfast my be just a tartine (baguette with butter and jam or some other topping) and coffee, or may be more substantial, but it is never skipped. Bread and cheese are usually part of lunch and dinner, and dinner has at least three courses. I think the last meal of the day is usually a little later in France, around 7:30 to 8:00, and dessert is traditionally served. Families sit down to eat dinner together, and just to emphasize the point, there is no snacking between these designated meals times.

After I told Beezy at lunch that she wouldn't be eating again until the 4:00 snack, she was willing to finish her soup (she had eaten a clementine orange and only half her soup), plus a peanut butter and jelly sandwich made with French bread left over from last night's dinner. For our goute, we had homemade banana bread. Beezy assisted by mashing the bananas and cracking and wisking the eggs. Perhaps after having a later dinner, she will not need her usual bedtime snack.

Now, radical unschoolers will let their children decide what, when, and how much they eat. They won't require them to sit at table with their family for meals. Children don't need structure, schedules, or consistency, they assert. While unschoolers are fond of criticizing "mainstream" parenting, in many ways American parents in general are becoming more and more like unschoolers. Of course, each family has its own way of doing things, and the above comments are not true for unschoolers across the board. Some only unschool in the area of education, and I discussed some thoughts about that aspect yesterday. By and large, if unschooling philosophy is applied to all areas of life, then the statements made above about radical unschoolers are generally true.

Interestingly, the formation of these eating habits would certainly be considered part of a child's education in France, right along with learning how to be respectful, polite, and obedient to parents. Correcting a child's behavior is not considered discipline, as we would call it in America. It is called education, which is not the same thing as schooling. We'll talk more about that down the road. What I like about the French idea of education is that parents are responsible for teaching children how to interact properly with others. They firmly and immediately nip disobedience and misbehavior in the bud, beginning with toddlers. The authority of French parents is established early on and consistently maintained. They are in control of the development of good life habits in their children. The more I think about it, the more the unschooling idea of children "self-regulating" is bizarre, untrue, and dangerous.

Once a meal schedule is established, a framework will be put in place for a daily routine that other activities can be worked into. Schedules can be flexible and need not be planned down to every 15 minute segment of the day, but having a general structure to our daily round has many benefits, which I will continue to explore. How we eat effects every other area of life. Isn't it worth getting it right?

Undoing Unschooling

I spent a considerable amount of time looking on the internet yesterday for information regarding how to detox from unschooling. I found next to nothing, no matter what key words I employed. Naturally there is a lot of information out there about how to "deschool" and "deprogram" from the effects of institutionalized education. Parents find that they have to deeply question their notions about what education means when they begin to homeschool, and if children have been pulled from the school system, they need time to decompress and to figure out what their interests are and what to do with their time. All of that makes sense.

But what if you need to undo the effects of unschooling? In many ways I have followed unschooling principles in my parenting, even before I actively researched this philosophy and purposefully worked it into our household. I was attracted to the promise of increased joy and creativity, a more relaxed and natural way of living. Ironically, this led me to an interest in the French concept of la joie de vivre, finding deeper meaning through living with more formality, elegance, and passion. Between the French lifestyle and becoming Catholic, I found myself longing for tradition, which is not something often advocated in the unschooling world.

So I am now onto ideas gleaned from French parenting. One hot button topic in unschooling is "food freedom". Children know when they are hungry and what their bodies need, so they should be allowed free choice concerning when and what to eat. French children, on the contrary, eat what is put before them. There is no snacking save at 4:00 p.m., similar to the English tea time. Families eat at table together, and there isn't a separate category of kid foods, like we have in America. Children aren't forced to eat everything on their plates, but they must try what has been prepared. Since French people don't graze all day, they are actually hungry at meal times. Including the children. And so they eat what is on their plates! Simple as that. Why is this so hard for us?

Just now, having not even eaten breakfast yet, my daughter began to open a piece of chocolate. The radical unschooling mother would have allowed this. But non. I did not. Eat a real breakfast, I said. Now she has an apple. Yesterday I made an omelette for lunch, which Beezy helped with by cracking the eggs and whisking them. She wanted just cheese in the omelette. I wanted broccoli, which she likes, so I added it, and also onions, which she doesn't like. I didn't mention that I was putting onion in. I used only a little and cut the pieces very small. She ate her entire portion and didn't even notice the onions! She was hungry because she had not been snacking.

This reminds me of a friend of Beezy's who has visited at our house. I was telling her dad that she had told me she didn't like vegetables, so I asked him for ideas about what foods she likes. He looked at his daughter and said, "You eat what's put in front of you. You know that." During dinner when she didn't want to eat her vegetables, I reminded her what her father had said, and she ate her meal without complaint. She wasn't the least bit upset by it, either.

Another story is a funny one from my own family growing up. My brother was a super finicky eater, and he had gotten alarmingly skinny. My mom took him to the doctor. The doctor set down a rule that my mom must follow. The kids were to eat whatever she cooked, and after dinner, the kitchen was closed. If you didn't eat your dinner, you didn't get to have something else later. After a couple of weeks, my brother was eating everything. This doctor was brilliant! It was his fault that the kitchen was closed, so my brother was mad at the doctor, not my mom. And my mom had the resolve to stick to the plan, because good mothers know what is best for their children, a truth that radical unschoolers would deny.

I have found myself feeding what amounts to an entire meal to my child at bedtime. This will not do. I think a small bedtime snack is fine, but it should not be a time to make up for not eating enough all day long. The bottom line is this: I am no longer going to make special food for children, neither my own nor anyone else's. They will at least try everything on their plates. I am going to cook with healthy ingredients that I enjoy, whether or not my child thinks she likes them. I am not a short order cook, and neither are you. Take charge of meal times! Sit down for dinner together as a family on most days of the week! Do not prepare special kid foods!! Do not allow snacking and grazing all day! But your family is too busy with extracurricular activities to sit down to dinner together, you say? Non, non, non, amie. Then you cut out those activities. Family time should be your priority, not wrestling, ballet, or gymnastics.

When my books come in that I mentioned in the last post, I will share the advice found therein and my own experiences, and together we can undo the unschooling/American lifestyle damage, if that is your wish.
Start today with baby steps. Start with developing good eating habits that will last a lifetime and provide precious, irreplaceable family memories.

French Twist & Saying No to Unschooling

http://www.workingmother.com/content/french-twist-my-experiment-french-parenting

I just read an excerpt, linked above, from the book French Twist, by Catherine Crawford. I promptly ordered it from the library. It seems like just the remedy I need! The remedy for what, you ask? Oh, it's a book about an American mother's experiment in adopting the French parenting style, inspired by a French friend of hers. Crawford observed herself and parents in many American cities having lost total control of their children. By trying to keep her children always completely satisfied, and in line with the modern trend toward respecting children to the point of abdicating all authority, she found herself exhausted. While Crawford's daughter was throwing a tantrum in another room, the French mother gave this advice:  If there is no blood, don't get up.

This is what I need--a sense of humor about the whole situation. Now, my daughter is a pleasant person and she doesn't throw fits. But I fear that my foray into unschooling has only been helpful to the extent that I am feeling more and more like it doesn't sit right with me. In the long run, by abandoning the whole unschooling project, I hope to forge a better, saner path. While it provided me with much-needed inspiration, and I am grateful for that, it also gave me some guidelines on how not to parent. Gentleness and peace can be cultivated without subscribing to unschooling philosophy.

With my own child, it's the arguing, albeit with general politeness, that wears me (and especially her dad!) down. And particularly because she is an only child, it's the pressure to be the entertainment committee and alleviate any potential boredom that drives me crazy. How does this relate to why I think unschooling reflects a less than ideal parenting style?

Here is the type of question people ask on unschooling forums: "Should I let my 6 year old watch The Hunger Games?" Um, no, obviously. The scary part is that parents lack confidence to the extent that they go online and ask strangers for advice. And the type of advice they get is to allow the child to watch the movie, perhaps explaining first that children get violently killed, and the movie might cause nightmares. If it is scary, you can stop the movie and discuss it. Then maybe continue on, or maybe the child will decide that she doesn't want to see it. This isn't just an issue with homeschoolers. It is nothing less than a nationwide parenting crisis. My duty as a mother is to teach my child and protect her from harm, not merely to facilitate a child-led learning process.

I agree that it's a good idea to get at the root of undesirable behaviors, to respect children as people, and to give them practice making choices. But this new "partnership paradigm" in the relationship of parents and children, in my opinion, has gotten out of hand. It doesn't simplify life (at least not for me), and it doesn't necessarily make for a more peaceful home (as attested by many FB unschooling group members). It puts too much responsibility on the shoulders of children whose parents should be in charge. There, I said it. Parents should be in control. Control in the unschooling community is a very nasty word. This whole idea of "trusting" kids to know for themselves what they need to learn, when they need to go to bed, and what is okay to watch on TV is a big pile of schlock--like a sandwich oozing with way too much peanut butter and jelly, like Ally Sheedy's lunch in The Breakfast Club. Authoritative is not the same thing as authoritarian. Family relationships and our relationship with God should come first in any notion of education, and the parents should lead the way.

I have another book coming from Amazon written by a Catholic mom in the 1950s. It isn't a homeschooling book, but I need advice on how to raise my child in a Catholic home that makes some sense. Some good old-fashioned solid advice that allows a mother to say, "No. Because I said so." Now wouldn't that be truly radical?

French Actress Crush

On New Year's Eve my husband and I watched the movie, Now You See Me on DVD. The French actress Melanie Laurent, who I had never previously seen, plays an Interpol agent. She was blonde in this movie, but I found images of her also with light brown hair. I loved her quintessential French look. She did not appear to have been made over by Hollywood stylists, but rather looked as though she was wearing clothes right out of her own closet and had done her own hair and makeup. And of course it was le no makeup look! Her hair was usually in a casual bun at the nape of her neck, and she even wore the classic black and white striped shirt in one scene. Melanie is my new style crush. I'm in love!

Perhaps for 2014 you can choose a style muse. She doesn't have to be French, but she should be real. Someone who can inspire you while wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Melanie was subtly sexy, not overtly a bombshell. If you are a natural bombshell type, more power to you. Channel your inner Marilyn Monroe. But as you know, I'm going for that certain joie de vivre that manifests as an understated attention to detail, a quiet inner strength, an authentic passion for life framed by adherence to tradition. And come to think of it, Marilyn was nothing if not mysterious.

I am making no resolutions for 2014. I don't think that would be very French, do you? Aren't you already fabulous just the way you are?

Melanie Laurent

Replacing Toxicity with Privacy and Manners

In France it is necessary, at the very least, to greet people with a polite, "Bonjour."  Bonjour Madame or Bonjour Monsieur is preferable. When I went to Paris with my parents on the State Farm trip my dad had won with his awesomeness, the company coached us on some basic French words and phrases. We should not expect the French to respond well to our presumption that they should speak in English. It was crucial that we show respect by attempting to speak their language, even if poorly. A simple bonjour would go a long way. And you know what? I did not experience the supposed rudeness of the French on our trip. In fact, in one store I visited on the Champs Elysses, I was greeted with, "Oh, I like you!" Yes, it was a man.

I know many people in the U.S. who have lovely manners. They say, "Good morning," and enquire about my well being. They say please and thank you. They write real letters and wrap presents with care. When they come to stay at my home, they bring me a hostess gift. Then there is everyone else. There is a gross absence of manners and decorum in modern society, most especially in regard to internet and cell phone communication. Case in point. I recently posted a link to favorable homeschooling statistics on my Facebook wall. As anyone who homeschools knows, we need all the encouragement we can get, and it is imperative to celebrate our freedom, our successes, the joie de vivre of this lifestyle.

A cousin wrote a very lengthy response which was in no way rude or disrespectful, yet it opened the door to disagreement. This is not necessarily a bad thing. But there was no indication in her post that she personally knew me, that we were actually related. No warmth, not even a simple greeting to indicate that we were both persons. While I was cordial, my response was likewise impersonal, taking my cue from her. I missed an opportunity to role model good manners. Internet conversations can easily get messy because they intrinsically lack tone. One must be very careful to remember that the person on the other end is breathing. My cousin's father joined the conversation, making it clear that he did indeed know me, but with no trace of evidence that I am a person for whom he cares. Facebook has ruined our relationship. But does it have to be that way? Might a simple return to manners solve much of the problem?

Seeing that, as usual, a civil, respectful conversation was not to be had, I chose to set a boundary and clearly state that the conversation would not continue on my personal space. That boundary was not respected. I felt that my serenity was at stake, but also that I was at risk for sinking to a lower level than befits the person of class and grace that I aspire to be. If your heart is pounding in your chest and your stomach is churning when you are in the presence of a person or during whatever type of communication, and this is a recurring incidence, it is time to clean house. This is toxic. It is clutter. It is so not la joie de vivre.

Being polite and having manners does not mean being a doormat! It does not mean shying away from expressing yourself. Do you have a deep-seated need to be liked by everyone, to have everyone's constant approval? It will not happen, no matter what. Let go of trying to fix things over which you have no control. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. You can count on people to be exactly who they are.

You have a right to privacy. You have the right to decline an invitation to ride the crazy-making merry-go-round. Just say no as kindly as you can. Non, merci. There is no room in my life for frenemies. The time wasted on that long winded FB conversation can never be retrieved. It ruined my digestion of an excellent dinner. The next time you feel yourself drawn into drama, ask yourself what you could be doing instead. Perhaps savoring a piece of dark chocolate, dancing with your child, making love, baking bread, making art. Praying, singing, writing a letter to your best friend. Let us endeavor to always be exquisite in our manners and to never, ever be gauche. Only hang clean laundry on the line, and don't let anyone with messy hands into your yard. We can love people without allowing them to leave buffalo chips on our property. After all, you are a woman, or a man, of repose.

Easing into Homeschooling

It is a 90 degree day, and the children in our district went back to school today. I remember wanting to wear new clothes on my first day of high school (1983), so I dressed in a fall outfit comprised of a wool argyle sweater and corduroy pants, with penny loafers, of course! I was sweltering hot all day. Very uncomfortable. I think kids in the present era might be allowed to wear shorts to school. I hope they did today!

I was going to wait until after Labor Day to start our homeschooling, but since the streets were quiet and devoid of the neighborhood children Beezy usually plays with, it made sense to go ahead and ease back into our lessons. And this way we can be finished by early May. After my whole foray into researching unschooling and practicing natural learning over the summer, am I going to do anything different this year? Yes and no.

I kept a notebook all summer of our activities, and certainly there was much learning that happened naturally by simply living life and doing the things we enjoy doing. Beezy attended three vacation bible schools, went to the pool often, and played with many friends, including having lots of sleepovers. We had two family reunions and visited my husband's dad in upstate New York. We watched movies and played video games. Beezy participated in parks and recreation activities such as gardening, cooking, crafts, and a week of a special program at our library. She continued with the dog obedience classes begun in the spring and is still working on her 4-H program book for her dog project. Beezy and her dad played a lot of board games together, and math skills were reinforced this way.

While she did read some books over the summer, I didn't think that enough reading progress was happening through "unschooling". We go to Mass every week, but I feel that more is required to really learn about our Catholic faith. Weekly religious education classes at our church will begin next week. As Catholic homeschoolers, religion must be the center and foundation of our studies and our life. Also, math is one of Beezy's strengths, so that subject needs more formal attention to maximize her skills. I will continue to keep a record of all of our activities in my small, leather bound book.

What we did today was very simple. I have all of the books we will be using for the year already collected, except for whatever we may check out from the library. This way I can relax, knowing that we don't have to get every resource out and start using it now. We have the whole year ahead to explore...

Formal lessons will be worked into the day, not as a set schedule, but in the context of a natural and relaxed rhythm. With my recent exploration of the French way of life, la joie de vivre, it seems most logical to structure our days around meals! This probably seems obvious to some, but my family had habitually become grazers. I would often have only coffee for breakfast, and then a very small lunch, snack throughout the day, and then make a nice dinner, later snacking some more. But even sitting down together for at least one meal a day was not consistently happening. Now we are eating a real breakfast, a substantial lunch, and a lovely dinner. I am not snacking, but dessert is allowed, and usually I have one or two squares of Ghiradelli chocolate a day. I am paying more attention to eating slowly and really tasting and savoring what I put into my mouth.

We did a little homeschooling after breakfast. While I prepared lunch, Beezy played "girl games" on the laptop, which I am assisting her in learning to use. She also played outside. After lunch we did more lessons, then walked the dog together as a family. Beezy and I ran an errand, and then we played together with Monster High dolls. After that her dad read to her.

We began and ended our homeschooling with prayers from the Catholic Treasury of Prayers. I read the 20th chapter of John to her, and we prayed the first Sorrowful Mystery of the Rosary, the Resurrection, using a book of Our Lady's Rosary Novenas. Beezy worked on her dog project book, which uses writing skills, and read the first story in the Ginn classic reader, We Are Neighbors. I began reading the historical novel, St. Elizabeth's Three Crowns, to her, which I will sometimes have her narrate. That was it for today, just a gentle beginning to get back into the swing of things. Oh, and the soccer season began last evening, which covers physical education!

The difference in approach this year is mostly one of attitude rather than methodology. The focus is particularly Catholic, and I am not going to allow myself to feel pressured to achieve specific academic goals. There are no check lists or a scope and sequence curriculum to follow. We will live and learn at our own pace, with no separation between "school" and "home". Learning happens through the rituals of family life, and my goal is to make that life one of beauty, elegance, and refinement, celebrating tradition and experiencing joy in the smallest details. God alone, with a little help from the French and the Blessed Mother, is my guide.

Joie de Vivre & Homeschooling

I discovered for myself that in France presentation is not incidental, but capital. The kings may be long gone, but customs that started in the court, and the respect for rules and protocol, are still present in France today. French flair, style, and panache imply some kind of freedom. But form is ever present, and style and panache are played out within its boundaries. Form is not some abstract concept; it governs daily life...      

--Harriet Welty Rochefort, from Joie de Vivre


There you have it. I highlighted certain words in Harriet's passage, because they spoke to me of why particular aspects of unschooling philosophy and practice struck me like fingernails on a chalk board. Of course my voyage into the world of unschooling would have to intersect at some point with my new pursuit of joie de vivre. Now I know why, aside from religious considerations, the radical unschooling idea of "freedom without limits" sounded so wrong. My French sensibilities balked at the very idea! My maternal great-grandmother was a Valley (Vallee in French), half French, and my mother adored her. My grandmother and my mother surely inherited something of the French way from this woman whose father was French-American, both in their blood and in their life experience. No wonder the idea of formlessless, of the absence of boundaries, seems so, well, vulgar, to me!

Once again the value of discipline is brought to form, and the true freedom to be found within certain, defined parameters. To the French, this is what it means to be human. Tradition and custom are tres important. They are not trifles that impede self-expression and joy; rather, they are the very fabric from which the tapestry of joie de vivre is woven! They are natural to society. Therein lies my distinction between unschooling and natural learning. Neither should the fact that France is a Catholic nation be overlooked. I will take formal elegance and the value of beauty wrought from tradition over an inconsistent free-for-all any day. Give me fresh cut flowers on my dining room table. Let me eat my breakfast on fine china. And God give me the grace to teach my child how to live and learn well. Let joie de vivre be her inheritance.

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I think I will be writing on this topic of the singular, French enjoyment of living for a long time to come. Joie de vivre encompasses everything--how and what we eat, and what dishes we use to eat upon; the size of our wardrobe and what's in it; the little details that make life simple but rich, as in, full of deep meaning; the way we live and communicate with others; even how we worship God. I want to savor this journey, slowly taking in each morsel. I am not just writing about it; I am living it. I want to share my discoveries and experiences with you.

But I don't want to be on the computer all day writing and editing, and I don't want you to be on here reading terribly long articles! I also don't want to spend a lot of time posting every article to all the various groups to which I belong. So please take the time now to sign up as a follower and submit your email address for notification of new posts from my blog. If you have not been following the series so far, it begins with the article "Joie de Vivre". If you enjoy what I write, please share my blog with friends. I'd love to form a community dedicated to this way of life. Also, please make your comments directly on the blog so everyone can read them, rather than only those in certain groups on Facebook. I have readers from all over the world! What do those of you who are French think about all of this?

I received my two pairs of Kohl's shoes from online today. Both pairs of ballet flats are tres adorable! But comfort is also very important to me, and good quality. The black, faux patent leather flats are from Hush Puppies, and they feel supportive. The purple, faux velvet ones from Elle don't offer any support. Will my feet hurt from wearing them? They are obviously of a lower quality than the Hush Puppies. Decisions like these are small but important, when you want to have and wear only the best! That leads to the topic of my next post, which will explore the cost of high quality. Until then, take a walk in the sunshine, and don't forget to sign up to follow Organic Mothering! Together we will discover la petite pleasures of life...

Joie de Vivre

Joie de Vivre: a French phrase used to express a cheerful enjoyment of life; an exultation of spirit.

Joie de vivre "can be a joy of conversation, joy of eating, joy of anything one might do... And joie de vivre may be seen as a joy of everything, a comprehensive joy, a philosophy of life... Robert's Dictionnaire says joie is a sentiment exaltant ressenti par toute la conscience, that is, involves one's whole being" (Wikipedia).

Lately everything has been coming up French. It began with an article in More magazine about two women who swapped eating and exercise habits. One was French, the other American. The American lost two pounds in two weeks and substantially increased her energy level via adopting the French way. Plus, she didn't go to the gym in the mornings as was her standard routine before work, but walked to work and other places instead. The French eat high fat foods like cheese, real butter, pastries, and red meat. They also eats lots of local, fresh fruits and vegetables. And of course, wine is regularly drunk with meals.

I went to Paris in 1990 for eight days. I haven't lived in France, so I can't give you in depth knowledge about what it is like to actually live there. I did, however, witness people walking everywhere. The French are not in love with their cars. The cars I saw were very small by American standards and often dented. Evidently they don't worry over every bump and scratch. I also saw tons of bicycles. Something else that stood out was the seeming lack of makeup worn during the day. I was told that French women reserve makeup for going out in the evening.

After reading the magazine article, I started to incorporate the French eating habits. This involves a big breakfast and lunch cooked oneself, and a very small dinner. No snacking, and the kitchen is closed at 8:00 pm. Meals are leisurely, eaten together at a table with the family, and food is savored. Real food, not fast food, take out, or processed and packaged foods. One day this week I had a small but substantial breakfast of granola with organic yogurt and dried cranberries. Often I either only have coffee, or I eat a bowl of cereal (or some cookies!).

For lunch I began with a plate of hummus, carrots, organic blue corn chips, and dates. Usually that would constitute a normal lunch for me. But after that I cooked some scrambled eggs with organic cheese, onions, garlic, and mushrooms, and added curry powder and Trader Joe's everyday seasoning mix. It was so delicious! I forget what I had for dinner. I can tell you that after that large lunch, I had so much more energy than usual, and my mood was much improved!

I'm currently having camera trouble, so in lieu of featuring fall Gypsy Mama fashions, I'm going to explore the French concept of joie de vivre. I've ordered French lifestyle books from the library, and I've been inspired by Jennifer L. Scott's blog, The Daily Connoisseur, and her youtube videos.

Yesterday I felt very French. It was my husband's birthday, and also that of our cousin who just turned 8, so we all went to see Smurfs 2, which was, to my delight, set in Paris! Afterward we crossed the street from the movie theater and shopped at the farmers market on the town square. We got tons of produce as well as some homemade soap. In the evening we went out to a nice restaurant where a live jazz band was playing. I wore a simple but chic outfit and had followed Jennifer's "le no makeup" look (which, incidentally, is a significant about of makeup).

So I hope to keep up my French lifestyle aspirations, and I will share my journey with you. By the way, if you have read this far, be aware that this is the blog of a woman who has caught up on her laundry! At this moment I have merely one basket of dirty laundry in my basement. It is much easier to get dressed when one's clothes are clean, and life is certainly more joyful without that mountain of dirty laundry hanging perenially over my head. If I can do it, anyone can! Until next time, peace be with you...
Love,
dancingmommio