SFL Series: Clearing the Fog

Occasionally I check my stats here at the blog to see what posts people are reading most. Sometimes articles are viewed that I wrote a long time ago, so I click on them to jog my memory. Today I noticed that a few people had read a post from the joie de vivre series that I wrote three years ago. I have written a lot about French inspiration and the unique joy of life that the French possess. This slow family living idea is in the same vein.

Right now I want to talk about "brain fog". This phrase has come up in things I've been reading lately. People have trouble with memory and concentration. They lack energy and focus, feeling like they are going through their days not quite awake. I know this feeling well. The typical American cure is coffee. And more coffee. And lots of coffee all day long.

I got a few books (okay, a small pile!) from the library by Dr. Mark Hyman. He does not appear to be a fan of caffeine. It's a major toxin, he says. On the path to getting healthy, he recommends gradually cutting down on the coffee until--gasp!--one is caffeine free.

At this many of us dig in our heels. We love our coffee! Because we like the taste. Not because we are addicted. Hey, coffee is a French thing, no? I hate to admit it, but not everything the French do is to be celebrated. They have many good, healthy cultural habits. And I'm going to guess that they probably don't take the coffee habit to excess. They are excessive in nothing but their passion for life. So yes, they enjoy a quality cup of java. I seriously doubt any of them are drinking full pots of Maxwell House or Folger's every day.

The French way would be to drink the highest quality coffee you can afford, to sit and drink it slowly, savoring the aroma and flavor; dunking a baguette for breakfast in it; enjoying people watching from an outdoor cafe. This is not how we drink coffee in America.

My husband and I do drink high quality coffee. I do sit and enjoy it. At first. But I can drink coffee through the morning hours without eating any breakfast, the result of which is jangled nerves, an upset stomach, and not much relief from the brain fog. Dr. Hyman says, in fact, that caffeine ends up depleting one's energy. It also interferes with sleep. So what am I going to do?

Well, I've been cutting back, and my stomach does feel better. Not feeling well in my stomach is what finally convinced me that coffee is my enemy. My goal today is to drink tea instead, which has only a third of the caffeine as coffee. I like organic Earl Grey. But when the Earl Grey is gone, I'm going to switch to what I have left of my Yerba Mate, a tea with naturally occurring caffeine that doesn't jangle the nerves or upset the stomach and is chock full of nutrients. I'm also drinking Women's Energy tea from Yogi, which contains the hormone balancing herb, dong quai. 

In addition to cutting the caffeine I'm eating healthier. This morning I ate a good breakfast of eggs scrambled with non-GMO soy milk, and plain, organic whole milk yogurt with farmers market black berries. Food is a topic we will explore in depth as we go along. The idea is to be truly healthy and to feel good in body, mind, and spirit. It isn't to lose weight, though that will likely be a natural consequence. A sluggish mind, heartburn, nausea, dehydration, insomnia, and constipation aren't worth what might be benefited from the caffeine habit. It's time to let go of the denial. If you don't feel good, you aren't healthy. What small step can you take to feel better today?

The Vintage Catholic Housewife

I have just updated this Organic Mothering blog with a new image of the Madonna and Child, which features the Proverbs 31:18 verse, Her lamp shall not be put out in the night. I have also changed the subtitle to the vintage catholic housewife. In general, a new look is always refreshing. In particular, I have decided to pull together the various themes of this blog and focus in on the time period from the 1920s, up till about 1965.

While no era in history is perfect, there are certain distinguishing features of those decades which I think are desirable and applicable to contemporary life. Might I even say, profoundly inspirational. We can never go back to those bygone days, and in many respects we would not wish to. Yet history exists for us to learn from, does it not? That's what we always heard in school, and that's one area where the truth has been told.

I chose the 1920s as the starting point, because this decade is seen by historians as the beginning of our Modern America. While there is much that is appealing in prior eras, such as in Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie days, the 1920s and forward are accessible in a way that earlier times are not. I closed the timetable with 1965, because that was the last year of the Second Vatican Council, after which the Church was plunged into a confusion and disarray from which she has not fully recovered. It's also before certain radical components of feminism spun into full throttle.

But why on earth, you may be wondering, did I choose to use the word housewife? Well, it works better with the word vintage, for one. And it's kind of fun at this point in Post Modern America to use such an old-fashioned term. Homemaker is truly more lovely and accurate, but if I'm going to get into a certain mindset, I think it's advantageous to use the terms that conjure those retro images in the imagination.

I think that those traditional ways of living and worshiping from 1920s to early 1960s America were much inspired by French Catholics, so do not despair that I am taking leave of la joie de vivre. Far from it. I believe it will all come together most nicely. So welcome to my vintage Catholic housewife bubble!

Undoing Unschooling

I spent a considerable amount of time looking on the internet yesterday for information regarding how to detox from unschooling. I found next to nothing, no matter what key words I employed. Naturally there is a lot of information out there about how to "deschool" and "deprogram" from the effects of institutionalized education. Parents find that they have to deeply question their notions about what education means when they begin to homeschool, and if children have been pulled from the school system, they need time to decompress and to figure out what their interests are and what to do with their time. All of that makes sense.

But what if you need to undo the effects of unschooling? In many ways I have followed unschooling principles in my parenting, even before I actively researched this philosophy and purposefully worked it into our household. I was attracted to the promise of increased joy and creativity, a more relaxed and natural way of living. Ironically, this led me to an interest in the French concept of la joie de vivre, finding deeper meaning through living with more formality, elegance, and passion. Between the French lifestyle and becoming Catholic, I found myself longing for tradition, which is not something often advocated in the unschooling world.

So I am now onto ideas gleaned from French parenting. One hot button topic in unschooling is "food freedom". Children know when they are hungry and what their bodies need, so they should be allowed free choice concerning when and what to eat. French children, on the contrary, eat what is put before them. There is no snacking save at 4:00 p.m., similar to the English tea time. Families eat at table together, and there isn't a separate category of kid foods, like we have in America. Children aren't forced to eat everything on their plates, but they must try what has been prepared. Since French people don't graze all day, they are actually hungry at meal times. Including the children. And so they eat what is on their plates! Simple as that. Why is this so hard for us?

Just now, having not even eaten breakfast yet, my daughter began to open a piece of chocolate. The radical unschooling mother would have allowed this. But non. I did not. Eat a real breakfast, I said. Now she has an apple. Yesterday I made an omelette for lunch, which Beezy helped with by cracking the eggs and whisking them. She wanted just cheese in the omelette. I wanted broccoli, which she likes, so I added it, and also onions, which she doesn't like. I didn't mention that I was putting onion in. I used only a little and cut the pieces very small. She ate her entire portion and didn't even notice the onions! She was hungry because she had not been snacking.

This reminds me of a friend of Beezy's who has visited at our house. I was telling her dad that she had told me she didn't like vegetables, so I asked him for ideas about what foods she likes. He looked at his daughter and said, "You eat what's put in front of you. You know that." During dinner when she didn't want to eat her vegetables, I reminded her what her father had said, and she ate her meal without complaint. She wasn't the least bit upset by it, either.

Another story is a funny one from my own family growing up. My brother was a super finicky eater, and he had gotten alarmingly skinny. My mom took him to the doctor. The doctor set down a rule that my mom must follow. The kids were to eat whatever she cooked, and after dinner, the kitchen was closed. If you didn't eat your dinner, you didn't get to have something else later. After a couple of weeks, my brother was eating everything. This doctor was brilliant! It was his fault that the kitchen was closed, so my brother was mad at the doctor, not my mom. And my mom had the resolve to stick to the plan, because good mothers know what is best for their children, a truth that radical unschoolers would deny.

I have found myself feeding what amounts to an entire meal to my child at bedtime. This will not do. I think a small bedtime snack is fine, but it should not be a time to make up for not eating enough all day long. The bottom line is this: I am no longer going to make special food for children, neither my own nor anyone else's. They will at least try everything on their plates. I am going to cook with healthy ingredients that I enjoy, whether or not my child thinks she likes them. I am not a short order cook, and neither are you. Take charge of meal times! Sit down for dinner together as a family on most days of the week! Do not prepare special kid foods!! Do not allow snacking and grazing all day! But your family is too busy with extracurricular activities to sit down to dinner together, you say? Non, non, non, amie. Then you cut out those activities. Family time should be your priority, not wrestling, ballet, or gymnastics.

When my books come in that I mentioned in the last post, I will share the advice found therein and my own experiences, and together we can undo the unschooling/American lifestyle damage, if that is your wish.
Start today with baby steps. Start with developing good eating habits that will last a lifetime and provide precious, irreplaceable family memories.

French Actress Crush

On New Year's Eve my husband and I watched the movie, Now You See Me on DVD. The French actress Melanie Laurent, who I had never previously seen, plays an Interpol agent. She was blonde in this movie, but I found images of her also with light brown hair. I loved her quintessential French look. She did not appear to have been made over by Hollywood stylists, but rather looked as though she was wearing clothes right out of her own closet and had done her own hair and makeup. And of course it was le no makeup look! Her hair was usually in a casual bun at the nape of her neck, and she even wore the classic black and white striped shirt in one scene. Melanie is my new style crush. I'm in love!

Perhaps for 2014 you can choose a style muse. She doesn't have to be French, but she should be real. Someone who can inspire you while wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Melanie was subtly sexy, not overtly a bombshell. If you are a natural bombshell type, more power to you. Channel your inner Marilyn Monroe. But as you know, I'm going for that certain joie de vivre that manifests as an understated attention to detail, a quiet inner strength, an authentic passion for life framed by adherence to tradition. And come to think of it, Marilyn was nothing if not mysterious.

I am making no resolutions for 2014. I don't think that would be very French, do you? Aren't you already fabulous just the way you are?

Melanie Laurent

My Joie de Vivre Christmas and Birthday Gifts!

Since becoming Catholic, I have found the Christmas season to be so much more fun and meaningful than ever before. First of all, there are actually 12 days of Christmas (like the song goes!), but they do not lead up to Christmas, as most people think. December 25 is actually the first day of Christmas, which means that today is the 6th. We are only half way through!

At church Saturday evening, we sang several traditional Christmas hymns. Christmas the Catholic way is a more relaxing experience, beginning with the season of Advent, a month-long time of contemplation and preparation leading up to Christmas Eve. Yes, Christmas Day is the apex of the season, but everything doesn't ride on this one day. I am not feeling the "let down" typical of the days following Christmas Day. In fact, my birthday, which was yesterday, is on the 5th day of Christmas (five golden rings...), and well as being the Feast of the Holy Family! How's that for the supposedly bummer of a birthday that falls close to Christmas?

Anyway, I was positively showered with love, attention, and awesome gifts for both Christmas and my birthday. With a new year just around the corner, I have plenty of new wardrobe, personal care, and home products to add to my joie de vivre lifestyle. I promised pictures before but did not deliver. So I hereby make a New Year's resolution to give you visual images and a lot of great ideas to make our lives even more simple, joyful, and elegant, every single day.

Let me begin with one of my favorite presents, a new pair of pajamas from my sister. This was especially wonderful, because she didn't even know that pajamas were on my wish list, and my husband had no luck finding 100% cotton ones where we live. Here they are:

Gillian & O'Malley flannel toile pajamas, available at target.com

These PJs are superbly comfortable and warm without being too heavy. They are a classic style and would surely get Jennifer L. Scott's stamp of approval for "presentable pajamas" (see her blog, The Daily Connoisseur). You should have sleepwear that you can't wait to crawl into. I had these back on my body by 7:00 last night!

I hope you all are having a very merry Christmas. Have fun and stay safe for the New Year! Oh, and don't forget that the Solemnity of Mary, the Holy Mother of God is a Holy Day of Obligation, so Catholics make sure you get to Church! It just keeps getting better, doesn't it?

The Contemplative Mother

St. Anne and the Virgin Mary

 



I have at times half joked that if my husband ever died, I wouldn't remarry. I'd become a nun. The funny thing is, I wasn't Catholic at the time! I still don't think I would become a nun, because of the hours they keep (very early risers, prayers in the middle of the night) and the wardrobe. Of course I would do it if God called me to it, but he would have to call really, really loudly.

When most people think of contemplatives, they imagine a cloistered religious life. Having read Ordinary People as Monks and Mystics by Marsha Sinetar, I know that one can receive a similar calling without being a monk or a nun, or even a hermit. Married women raising children, such as myself, can have mystical experiences and be drawn to a sacred silence and solitude. If I am being called to a contemplative vocation within my marital vocation, a lot of things would make sense. Experiences like spiritual restlessness, dark nights of the soul, a desire to withdraw from the world, a highly developed empathic sense, and sensitivity to Beauty. I think that this blog came into being as a result of a deep need for contemplation combined with the calling to write.

For about nine years before I got married, I lived by myself in the same apartment. I spent hours journaling and writing poetry, and reading spiritual books. I always worked, and I kept thinking that I just had to find the right career in order to feel fulfilled, and for everything to fall into place. I knew that there was something that I was created to do. Unfortunately, it can take a long time to earn a living as a writer, if it ever happens. At the age of 30 I went back to school and became an esthetician. I finally had the lucrative career I wanted, making more money than I needed and using many creative skills. Then I got married at 33, had my baby at 35, and became a Mother. This has been my highest calling so far.

The urge to simplify life as a wife and mother, to live organically and authentically, and to find deeper meaning in everyday routines has underpinned our goal as a family to live life by our own lights. Every small choice contributes to a more abundant life: not having television; being vegetarian; eating locally grown and organic food, and growing some of our own; learning to bake bread and pizza dough; homeschooling; having only one (very small) car; buying much of our clothing from thrift stores; using safe, natural personal care products; recycling and composting, etc... What if all of these things are directly related to my being undeniably drawn toward contemplation? I always felt most like myself when I was reading those spiritual books, journaling, and creating religious ritual.

Today I once again unsubscribed to various websites, blogs, and advertisements. I simply can't keep up with reading everything in my inbox. I am even considering deactivating my FB account, or at least hiding it. I find myself spending too much time wrapped up in group conversations with people I don't personally know. While there are blessings to be found in belonging to an online group of people with shared lifestyles and interests, I want to concentrate more of my time on my own family and friends, and keeping in touch with people via the telephone (not texting, but actually talking) and letter writing. It is crazy to imagine that some day soon younger people will no longer be able to read and write in cursive, so it will be like a secret code!

My joie de vivre project certainly stemmed from this longing for the contemplative life, and I want to re-concentrate my efforts in that direction, being brutal in cutting out all nonessential elements in my daily round, not just in my wardrobe. For now I am contemplating of what the married contemplative life would consist for me and how I will order my days in light of that spiritual focus.

Boyfriend Jeans & Dark Days

We have had some gorgeous fall weather here in NW Ohio, and also some chilly, rainy days. I even heard talk of s**w for this week on Facebook, but my friend was posting from Michigan, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will stay north of us! Today it is growing darker and blusterier as I write this, in the middle of the afternoon. At my daughter's request, I turned on the gas log fireplace and can feel its warmth as I sit and type, with a Sacred Heart of Jesus jar candle lit on the coffee table. We also have an orange string of lights decorating the limestone mantle. It is these little touches that will get you through the dark days ahead.

I have fallen off the joie de vivre wagon lately. I share this because maybe you have too, and I want to tell you that it's okay! My laundry got behind, and I stopped eating breakfast again and wasn't eating enough for lunch. I don't even want to tell you about my snacking. Old habits die hard! However, I ate breakfast this morning and had a hearty bowl of chile for lunch. I am catching up on the laundry, which I did not allow to achieve the mountain status in my basement that it had reached before! And progress has still been made.

I was feeling like we were focusing too much on revolving our day around homeschooling academics, so one day last week I taught Beezy to bake French baguettes, which she had asked to learn the previous time that I made bread. And I found my perfect boyfriend jeans, Gap brand from Ebay. These were less than $20 including shipping! Still on my list for my essential wardrobe are 2 pairs of lounge pants and 2 cashmere sweaters. I have continued to work on perfecting my "le no makeup" look and most days have looked presentable and pulled together. I still have to go through hundreds of pictures on my camera to delete unwanted photos before my husband will transfer them to the computer.

Soon I will show you my fall outfits and bread baking pleasures. Sometimes it seems like procrastination rules the day, the house will never be perfectly in order, I lose sight of my priorities, and I feel just plain out of sorts. But you can start fresh at any moment of each day, or if the whole day seems to be a failure, there is always tomorrow. Just get out for a walk, even in the rain. Put on some lipstick and a great CD. Make a big pot of soup and get a fire going. You might be surprised to find that you are only a little off track, and just a few, slight adjustments will get things running smoothly again. Today, do one thing that you love and one thing that you don't want to do that needs to be done. Before you go to bed, write down 5 things for which you are grateful this day.

In fact, I'll start right now, and you can put yours in the comments!

1. My aunt who had a stroke Friday night survived and is starting therapy today.
2. My daughter is enjoying visiting a new friend at our house, so I can get things done!
3. I have a roof over my head and a gas log fireplace.
4. Many people are praying for my aunt and have asked how she is doing.
5. My husband provides an income for our family so I can homeschool!

Okay, now I am going to clean the bathroom sink, which I don't feel like doing, and then sometime this evening I will watch one of the many movies I have checked out from the library, such as one of my favorites for this time of year, "Practical Magic." Have a magical day!!

Cara Loren's Chic Mom Blog

http://www.caraloren.com/

Cara Loren

I just had to introduce you to Cara Loren's namesake blog today. I found her while searching for chic mom blogs. Sometimes I get really great ideas and inspiration from these. Usually Cara is wearing high heels, but happily today she is in Birkenstock sandals. This look, with a white tee shirt, cardigan sweater, and distressed boyfriend jeans is so easy to duplicate. Even wearing such a casual look, this mom is glamorous!

I have also been searching for the perfect pair of boyfriend jeans. I remember being in my early 20s when my younger sister came to visit me in Columbus. My boyfriend at the time really liked her look. She was actually wearing men's jeans, which sat on the hips rather than at the waist like women's jeans all did at that time (the '90s). There were no low cut pants for women then like there are now. Honestly, I was annoyed when he suggested that I wear this style! Well, now you don't have to borrow jeans from a guy to get the look, and I would call it a classic.

Cara often links to her friend Amber's blog ("barefoot blonde"), another gorgeous, young blonde. The style of these women reminds me of the vintage glam looks I used to wear in my younger days. While cleaning last evening, I came across photos from my time working as a model. Oh, the nostalgia! I got a little teary-eyed, being taken back to my single life. I think we women often lose a part of ourselves when we get married, have children, and grow older. But she's still there, that essential part of yourself who is ageless and beautifully unique. Get back in touch with her. That is what this joie de vivre exploration is all about!!

Contemplating a Protective Bubble

Father's homily today was a message I really needed to hear. Unfortunately, my ability to hear was hindered by unhappy young children behind me. But fortunately, Father is plugged in, and his normal speaking voice is very strong. It occurs to me just now that my experience at Mass this morning is a metaphor for being distracted from my spiritual path. There is dissonance all around us, and sometimes it is a strain to hear God's voice. We have to focus very hard, or we might miss something crucial.

In the Gospel reading today we find Jesus' enigmatic insistence that Christians must be willing to hate their families and relinquish worldly possessions to follow him. Is the word "hate" what he really meant, or is this a case of inadequate translation from Greek into English? Father's interpretation, as well as I could hear, was that we are not necessarily being called to give up everything we own or to forsake all of our relatives, but that we may be required to give up some of our possessions, or certain people in our lives.

Being a disciple of Jesus comes first, before anything or anyone else. That is the crux of the message. The question is, what are we willing to do, or to do without, in order to follow him? In a book I am reading by an American woman who has been living in Paris with her French husband for 30 years, the author says that the French have the ability to experience joie de vivre even in suffering. They live life fully and passionately, not shying away from controversy, pain, or uncomfortable events or feelings. I imagine that this has something to do with the fact that France is a traditionally Catholic country.

On my own journey to the Church, I learned that suffering is not an experience to be avoided. We don't go out and look for trouble, but if trouble comes into our lives, we are provided a way to work through it. We can offer our suffering up for a blessing on another who is in need, and we can unite our own suffering to Jesus' on the cross. My suffering can help someone else, and if I allow it to, it can purify me. But I must also welcome God's healing graces into my life and not wallow in grief. Jesus didn't stay on the cross forever, and neither should we.

All Christians are called to die to ourselves, but we aren't all called to be literal martyrs. I would also argue that figurative martyrdom isn't always necessary. In fact, if my ability to do the work God has called me, and only me, to do, is hindered by a person, an object, an institution, or an activity, then that "offending arm" needs to be cut off. Saying no to the invitation to walk on hot coals can be more difficult than walking barefoot across the fire. The devil does tempt us, every day. If we take our eyes off the ball even for a moment, the whole game could be lost.

It is my duty as a Christian parent to do everything in my power to get my child to heaven. The Church teaches that the education of a child is primarily the responsibility of his parents. Not his school teacher, Sunday school teacher, or religious education teacher, but his mother and father. Furthermore, a curriculum that is not permeated with the faith is not considered to be a valid education. At one point in history, public schooling did not separate children from their families for such long periods of time or conflict so acutely with Christian values as it does today. As it now stands, my husband pointed out, sending children to school is destabilizing to family life. Homeschooling is one remedy for these social and spiritual ills.

Being a homeschooling parent is a divine calling. It is something I am willing to defend with bared fangs if necessary. But mostly I wish to evangelize through my own example, with information for anyone who is genuinely interested in learning more about it, and by spreading positive messages to the community about this overwhelmingly successful educational option. In every area, I want to evangelize with passion and respect, not worrying over what anyone else thinks or says. Sometimes I fail to give myself permission to live in a Catholic bubble when that is what is necessary to keep my eyes on the prize.

Our children may not always understand when we have to say "no" in order to protect them. We have to teach them good and appropriate values, attitudes, and conduct. Each Christian parent is on his or her own leg of the journey. In order to protect our children, we may need to be vigilant in protecting ourselves from debilitating outside influences. One mom is tough as nails and criticism slides off her like water off a duck's back. Another is very sensitive, whether it be to words, images, negative energy, or loud noises. We have to know ourselves well, be very familiar with our strengths and weaknesses. One dad can invite a bear into his home, feed him honey, and send him on his way. Another will wrestle the bear and lose, or walk away alive but severely injured. Also, where we're at on the path changes over time. As I grow spiritually, I am hopeful that I will be able to detach with more finesse. Right now, however, it seems that I need to learn to pull that Catholic bubble around me and not allow anyone to pop it. Life is too short, and it's too exhausting to fight when it isn't absolutely necessary. As the saying goes, choose your battles wisely.

Prayer to Our Lady of Victory

O sweet and gentle Lady, Immaculate Mother of God, we beg you to be our Mother now and all the days of our life. Shield us Mother Mary with your holy mantle that nothing of the enemy could harm or molest us. Ask your Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, to spare us from any calamities that will cause our life misery. Pray for us that we may lead a life pleasing to Him, and when our end comes present us to Him, and may we live in His kingdom forever and ever, Amen. Our Lady of Victory, please pray for us.

Cultivating Your Signature Style

What made it possible for me to do my big wardrobe cleanse was first catching up on the laundry. Some things got packed away in the attic to wear for another season. Tons of items were given to charity.  A few were tucked away, but not too far, for being just a tad too small.

Only keep those pieces that you really like and feel great wearing, and that fit your lifestyle and body right now. This point bears repeating, because if you haven't whittled your wardrobe down to the clothes that you really need and actually do wear, you will have a difficult time discerning your personal style in order to shop wisely for additional items. If you have an item that you like but never wear, consider whether that is because you have nothing to wear with it, in which case you must remedy that situation, or because it really isn't "you".

What if, after you have purged your closet and dresser drawers, you find that you still literally have nothing to wear? You were probably keeping many things that didn't flatter your figure and that you didn't enjoy wearing, because you had nothing better. Now you fear that you will have to go naked. Non, ami. Keep a few presentable pieces, maybe 10 items and a few extras to get you by. Now here are some suggestions that will hopefully help:

1. Simple Abundance: This book, by Sarah Ban Breathnach, takes you through a whole year of unearthing your authentic self, in a series of daily meditations. I recommend this book to every woman. Go to the section where she talks about discovering your authentic, personal fashion style. You will find a goldmine of inspiration in this classic.

2. The Illustrated Discovery Journal: This is one of the tools Sarah Ban Breathnach suggests in Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. First purchase an artist's sketchbook. Find a pair of scissors and some glue. Turn on soothing music and brew a cup of tea or your favorite drink. Make sure you won't be interrupted. Gather some magazines together that you have lying around, or ask a friend for those that she no longer wants. If you don't have any to use, buy a few current issues. I highly recommend People magazine's monthly Style Watch issue. This features real world, wearable trends in a broad range of prices. Slowly flip through the magazines in a meditative way, cutting out pictures that grab your attention as you go. Any image that stirs your imagination and makes you feel happy looking at it. When you have finished, arrange the images in your sketchbook. You might also clip out words or parts of articles, anything you see that speaks to you in a meaningful way. Set your finished work aside and look at it again later. Do you see a recurring theme? Do the hairstyles, makeup, and fashion you were drawn to resemble your current style?

3. Make a List: Being as specific as you can, make a list of your dream wardrobe. Note the color, fabric, shape, and details of the items you want, ie. boot cut blue jeans in a dark wash; low heeled leopard print dress pumps; a black leather motorcycle jacket; a long sleeved cashmere pullover sweater in pink, etc...

4. Window Shop: Make a trip to a department store and note which designers or labels strike your fancy. When I was shopping for my honeymoon, I discovered that I really liked INC (International Concepts). Once you have found those boutiques or department store lines that reflect your fashion sense and lifestyle, make those your go-to sources when you need something new. Another idea is to shop vintage boutiques, consignment shops, thrift stores, Etsy and Ebay to try to find those brands or similar styles. Take your time, check your budget, and when you are ready...

5. Plan Your Shopping Excursion: Perhaps take a friend along who understands the essential wardrobe concept to help you decide whether something looks good on you or not. Make sure you have eaten and are not tired. Bring snacks and a bottle of water with you, or plan a nice lunch into your day. Have your essential wardrobe list handy, and look for only those items. If you happen upon something not on your list that you just can't live without, and it will mix and match into your wardrobe, buy it. But keep your focus on those pieces that will build the foundation of your streamlined style.

6. Wear Only Your Best: Avoid keeping clothing that is past its prime. If it has holes in it, fits poorly, is ugly, is faded, or has lost its shape, don't wear it. Never tell yourself, I am only going to the grocery store, the playground, or whatever. Inevitably you will run into someone you know, and you will regret looking sloppy. Respect yourself and others with the quality of your appearance. I don't mean that you should wear a ball gown to buy deodorant, simply that one should look pulled together always.

Soon you will be on your way to a closet that makes you smile when you open it, and getting dressed each day will be a joy, something that motivates you to begin your day on the right foot. I promise, this will change your life!

Replacing Toxicity with Privacy and Manners

In France it is necessary, at the very least, to greet people with a polite, "Bonjour."  Bonjour Madame or Bonjour Monsieur is preferable. When I went to Paris with my parents on the State Farm trip my dad had won with his awesomeness, the company coached us on some basic French words and phrases. We should not expect the French to respond well to our presumption that they should speak in English. It was crucial that we show respect by attempting to speak their language, even if poorly. A simple bonjour would go a long way. And you know what? I did not experience the supposed rudeness of the French on our trip. In fact, in one store I visited on the Champs Elysses, I was greeted with, "Oh, I like you!" Yes, it was a man.

I know many people in the U.S. who have lovely manners. They say, "Good morning," and enquire about my well being. They say please and thank you. They write real letters and wrap presents with care. When they come to stay at my home, they bring me a hostess gift. Then there is everyone else. There is a gross absence of manners and decorum in modern society, most especially in regard to internet and cell phone communication. Case in point. I recently posted a link to favorable homeschooling statistics on my Facebook wall. As anyone who homeschools knows, we need all the encouragement we can get, and it is imperative to celebrate our freedom, our successes, the joie de vivre of this lifestyle.

A cousin wrote a very lengthy response which was in no way rude or disrespectful, yet it opened the door to disagreement. This is not necessarily a bad thing. But there was no indication in her post that she personally knew me, that we were actually related. No warmth, not even a simple greeting to indicate that we were both persons. While I was cordial, my response was likewise impersonal, taking my cue from her. I missed an opportunity to role model good manners. Internet conversations can easily get messy because they intrinsically lack tone. One must be very careful to remember that the person on the other end is breathing. My cousin's father joined the conversation, making it clear that he did indeed know me, but with no trace of evidence that I am a person for whom he cares. Facebook has ruined our relationship. But does it have to be that way? Might a simple return to manners solve much of the problem?

Seeing that, as usual, a civil, respectful conversation was not to be had, I chose to set a boundary and clearly state that the conversation would not continue on my personal space. That boundary was not respected. I felt that my serenity was at stake, but also that I was at risk for sinking to a lower level than befits the person of class and grace that I aspire to be. If your heart is pounding in your chest and your stomach is churning when you are in the presence of a person or during whatever type of communication, and this is a recurring incidence, it is time to clean house. This is toxic. It is clutter. It is so not la joie de vivre.

Being polite and having manners does not mean being a doormat! It does not mean shying away from expressing yourself. Do you have a deep-seated need to be liked by everyone, to have everyone's constant approval? It will not happen, no matter what. Let go of trying to fix things over which you have no control. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. You can count on people to be exactly who they are.

You have a right to privacy. You have the right to decline an invitation to ride the crazy-making merry-go-round. Just say no as kindly as you can. Non, merci. There is no room in my life for frenemies. The time wasted on that long winded FB conversation can never be retrieved. It ruined my digestion of an excellent dinner. The next time you feel yourself drawn into drama, ask yourself what you could be doing instead. Perhaps savoring a piece of dark chocolate, dancing with your child, making love, baking bread, making art. Praying, singing, writing a letter to your best friend. Let us endeavor to always be exquisite in our manners and to never, ever be gauche. Only hang clean laundry on the line, and don't let anyone with messy hands into your yard. We can love people without allowing them to leave buffalo chips on our property. After all, you are a woman, or a man, of repose.

Easing into Homeschooling

It is a 90 degree day, and the children in our district went back to school today. I remember wanting to wear new clothes on my first day of high school (1983), so I dressed in a fall outfit comprised of a wool argyle sweater and corduroy pants, with penny loafers, of course! I was sweltering hot all day. Very uncomfortable. I think kids in the present era might be allowed to wear shorts to school. I hope they did today!

I was going to wait until after Labor Day to start our homeschooling, but since the streets were quiet and devoid of the neighborhood children Beezy usually plays with, it made sense to go ahead and ease back into our lessons. And this way we can be finished by early May. After my whole foray into researching unschooling and practicing natural learning over the summer, am I going to do anything different this year? Yes and no.

I kept a notebook all summer of our activities, and certainly there was much learning that happened naturally by simply living life and doing the things we enjoy doing. Beezy attended three vacation bible schools, went to the pool often, and played with many friends, including having lots of sleepovers. We had two family reunions and visited my husband's dad in upstate New York. We watched movies and played video games. Beezy participated in parks and recreation activities such as gardening, cooking, crafts, and a week of a special program at our library. She continued with the dog obedience classes begun in the spring and is still working on her 4-H program book for her dog project. Beezy and her dad played a lot of board games together, and math skills were reinforced this way.

While she did read some books over the summer, I didn't think that enough reading progress was happening through "unschooling". We go to Mass every week, but I feel that more is required to really learn about our Catholic faith. Weekly religious education classes at our church will begin next week. As Catholic homeschoolers, religion must be the center and foundation of our studies and our life. Also, math is one of Beezy's strengths, so that subject needs more formal attention to maximize her skills. I will continue to keep a record of all of our activities in my small, leather bound book.

What we did today was very simple. I have all of the books we will be using for the year already collected, except for whatever we may check out from the library. This way I can relax, knowing that we don't have to get every resource out and start using it now. We have the whole year ahead to explore...

Formal lessons will be worked into the day, not as a set schedule, but in the context of a natural and relaxed rhythm. With my recent exploration of the French way of life, la joie de vivre, it seems most logical to structure our days around meals! This probably seems obvious to some, but my family had habitually become grazers. I would often have only coffee for breakfast, and then a very small lunch, snack throughout the day, and then make a nice dinner, later snacking some more. But even sitting down together for at least one meal a day was not consistently happening. Now we are eating a real breakfast, a substantial lunch, and a lovely dinner. I am not snacking, but dessert is allowed, and usually I have one or two squares of Ghiradelli chocolate a day. I am paying more attention to eating slowly and really tasting and savoring what I put into my mouth.

We did a little homeschooling after breakfast. While I prepared lunch, Beezy played "girl games" on the laptop, which I am assisting her in learning to use. She also played outside. After lunch we did more lessons, then walked the dog together as a family. Beezy and I ran an errand, and then we played together with Monster High dolls. After that her dad read to her.

We began and ended our homeschooling with prayers from the Catholic Treasury of Prayers. I read the 20th chapter of John to her, and we prayed the first Sorrowful Mystery of the Rosary, the Resurrection, using a book of Our Lady's Rosary Novenas. Beezy worked on her dog project book, which uses writing skills, and read the first story in the Ginn classic reader, We Are Neighbors. I began reading the historical novel, St. Elizabeth's Three Crowns, to her, which I will sometimes have her narrate. That was it for today, just a gentle beginning to get back into the swing of things. Oh, and the soccer season began last evening, which covers physical education!

The difference in approach this year is mostly one of attitude rather than methodology. The focus is particularly Catholic, and I am not going to allow myself to feel pressured to achieve specific academic goals. There are no check lists or a scope and sequence curriculum to follow. We will live and learn at our own pace, with no separation between "school" and "home". Learning happens through the rituals of family life, and my goal is to make that life one of beauty, elegance, and refinement, celebrating tradition and experiencing joy in the smallest details. God alone, with a little help from the French and the Blessed Mother, is my guide.

The Cost of Quality

The Essential Wardrobe, having one's clothing streamlined to a small number of key pieces, of good quality, which you can mix and match and comprised only of those items you love to wear, can be had even on a budget. But what if you can only afford clothing at stores like Wal-Mart and K-Mart? Wouldn't you have to sacrifice quality?

Let's begin with the old adage, you get what you pay for. In a sense, this is true. Often cheap products are cheaply made. Buttons fall off, the toy breaks the first time your child plays with it, the sweater quickly pills. Once when I was working as an esthetician at a day spa, I went to put gas in my car on my lunch break. Somehow I spilled gas on my pants and shoes! I could not work in that luxurious environment smelling that way. We had to wear black pants, and I had a limited amount of time, so I ran to K-Mart and bought a pair of pants for $3 on clearance. Everything about these slacks was awful--the look, the fit, the fabric; they were hideous! I never wore them again after that day. Yes, sometimes you get what you pay for.

Then again... Yesterday I paid $3 at Goodwill for a pair of Italian patent leather dress pumps. Real leather, not faux. I also paid $4 for a super cute pair of Jones corduroys in a gorgeous garnet red. They are ankle length and wide at the bottom and will look wonderful with either flats or boots. A Ralph Lauren, short-sleeved polo sweater was a similar price in a pretty coral. Quality designer clothing at K-Mart clearance prices.

In Columbus I would find amazing vintage, ethnic, and high quality clothing at garage sales in wealthier, hip areas of the city such as Victorian Village and German Village. My friend Dawn had a yard sale to get rid of clothes from her former life in New York City, which no longer fit her. I got a whole chic wardrobe for $5. I have an A-line coat that is very Audrey Hepburn, in the perfect mushroom color, that I got at Old Navy and have worn for years. It is made of cotton, is lined, and works well for spring or fall. The buttons have never fallen off, and it has held up very well. The style is classic and versatile.

Conversely, you may pay top dollar for low quality, name brand clothing. You never know. You must look closely. How does it fit? Is the cut flattering? Is the material flimsy? Are the buttons already coming loose when the item in brand new? And my #1 pet peeve--is it cut crookedly? This is such a common problem, poorly cut clothing with seams that are not straight, even with designer labels. Lay the piece flat and make sure the pant legs don't twist and the shirt hangs straight.

I went to the boutique I mentioned that carries Free People clothing yesterday. Even the sale prices were way too high. The styles were nothing special, and yet a white t-shirt was something like $80. As I looked at price tags, I wondered if the shop's owner, or the creator of this clothing, thought that the public is either extremely gullible or bordering on insanity. Black leggings with fake leather (polyurethane) trim for $100? I am better than that, and so are you.

Maybe you have never thought about it this way, but all clothing is designer clothing. It's true. Someone designs everything, even for Wal-Mart. Also, all clothing is brand name. Sonoma is a Kohl's brand. Jaclyn Smith is a K-Mart brand. Moth is an Anthropologie brand. Mossimo is at Target. You get the idea. Famous designer brands may or may not be higher quality than the lower end stores offer. Yes, you get what you pay for if you are not careful. But no, you don't have to pay outrageous prices to obtain a quality essential wardrobe. The key is to find your signature style, and to stick with it, being scrupulously discriminating. What is your personal style, and what are the brands that carry it? That is a topic for another joie de vivre day...

Joie de Vivre & Homeschooling

I discovered for myself that in France presentation is not incidental, but capital. The kings may be long gone, but customs that started in the court, and the respect for rules and protocol, are still present in France today. French flair, style, and panache imply some kind of freedom. But form is ever present, and style and panache are played out within its boundaries. Form is not some abstract concept; it governs daily life...      

--Harriet Welty Rochefort, from Joie de Vivre


There you have it. I highlighted certain words in Harriet's passage, because they spoke to me of why particular aspects of unschooling philosophy and practice struck me like fingernails on a chalk board. Of course my voyage into the world of unschooling would have to intersect at some point with my new pursuit of joie de vivre. Now I know why, aside from religious considerations, the radical unschooling idea of "freedom without limits" sounded so wrong. My French sensibilities balked at the very idea! My maternal great-grandmother was a Valley (Vallee in French), half French, and my mother adored her. My grandmother and my mother surely inherited something of the French way from this woman whose father was French-American, both in their blood and in their life experience. No wonder the idea of formlessless, of the absence of boundaries, seems so, well, vulgar, to me!

Once again the value of discipline is brought to form, and the true freedom to be found within certain, defined parameters. To the French, this is what it means to be human. Tradition and custom are tres important. They are not trifles that impede self-expression and joy; rather, they are the very fabric from which the tapestry of joie de vivre is woven! They are natural to society. Therein lies my distinction between unschooling and natural learning. Neither should the fact that France is a Catholic nation be overlooked. I will take formal elegance and the value of beauty wrought from tradition over an inconsistent free-for-all any day. Give me fresh cut flowers on my dining room table. Let me eat my breakfast on fine china. And God give me the grace to teach my child how to live and learn well. Let joie de vivre be her inheritance.

Follow la Joie de Vivre--Sign Up Today!

I think I will be writing on this topic of the singular, French enjoyment of living for a long time to come. Joie de vivre encompasses everything--how and what we eat, and what dishes we use to eat upon; the size of our wardrobe and what's in it; the little details that make life simple but rich, as in, full of deep meaning; the way we live and communicate with others; even how we worship God. I want to savor this journey, slowly taking in each morsel. I am not just writing about it; I am living it. I want to share my discoveries and experiences with you.

But I don't want to be on the computer all day writing and editing, and I don't want you to be on here reading terribly long articles! I also don't want to spend a lot of time posting every article to all the various groups to which I belong. So please take the time now to sign up as a follower and submit your email address for notification of new posts from my blog. If you have not been following the series so far, it begins with the article "Joie de Vivre". If you enjoy what I write, please share my blog with friends. I'd love to form a community dedicated to this way of life. Also, please make your comments directly on the blog so everyone can read them, rather than only those in certain groups on Facebook. I have readers from all over the world! What do those of you who are French think about all of this?

I received my two pairs of Kohl's shoes from online today. Both pairs of ballet flats are tres adorable! But comfort is also very important to me, and good quality. The black, faux patent leather flats are from Hush Puppies, and they feel supportive. The purple, faux velvet ones from Elle don't offer any support. Will my feet hurt from wearing them? They are obviously of a lower quality than the Hush Puppies. Decisions like these are small but important, when you want to have and wear only the best! That leads to the topic of my next post, which will explore the cost of high quality. Until then, take a walk in the sunshine, and don't forget to sign up to follow Organic Mothering! Together we will discover la petite pleasures of life...

La Petite French Way

The French live on a grand scale, but they do it in small morsels. I am scaling my email inbox back, unsubscribing to most blogs and shopping invitations. I also need to turn off Facebook notifications! Rarely does it seem that an actual person I know is sending me a message. Who wants to waste time sorting and deleting, wading through a pile of virtual mail? In this area too we must be discriminating. By that token, I'm going to endeavor to keep my posts relatively short! I want to give myself and you a little bit of inspiration at a time.

If you are Catholic, you are most likely familiar with St. Therese of Lisieux, aka the Little Flower, famous for her "little way" of serving God. Let's follow this beloved saint in all things joie de vivre! So to catch you up, I decided to keep the Free People jersey tunic dress I got from Ebay after all. I was being a tad judgmental about my body at a certain bloated time of month, and I had not even taken a shower when I tried it on originally. Last night I wore it to Mass for the Feast of the Assumption, and I felt tres chic! It is grey, and I wore darker grey Anthropologie leggings under it. My jewelry was vintage dropped pearl earrings and my pearl Rosary bracelet. I wore red clogs and carried a red handbag. Neutrals with a touch of color--so French!

Today I went to Goodwill and found a very nice pair of Nicole dress heels. From the internet search I did on this brand, they would be at least $70 new. I paid $3. Uh huh. She shoots, she scores! So there you go--give it away and it will come back to you. I can't wait to see what's next!!

How Many Essential Wardrobe Items Do You Need?

Today I received my Ebay order--and was disappointed. It really does usually work out well ordering clothing online! One of the blouses didn't fit well, and the other had a small hole. The jersey dress was okay but did not make me look and feel fabulous. It was fine, but I asked myself, "Will I feel great wearing this?" I could see bulges in my middle that were not flattering. Yes, I want to lose some weight, but we must dress for the bodies we have right now! Not the bodies we hope to have. So the whole order is going back to the seller.

This is a good lesson, though. Maybe since I am focusing on buying only items that I love from now on, I really need to shop in person most of the time. Mailing stuff back is a pain in the butt. The thing is, where I live I am an hour away from a shopping mall. But there is a boutique which sells Free People clothing less than a half hour away, and outlet stores a few minutes from that. There is a small department store in the next town, and there are thrift stores and consignment shops in the area. I think shopping in person has just seemed overwhelming since moving from the city. Now that I am focused, however, now that I am being very discriminating and have clear goals--indeed, a mission--I can take my time and not feel stressed about the process.

The weather has actually been cooling where I live lately, in the low 70s with low humidity, and cooler in the evenings. I have worn my Clarks booties a couple of times and have thrown on a cardigan and my jean jacket on occasion. I think I should venture into the attic and see what I have stored away for winter. I keep picturing my black dress pants in my mind and an orange blazer I got as an investment piece last year. I should go through all of those clothes too and pare them down to the essentials. Then I can really make my wish list and begin to seriously shop for those very few pieces I really need.

So exactly how many items does one need for the essential wardrobe? Again, this means that you only keep those items that you feel great wearing and that you actually do wear. Only those pieces which fit you well right now. If you are 5 pounds away from being able to wear a fabulous pair of pants, keep them but tuck them away. If you have things in your closet that are two sizes too small, however, find them a new home, or pack them far away in the attic or basement. Not every item needs to go with everything else, but you should be able to mix and match your pants, skirts, tops, dresses, shoes, sweaters, etc... In this way you will keep from getting bored with a pared down wardrobe. Getting dressed has been so much easier and fun since I began the joie de vivre adventure! You need high quality clothing, the best you can afford, and at the best price you can get it.

I don't think there is any magical number, but perhaps the essential wardrobe for fall would break down something like this, depending upon your lifestyle, work situation, and preferences:

4 blouses
4 t-shirts
2 pairs of jeans
1 pair of khaki pants
2 pairs of dress pants
2 blazers
2 cardigans
2 pull over sweaters
2 skirts
2 dresses
2 camisoles or turtle necks
(lingerie, pajamas, and exercise clothes are separate)

Twenty-five essential pieces seems reasonable! If that hits you as really sparse, think about all of the times you have seen magazines showcase five or so key items for the season and all of the different ways they can be combined. And consider that you will also have essential extras and accessories such as tights, leggings, socks, scarves, shawls, ponchos, shells, vests, jewelry, hats, belts and hand bags that will facilitate making the same clothes look totally different! What one person considers an essential may be an extra to someone else. The exact number in your essential wardrobe is not so important as streamlining your choices to show your style to your best advantage and to work your clothing easily into your life. Be honest--would you rather have one perfect cashmere sweater in your favorite color that makes you feel divine, or five nondescript, cheap acrylic sweaters that make you feel sweaty? Don't forget the all-important shoes as well. Your essential shoe wardrobe might include:

1 pair of loafers
1 pair of ballet flats
2 pairs of boots
1 pair of dress shoes
1 pair of workout shoes
1 pair of sandals (for Indian summer days...)

Could you get by with only 7 pairs of shoes (this is just for fall/winter--you would have 7 more for spring/summer)? It's a lucky number, after all. I think that if every piece in your essential wardrobe was good quality and you adored wearing it, it is more than doable. It would be sooo freeing! There is also the "investment piece" category, such as an expensive formal dress or luxurious silk blouse that you plan to have for years to come. There must be a balance, so that you have enough that you are not constantly fighting to keep up with your laundry, but not so much that you can't even see what is in your closet and drawers. French women can keep their clothes in good condition longer, because they launder them less. Rather than throwing everything in the dirty clothes after wearing it once, they air out their clothes so they can wear them again.

Perhaps you will want to make your own list and evaluate what type of clothing you need for all of your activities. Do you like to wear dresses, or do prefer to usually live in blue jeans? What items could be worn for both work and weekends? Maybe you need two sets of essentials, one for your job and the other for your home life. I have way more of some of the items than I listed above. But soon I will be putting the summer-specific clothes away. Maybe nothing will replace them, or maybe I will decide that my fall wardrobe still has some holes that need to be filled.

I imagine that the longer I practice this way of dressing, the easier it will be to continue to pare down and to ultimately establish my ideal essential wardrobe. When the temperature really drops, I will pull in my warmer winter clothes and evaluate again what I might need to purchase, and then come spring it will be time to do it all again. It is an ongoing process, as our lives, tastes, interests, and bodies change, as we grow as women and get closer to being the person whom God intends us to be. I believe it is a journey worth pursuing.

Happy purging, and joyous shopping to you!
Love,
dancingmommio

Essential Wardrobe Building

Let's continue the conversation of the essential wardrobe and how it relates to the French concept of joie de vivre. After all, the French are known for the art of conversation! Building one's essential wardrobe first means tearing down what currently exists, as we have discussed. Today I went back into my closet and removed some belts that were too small, a nightgown (I can't stand long nightgowns!) that I didn't even know I still had, some scarves, and other items. These too will go to the thrift store I previously mentioned, which is only open on Wednesdays and Fridays. This means that my three large bags have been sitting in my kitchen since Sunday, when I did the big cleanse. I think this is a good thing. If there was something I really wanted to keep after all, it would not be too late.

For example, yesterday I ordered three pairs of shoes from Kohl's. The dress shoes, pretty nude pumps, were cancelled. I am disappointed. Now what will I do if I need a dress shoe? I have the option of pulling my black high heels back out of the bag. Yet realistically, I wouldn't want to wear them. They make my once-broken knee hurt, and they kill my toes. With the back problems I've been having, wearing high heels would be stupid. The two pairs of ballet flats I ordered, one black, faux patent leather, and the other a purple faux velvet with tassels and silver metal embellishments, will arrive soon. Either of these could be worn with a dressier outfit. Yes, I want a pair of pumps now, because I want my essential wardrobe to be complete. But here is the next lesson: learn to wait.

If I buy something just to have it, but am not excited about it, I won't love to wear the shoes. Therefore, I won't wear them, and I will have wasted money. Instead, I must wait for the right shoes to come along. A local department store is clearing out their summer shoes right now, so they should have some new ones for fall soon. Or maybe if we go shopping for some new clothes and shoes for Beezy, I can look at the designer shoe outlet store about a half hour away. Perhaps when I drive to Ft. Wayne for my annual bra shopping at Macy's, I'll also look at shoes. Imagining how happy I will be when I find just the right pair will hopefully help me to be patient! Last year my parents gave me Amazon gift cards for Christmas, and I used them to finally purchase a pair of Clarks booties that I had really been wanting and needing. Once I had them, so many outfits were complete! It was worth the wait, and now I am excited to wear them again this fall.

That reminds me of a friend of mine named Cheryl from high school who I lived with for a year in college. Cheryl had a really unique pair of brown leather shoes that she wore all the time. And I do mean, all the time. Cheryl loved those shoes. When they wore out, she got them re-soled. Who knows how many years she got out of her perfect footwear. I bet she cried when she finally had to say good-bye. Ideally, that's how every item in your essential wardrobe should be. Don't buy good enough. Buy just right.

I think that the notion of buying the best quality clothing that you can afford doesn't go far enough. I would add to buy the best you can afford at the lowest price you can find it! It almost makes me feel richer to do this. It's like a frugal sort of snobbishness. I could pay $100 for a cashmere sweater, for example, but I don't wish to. Maybe I don't want to spend more than $45. Why should I have to spend more than I want to for anything? Think of yourself as so tres chic that they really should give you their clothing for free, it would be such an honor to them for you to deign wearing it. Try this trick. Write down the items that you desire on a list, being as specific as you can. I did this when I was a poor, single school teacher and had an unexpected opportunity to go to NYC for the first time. What would I wear?! I took my list into a Cancer Society thrift store and found everything on it, or nearly so. I was thrilled with my travel wardrobe for the Big Apple! I find that when I put the request out there to the cosmos, if you will, in a very intentional way, I get what I need at just the right price.

The most put together woman I know is my own mother. She always looks nice. No matter what. Even back in the days when she had small children--I'm the oldest of six--and stayed home with us, she always took the time to put on makeup and hot roller her hair. In fact, I had to go home from high school early one day, because my dad was out of town, and my mom's water had broken. She was about to have a baby, and I needed to be there when my other siblings got home from school. I ran upstairs in a panic to find her, and there she was in front of the bathroom mirror, calming apply eye shadow. I was shocked. "Well, I want to look nice when I go to the hospital," she said. My mom is sooo French! I went to the hospital to give birth in my pajamas! No makeup. Maybe I brushed my teeth.

My mom wears designer clothes, but I don't think she would ever pay full price for them. I think this is where I get my stubbornness from. The thrill of the hunt--consignment shops, thrift stores, vintage boutiques, clearance racks, and for me, Ebay--is part of the fun. You don't have to be rich to look rich. One key is to know what brands you really like. My favorite store is Anthropologie, and when I lived in Columbus, I could shop there in person. I couldn't afford the clothes at full price, but they had spectacular clearance sales, and I was picky. I only ever paid full price once. Now I get my Anthropologie on Ebay. I also like Ann Taylor Loft and Free People. Sometimes I find something great in a surprising place, like the floral rayon maxi dress I got at Target for about $7.00! Actually, I think my husband found it for me. He has really good taste and knows what looks good on me. That's another tip--find a free personal shopper!

I hate going to Kohl's stores. They depress me. Maybe it's the lighting; I don't know. But their online website is so easy to use, which I found out when I was really desperate for some new clothes, and I have been happy with my purchases. A Simply Vera pair of ballet flats I got from there hurt my feet, though, so I didn't wear them much and am now giving them away. I could have sent them back or taken them to the store to return, so that's my own fault. When ordering from Ebay, very often the sellers will list specific measurements for the items, so I have rarely received something that didn't fit. One pair of pants was too big, which I had my grandma alter. That's another good tip--find a tailor! A too-small shirt became a Christmas present for a friend. Know what styles and shapes look good on you, and usually you can tell what will work when shopping online. Of course, knowing what looks good on you comes with time. Trial and error is part of the game.

Well, I hope that gives you some more food for thought! Now, get back in your closet, be merciless, and make your wish list! Oh, I got my brown and black belts today on sale at Peebles. I think I will add a cashmere sweater, once I decide on what color I want, to my wish list. I also need comfortable tights that don't leave unsightly bulges around my middle. Once I have those things and my dress pumps, I think I will be done shopping for fall. Done! And isn't that joie de vivre?

The Wardrobe Cleanse

I had to sit and take a break! I think I overly inspired myself with "The Essential Wardrobe" article, on the tenets of French style. I just filled three tall garbage bags full of my clothes and shoes to donate to charity! I threw in some hats, scarves, and a purse to top off the last bag. I will still have to sort through coats, jackets, hats, gloves, mittens and scarves on another day. Incidentally, I pulled all kinds of weirdness out of that purse (gum balls, a white medicine tablet of some sort, diaper ointment, bee pollen, and a broken candy cane, among others things).

My husband was not surprised at all by these items, but he said, "You're giving that away? That's a really nice purse." I said, "Yes, but I don't need it, and someone else will just love it! It's going to be like Christmas for somebody, especially the woman who wears a size 9 shoe." He thought maybe we should have a yard sale. No! Not only do I want this stuff out of my house ASAP, but I explained that you have to give your abundance away for it to come back to you. I went on to tell him about our priest's homily on Saturday, which began with a poem about how when you give of yourself, tenfold comes back to you. "I don't even need tenfold!" I proclaimed. "Threefold would be plenty." Well, the man was silent. He doesn't often go to Mass.

We have stairs, so it was a lot of running down with the heavy bags. I also hauled shoes upstairs to my closet. The whole family's shoes have been thrown into a rustic trunk in the kitchen to try to keep them off the floor. Not only do they still get sprawled all over the floor, but nice shoes get squished, and it's a pain to try to find a pair in the box. It seemed like a good idea. It isn't. Most of the shoes I gave away no longer fit, since I gained half a size after giving birth. Why was I holding onto these? The only too-small pair I kept were souvenir snakeskin heels my mom got me in Italy. I am also holding onto my riding boots for now. Equestrian styles regularly make an appearance. I'll have to try them on and see if they are wearable.

How much lighter I now feel! I was merciless. If it was stained, had lost its shape, was faded, uncomfortable, didn't fit well, didn't make me feel attractive when I wore it, or it just bothered me to look at it for some unfathomable reason, I said good-bye. What kept me from panicking was the fact that I ordered two nice blouses and a dress from Ebay yesterday, so I will have a new item for each of the bags I'm giving away. And most of the stuff was still very nice for whoever gets it for free at the thrift store (you can take up to 20 items at no cost!) Thinking about making other people happy who can't afford nice things takes the sting out of the process.

Do a wardrobe assessment. Are you not wearing something because of one of the reasons I mentioned above, or are you just not having fun getting dressed? Always looking put together and pretty gives me energy and enhances my mood. It makes life seem more interesting and meaningful. I feel more creative and inspired. Maybe you "save" some clothes for church or going out to dinner that you could be wearing for every day life. You may have some formal dresses that you only wear for weddings or really dressy occasions; but otherwise, I give you permission to look nice even if you never leave the house all day. Oh, and just because you bought something once, or someone gave it to you as a gift, doesn't mean you have to keep it. Really.

Now make a list. Once you have purged your closet and dresser drawers, what do you really need to buy this season? Sometimes I don't wear certain things because I just don't have the right shoes or boots, or because I don't have the right top to wear with those pants. I have a very small butt, so sometimes I don't wear things because they droop, and I don't have the right belt! For fall, I really need a brown belt and a black belt. I could really use a new pair of casual walking shoes and low-heeled dress pumps. Honestly, that should do it. As long as my new blouses fit when they arrive this week, I should be set! Only purchase those items that you believe to be beautiful and know to be useful.

Less really can be more--and that too is joie de vivre!

The Essential Wardrobe

Continuing with our exploration of joie de vivre, we must naturally pursue the topic of what to wear. It may seem counterintuitive, but I think that we often can't find anything we want to wear, simply because we have too many clothes. Much of what is in our closets and drawers are items that we never wear. Or if we do wear them, it is not because we love them, but simply because they are there. We are not choosing an outfit so much as dressing by default. Can you imagine having only those pieces in your wardrobe that you really like and feel great wearing?

I am arguing today for the concept of the essential wardrobe. First of all, if everything in your closet is jammed tightly together, you have too much stuff. Before anything else, put any off-season clothing away. I pack mine in plastic tubs and have my husband haul it to the attic. It is still summer, but we will be heading into a transitional time here in the Midwest. Some of your summer items will still be needed. You will need a few layering pieces, such as a jean jacket, a blazer, and cardigan sweaters. Ankle pants are still in style. I have two pairs from Kohl's that I have worn since spring, in a lightweight denim. One is a cherry red, the other a soft rosy beige. These can be worn right into fall.

When I feel hot I like my underarms to be free, so I wear sleeveless, floral dresses and camisoles/t-shirts, often with lace trim. If you get chilly, simply add a blazer, jean jacket, or cardigan! I prefer natural fabrics all year round, such as cotton and silk. Rayon also seems to breathe well. Wool is fine as long as it isn't itchy! A small percentage of synthetic fabric is usually okay as long as the majority of the blend is natural.

Now let's talk quality. This is key to emulating the French way of dressing. French women spend their money on high quality clothing but buy less pieces. They tend toward classic styles and neutral colors, using accessories to add a splash of pattern and color, or to reflect a current trend. They may wear one colorful item, such as a bright red skirt, while the rest of the outfit will be neutral. They do not purchase a ton of clothing every season in order to be up-to-the-minute in style. Being chic is more about a woman's individual personality and self-expression. The French woman knows what looks good on her and is never fashion's slave!

Lately I have been doing my makeup a la Jennifer L. Scott's "le no makeup" look. I'll talk more about the specific products I use and application methods in another post. The point is, I am customizing an easy makeup routine so that in a matter of minutes I can put my best face forward. I get dressed with the intention of this philosophy--always look pulled together. In order to always look presentable, getting dressed needs to be easy, which means paring down one's wardrobe to the bare essentials. You need items that you really enjoy wearing, that fit you well, and that can easily be mixed and matched. You need a few pairs of shoes and boots that can work into your wardrobe without fuss. Shoes make or break the outfit. Your essential wardrobe also includes paring down your shoes, scarves, jewelry, and purses.

Following the French way, you buy the best you can afford, and you can afford more expensive clothing because you prioritize quality over quantity! Today I am wearing a pink, white and black, cotton floral sun dress that I got from Good Will, which is a Kohl's brand. My hair is in a simple bun. I'm wearing silver, dangling flower earrings, my wedding ring, a pearl necklace, and a silver and pearl rosary bracelet. When I walked the dog today (in peep-toed, stacked black shoes from the Bass outlet store), I talked to everyone I encountered in the neighborhood, even people I didn't know. I felt friendly and confident. I was more open and genuine because I had taken the time to look pulled together--and that is joie de vivre.