What to Do When the Laundry Is Caught Up | Taking Stock

I could see the light at the end of the laundry tunnel, so yesterday, after having a rare good night's sleep and feeling very energetic, I blew the laundry out, washing every last item. My theory has been that as long as I am behind on regular housework, like laundry and dishes, I can't in good conscience delve into other projects. Maybe this is a subconscious ploy of procrastination, even if logically sound. 

I had big dreams for today, no longer shackled by a mountain of unwashed garments and linens; but alas, I slept poorly and feel the sinus gunk bringing me down again. I think the brief snow we got tamped down the spring pollen, but then it melted. One possibility that we may not have considered during this coronavirus semi-quarantine is that maybe God wants us to rest. Maybe he wants us to pause, to reflect. Not only to muddle through, to bide our time until the crisis has passed, but to just plain stop whatever we've been doing and take stock. 

What do we most value but have habitually taken for granted? How many times, for instance, did I choose to stay home from church and not receive the Eucharist, and now am heartbroken to be deprived of Jesus' Real Presence in the way that only the Blessed Sacrament can provide? There were people I had planned to visit during Lent, like my great-aunts in nursing homes, and now I can't go see them. I look at my calendar and see future plans that will not come to pass. We all had looked forward to events that we assumed were unchangeable. The idea of not going to Mass on Easter Sunday, because there won't be one, seems like something out of the Twilight Zone. 

Now let's see where we're at on the FlyLady path. So far we have established a few things for our morning and evening routines. We shine our sinks and put out tomorrow's outfit in the evening, and go to bed at a decent hour, turning off screens an hour prior. In the morning we put away the clean dishes, start the laundry (one load per day at least, washed, dried, folded, and put away), and get dressed to shoes. At some point in the day we do a 15-minute, whole house (or main level) declutter. We set our timers to manage our time. I should note that Diane in Denmark admitted that she doesn't necessarily do everything in her routines every single day. It's okay to miss, say, a day of shining your sink, but try not to miss more than two, or you may fall out of the habit. But even if that happens, you just jump back in from wherever you are.

I'm only going to add one more thing at this time, and that is self-care. Every day we must take time, if only 15 minutes, for our personal well-being. My husband told me that for our mental health, the WHO has recommended that we only read about or watch news of COVID-19 for ten minutes, twice a day. Yes, it's important to stay current with the mandates and developments, but we must not immerse ourselves. We must not obsess. 

Today I didn't have the energy to take a shower, so I just soaked in the tub while I read a book and treated myself to a clarifying clay facial mask.  I read today's Mass readings and the meditation for this date in Simple Abundance. But I've been watching myself sneak onto the internet beyond the allowance of checking email that I had planned for Lent. 

Basically I only wanted to go online to use the library services, do whatever was necessary for homeschooling, to blog and to receive the communications from our homeschool co-op. Co-op is of course cancelled for the time being, so I don't even really need to check email very often. Following the coronavirus progress got me on YouTube, and it's so easy to fall back into old habits once we open the door. I felt I was being of service to post this blog to Facebook, though that was the main internet usage that I had intended to give up.

So I will share this post on FB, and then that will be it for the remainder of Lent, and likely for longer.  I've encouraged my friends to sign up for email notification of new blog articles. I will go back to strict avoidance of the internet. I'm sure my husband will keep me abreast of anything I need to know about the pandemic.  Things on the internet can surely be inspiring, but I believe increasingly that we are being guided to a new and better way of living, if only we will stop and listen.  There is no reason to go full speed ahead. I think I can use these bare bones of the FlyLady system to keep things humming along nicely, to have a solid framework for my days. If I can add more, great. If not, no big deal. 

We're experiencing the reality, right this moment, of what can happen to our best laid plans. There must be something more. 
A secret garden. A buried key.

Back to Basics--Revisiting the Concept of Organic Mothering

Organic Mothering is both a parenting style and a philosophy of natural family living. It encompasses the tenets of attachment parenting, eating organic and locally grown food and other practices of sustainability, and homeschooling or other, alternative education choices that offer trust and freedom for children.

OM is a spiritual practice focusing on mindfulness and awakening to the authentic self. It honors nature and flows with the rhythm of the seasons. It embraces the wabi sabi elements of simplicity, imperfect beauty, and paring down life to what is essential.

OM creates space for a woman--and her husband and children--to breathe, to be present in the moment. It brings a sense of purpose and meaning to the activities of each day, facilitating in the creation and appreciation of Beauty and the fulfillment of the poetry that is Life. 


If you go back to the very first post on this blog, these are the words you will find. I had a vision for Organic Mothering, and as far as I am aware, I coined the term. It is used by others now, but when I initially searched to make sure I wasn't stealing anyone else's blog title or idea, I didn't find it anywhere. I'm pleased that it's a concept that has caught on and inspired many.

It's hard to believe that this blog has been going since 2011! Much has changed in my life since then, most notably that I am now Catholic. The sentence, OM is a spiritual practice focusing on mindfulness and awakening to the authentic self, strikes me as a bit New Age today. That isn't surprising, though. It reflects all of the self help study I did in my 20s, and that's okay. I still need to grow in the area of mindfulness, of being keenly aware of my words and actions. But increasingly that awareness is centered on the tenets of the Catholic Faith and the Church that Jesus founded. How well, or how poorly, I see Christ in each person is the ultimate litmus test of mindfulness.

What about the "authentic self"? In Simple Abundance, Sarah Ban Breathnach wrote that the authentic Self is "the soul made visible". The question currently is, is it well with my soul? Is the Holy Spirit living visibly in the depths of my heart? I read once in Carol Houselander's The Reed of God that as we grow in becoming more like Christ, our rough spots may actually appear worse, as they are juxtaposed against the blinding light of the life of God within us.  That's my paraphrase of what she wrote.

Since I joined the Catholic Church, my "cradle Catholic" husband has reverted to the Faith, a great miracle if ever there was one. Now we are a Catholic household, each of us working out our salvation, individually and together. My vocation as a wife is to get my husband to heaven; his is to get me to heaven; and ours is to get our child to heaven. Any notion of "organic mothering" now pivots around being Catholic.

Home-centered learning is about being Catholic. When my home education efforts revolve around teaching and experiencing the Faith, all goes well. When they don't, it doesn't. I am currently reading The Joyful Home Schooler by Mary Hood, Ph.D.  She points out that in the Bible, God admonishes parents to teach their children in the ways of the Lord and his Word. Nothing else. Hood is Christian but not Catholic, so of course she doesn't talk about the Magisterium of the Church. Religious differences aside, I love what she wrote. God has not directed us to focus on lesson plans or grade levels or to create a mini educational institution that mirrors the public schools. Though she doesn't use the term, what she is talking about is establishing in one's home a domestic church.

We do have a responsibility to equip our children with the knowledge and skills that they will need to make their own way in this world. However, academics must always be secondary. As we read stories from the Bible, study the Catechism, and learn about the saints; as we pray together and talk about our Faith; as my child is mindfully lead to become the person that God has created her to be; the reading, the math, and the writing will follow. Trust in the guidance of the Holy Spirit is paramount to anything that can rightly be called an education. There is no education without Jesus and his Church. It follows, then, that there is no real education in the public schools. Even if there is no choice but to send one's children to a public school, parents are still required to be their primary educators.

Getting back to the basics of organic mothering means going higher up and further into the Catholic Faith. It means that there is no separation between life, learning, and religion. As Charlotte Mason said, education is the handmaid of Religion. Along with flowing with the rhythm of the seasons, we follow the liturgical year. We gratefully care for all we have in stewardship to God. We behold the Incarnation and the image of Madonna and Child, of God become man, nurtured at the breast of Mary. What greater symbol of organic mothering could there be? What greater Beauty?

New Age Deception: Self-Help & Spirituality

Concurrent with the popularity of New Age religion in the '90s was the explosion of the self-help literary genre. My favorite self-help book was Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Published in 1995, I consider this book a classic. Walk into any used book store today, and you will likely find a copy on the shelves. This is one of those books that seemed to serendipitously come into my life when I needed it. I can still remember turning around in the Barnes & Noble in Columbus and seeing a sea of these pinkish books on display. It was calling to me.

Simple Abundance contains a series of daily meditations revolving around the tenets of gratitude, simplicity, order, harmony, beauty and joy. It's the perfect example of combining the psychology of self-help with a personal, spiritual journey. A book written by a woman specifically for women. Full of practical advice on such matters as finding your personal style and clearing clutter, it is scattered with quotes from famous poets, actresses, writers, spiritual teachers and sages, from Colette to Bette Davis, from E.E. Cummings to Louisa May Alcott. The ultimate goal is to fuse style with Spirit and to unearth your "authentic self."

In Ban Breathnach's book, The authentic self is the Soul made visible. The pearls of wisdom contained in this book hit a chord with women everywhere, as the New York Times best seller list can attest. Her message, that you already have everything you really need, and the encouragement to pare down material possessions and discover true abundance in life through her six principles, was by and large a good and positive message. I recently discovered that poor financial choices (and marrying the wrong man) lead to Sarah losing everything. This woman who had earned millions with her message of simplicity had squandered her fortune and ended up sleeping on her sister's couch.

The problem with a book and plan like Sarah's is that it reflects the trend of the times toward a rejection of traditional religion and the embracing of "spirituality." People in the '90s were fond of saying, "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." (And they still are.) Everyone was obsessed with trying to figure out who they authentically were, but this quest was typically set upon without the centrality of Christ and without seeking God's will for your life. "Spirit" was not the Holy Spirit, but was similar to the idea of the "Universe", and you could place an order with the Universe or Spirit and manifest the life you desired. This idea has increasingly become more popular.

There was an innocence in this, and by and far the intentions of these self-help authors and the people who followed their ideas were good. The truth is the truth wherever it is found, and the Catholic Church teaches that Christians can learn from the good in other faiths. Yet after taking the path of Simple Abundance, Sarah herself wasn't satisfied, and so she wrote a sequel, Something More. I agreed with her that there was still something missing that needed to be found, but this 2nd book didn't have the appeal for me that the first one did, and the question of what that "something more" was never got answered. That is, until one day when someone very special invited me to the Catholic Church. But that's later on in the story...

Simple Abundance, in my opinion, isn't expressly New Age. But it contains that quality of sounding Christian but not quite. It's this not quite Christian, "universal spirituality" that has lead to dangerously leading souls astray.

Cultivating Your Signature Style

What made it possible for me to do my big wardrobe cleanse was first catching up on the laundry. Some things got packed away in the attic to wear for another season. Tons of items were given to charity.  A few were tucked away, but not too far, for being just a tad too small.

Only keep those pieces that you really like and feel great wearing, and that fit your lifestyle and body right now. This point bears repeating, because if you haven't whittled your wardrobe down to the clothes that you really need and actually do wear, you will have a difficult time discerning your personal style in order to shop wisely for additional items. If you have an item that you like but never wear, consider whether that is because you have nothing to wear with it, in which case you must remedy that situation, or because it really isn't "you".

What if, after you have purged your closet and dresser drawers, you find that you still literally have nothing to wear? You were probably keeping many things that didn't flatter your figure and that you didn't enjoy wearing, because you had nothing better. Now you fear that you will have to go naked. Non, ami. Keep a few presentable pieces, maybe 10 items and a few extras to get you by. Now here are some suggestions that will hopefully help:

1. Simple Abundance: This book, by Sarah Ban Breathnach, takes you through a whole year of unearthing your authentic self, in a series of daily meditations. I recommend this book to every woman. Go to the section where she talks about discovering your authentic, personal fashion style. You will find a goldmine of inspiration in this classic.

2. The Illustrated Discovery Journal: This is one of the tools Sarah Ban Breathnach suggests in Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. First purchase an artist's sketchbook. Find a pair of scissors and some glue. Turn on soothing music and brew a cup of tea or your favorite drink. Make sure you won't be interrupted. Gather some magazines together that you have lying around, or ask a friend for those that she no longer wants. If you don't have any to use, buy a few current issues. I highly recommend People magazine's monthly Style Watch issue. This features real world, wearable trends in a broad range of prices. Slowly flip through the magazines in a meditative way, cutting out pictures that grab your attention as you go. Any image that stirs your imagination and makes you feel happy looking at it. When you have finished, arrange the images in your sketchbook. You might also clip out words or parts of articles, anything you see that speaks to you in a meaningful way. Set your finished work aside and look at it again later. Do you see a recurring theme? Do the hairstyles, makeup, and fashion you were drawn to resemble your current style?

3. Make a List: Being as specific as you can, make a list of your dream wardrobe. Note the color, fabric, shape, and details of the items you want, ie. boot cut blue jeans in a dark wash; low heeled leopard print dress pumps; a black leather motorcycle jacket; a long sleeved cashmere pullover sweater in pink, etc...

4. Window Shop: Make a trip to a department store and note which designers or labels strike your fancy. When I was shopping for my honeymoon, I discovered that I really liked INC (International Concepts). Once you have found those boutiques or department store lines that reflect your fashion sense and lifestyle, make those your go-to sources when you need something new. Another idea is to shop vintage boutiques, consignment shops, thrift stores, Etsy and Ebay to try to find those brands or similar styles. Take your time, check your budget, and when you are ready...

5. Plan Your Shopping Excursion: Perhaps take a friend along who understands the essential wardrobe concept to help you decide whether something looks good on you or not. Make sure you have eaten and are not tired. Bring snacks and a bottle of water with you, or plan a nice lunch into your day. Have your essential wardrobe list handy, and look for only those items. If you happen upon something not on your list that you just can't live without, and it will mix and match into your wardrobe, buy it. But keep your focus on those pieces that will build the foundation of your streamlined style.

6. Wear Only Your Best: Avoid keeping clothing that is past its prime. If it has holes in it, fits poorly, is ugly, is faded, or has lost its shape, don't wear it. Never tell yourself, I am only going to the grocery store, the playground, or whatever. Inevitably you will run into someone you know, and you will regret looking sloppy. Respect yourself and others with the quality of your appearance. I don't mean that you should wear a ball gown to buy deodorant, simply that one should look pulled together always.

Soon you will be on your way to a closet that makes you smile when you open it, and getting dressed each day will be a joy, something that motivates you to begin your day on the right foot. I promise, this will change your life!

Polish.

Today I gave myself a pedicure on my balcony sanctuary. Simply having a balcony sanctuary, especially on a lovely, mild, sunny June day, should be good enough to make anyone happy. But I was in a funk today. The week started out with a bit of a traumatic experience. We were at the Renaissance Faire on Father's Day, and "Great Aunt Flo" decided to visit. Luckily I was wearing dark-colored shorts. Such a thing has not happened to me since the 7th grade! As usual, my period wiped my energy out this week, and I didn't feel like doing much. One good piece of advice I learned in Al-Anon was, "Do the next right thing."

Yesterday I did the wrong things. I drank too much coffee, ate too much sugar, and was up not feeling so well in my stomach in the middle of the night. So I began today with an oatmeal breakfast and ginger tea with honey. I would care for myself better, I vowed! I threw in a load of laundry and hand washed a belly dance top I will need tomorrow. I polished my toenails, finally having enough regrowth on the big toe where I had the nail surgically removed. I knew that feeling prettier and not wanting to hide my feet would cheer me up. I also colored my hair to cover the grays. I still really, really didn't wish to practice dancing, but I made myself while my family went to the library. I do feel better. I also helped Beezy with her 4-H dog program book, which I really had no desire to do either.

I had a choice. I could continue to feel overwhelmed and unmotivated, or I could push through the blue fog and carry on. I could take some time to read something edifying, write in my journal, eat healthy, do a little housework, talk to my husband, water my flowers, and bring some joy, even if I had to drag it by the ear, into my day. The sun is still shining as it is going down, and I have the peace of knowing that the day was not wasted. My daughter will read to me tonight, and I'll read to her, and we will say our prayers and go to sleep. Simply abundant. Life.

Gratitude

For Christians the question isn't whether or not God exists or if Christ is Lord—the question is how deeply those truths change your life.

— from Tweet Inspiration


I think I need to go back to the practice of making a list of 5 things each day for which I am grateful. I learned about this idea of keeping a gratitude journal in Sarah Ban Breathnach's Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. When thinking about the "wildly rewarding life," I asked myself whether my life might already be wildly rewarding, and I just fail to recognize it.

First of all, I can partake of Holy Communion for spiritual nourishment almost every day of the week, if I choose to go to daily Mass. To have the right to receive the real food of the body and blood of Christ as a Catholic is truly wild. Is there a greater gift than this? That God is my Father, Jesus is my Brother, and Mary is my spiritual Mother is amazing grace. Is there a higher reward than this?

It seems that we are trained by our consumerist society to always want more. If I had this thing or that, if this one aspect of life were different, then everything would be perfect. What if, instead, we allow what we have in this present moment to be enough? The birds and squirrels in the yard are enough. My husband, child, dog, home, car, and furniture are enough. I have enough clothes, enough food, enough money, and enough love. I am pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough, talented enough, funny enough, young enough, and my weight is just fine, whatever it happens to be. My friends and my town are enough. This blog is good enough. My homeschooling is good enough. I am enough. You are enough. And our God is an awesome God.

Tidal Learning

When I was researching unschooling, I discovered a mother who coined her own label, tidal learning, to describe what she does. She had noticed a certain ebb and flow in her homeschooling activities. Sometimes there was a lot of formal instruction and a set schedule, while other times, such as when a baby was born, life more resembled unschooling. I think that we all have high and low periods of activity. For example, in her book Simple Abundance, Sarah Ban Breathnach talks about the necessity of "filling the well" in order to stoke the creative fires. There are periods of seeming dormancy, followed by spurts of intense creativity. Without the low tide, there is no high tide.

commons.wikimedia.org

We have been sick at my house all week. When we're sick we need to rest. It's such a simple thing, but I think there is this fear of falling behind. We must consider that sometimes burning the candle at both ends is exactly what leads to injury or illness. If we don't hear the message to slow down, sometimes God will allow us to be in a situation that requires an abrupt stop. This happened to me years ago, when I was really tired and needed a break but did not take one. I got into a car accident and broke my knee cap. I wrote a lot of good poetry following that period.

Lately Beezy has been having an explosion into writing. She is really interested right now in learning to send text messages on the cell phone. Real life applications of writing are best for improving the skill. The more we read and write, the better readers and writers we become. I saw a love letter she wrote to our dog in the bathroom today, next to Daisy's bed. The desire to write is natural in a child who sees others writing and wishes to be able to communicate in this way. Beezy wants to spell words correctly, and she gets disappointed when she doesn't. I encourage her to just write as best she can. If she asks for help spelling a word, I give it to her; otherwise, I allow the inventive spelling that is natural to children who write words as they sound to them. When I was a Montessori teacher, a child wrote a story, and the last thing he wrote was, "C N". I puzzled over this, working it out in my mind, then smiled when it became obvious--"The End".

Learning happens all the time, even during sick days. Even when it looks like you are doing nothing. The seeds have been planted, but it takes time for the flowers to appear. And before the flowers come stems and leaves. After the bloom, flowers fade and fall off. Next year the process happens all over again. Look to the seasons, to the processes of Mother Nature, to understand that it is no different with us. When the moon calls, the tide rises. And when the time comes, the waters subside. Simple as that. Keep it simple.

Wild English Rose--Summer to Fall Beauty 2012

I have been contemplating lately the persona of the "English Rose".  I think I was inspired by the floral patterned jeans I've been seeing in fashion magazines. Denim is back in a big way, especially colored denim, one of the 80s trends that is actually quite fun even for those of us who were in high school then and are generally alarmed by the come back! Just please, avoid the neon unless you are a teenager. For us stay-at-home mothers especially, casual trends like denim and flat shoes are so welcome. I would, however, also avoid the chambray shirt if you are not quite young, which in my opinion could look a little dowdy, a little too soccer mom-ish. 

But I'm really not here to recommend any particular style. I think we all need to just figure out what flatters our figures and fits our unique personalities and lifestyles and dress accordingly. I am seeking instead to define a quintessential type of beauty that I personally would like to emulate, and that is the classic English Rose, in a certain wild variety. This is the lovely woman with a porcelain complexion (if she is white), clear skin with a soft rosy or peachy glow. The word radiant comes to mind. She looks fresh and innocent (though polished), yet there is a wisdom in her eyes and demeanor, and you just know that you cannot get anything past her. She can see into your soul. She is interested in other people. Even at a crowded party she will draw you close to her and into her secret world, where she wants to know all about you. She only talks about herself if she is asked. She is the "woman of repose" who Sarah Ban Breathnach describes in Simple Abundance.

The original wild English rose was Emma, Lady Hamilton (1765-1815), a courtesan turned aristocratic wife of Sir William Hamilton known for her unrivaled beauty and passionate affair with war hero Lord Nelson during the French Revolution. A favorite muse of artists, she was a creative, artistic force herself, and held immense political sway. In true Shakespearean fashion, after a glamourous, romantic life of abundance, she died destitute and obese. This air of tragedy sometimes surrounds the Wild Rose, but we sigh nonetheless.

Emma, Lady Hamilton by George Romney

Though elegant and in no way course, the Wild English Rose sometimes has a whiff of scandal around her, like Queen Elizabeth's younger sister, Princess Margaret. Or she is in some way unconventional, eccentric, or quietly rebellious (the perfect description of homeschooling mothers!). She can be glamourous, but in her looks and demeanor there is a certain restraint, a wry sense of humor, the feeling that while it looks calm and has been dormant for years, this volcano is still nevertheless a volcano, and there is always that chance it could explode, quite unexpectedly.

 Princess Margaret Rose

In the world of film the Wild English Rose takes on daring roles, or plays women that were unconventionally brassy for their times. Think Kate Winslet's Rose character in Titanic, Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind, or Julia Ormond in Legends of the Fall.  This type of beauty has its counterpart in many cultures: the sweet, natural beauty with the glowing complexion, unfussy but never a wallflower, who has that untamed streak about her, who dances to the beat of her own drum. She is a study in paradox. She is an enigma. And no one can resist her quiet charm, whether men, children, or other women. She does not inspire jealousy, only admiration, and this is because of the warmth and intense devotion with which she regards others. Salma Hayek is such a Wild Rose, as well as Halle Berry and Zhang Ziyi.

 Kate Winslet in Titanic

In the literary realm we have the likes of Jane Austen, Emily Dickinson, and the Bronte sisters, Charlotte and Emily. They were writers of great genius at a time when women did not usually enjoy such a profession. Emily Dickinson was known for wearing all white in brilliant opposition to the dark fashions of her times, and many of these women never married.

 Keira Knightley in a film adaptation of Austen's Pride and Prejudice

So perhaps you would enjoy contemplating the Wild English (or Hispanic, African American, Chinese, etc...) Rose in yourself and see if you can cultivate that certain (almost seemingly lost in today's world) essence of a Lady who is proper and gracious but who exudes that sense of "one unto herself", she who is self-possessed and quietly confident, who speaks up when it counts and avoids needless chatter when it doesn't; who has a commanding presence clothed in softness; and who just might, some night when the moon is full, run with the wolves.