Getting Beyond Unschooling

I also think it would be a mistake to equate unschooling with never doing anything resembling school. Home educated kids do many of the same things done in schools--learn to play a musical instrument, watch videos, create art, read books, compose poetry, make things out of wood, play games and sports, write, ask questions, share their opinion, solve math problems, cook--the list goes on. The difference is that as home educators we can create our most authentic life possible and learn on our own terms, in our own way, in our own time. We can put God and family before academics. We have a myriad of choices, but if we close our minds to any "schooly" methods or materials, we have effectively blocked the path to open source learning.    --  Rita Michele


Why am I quoting myself today? This is a comment I made at the Whole Life Unschooling FB group. A mother is interested in unschooling but doesn't have her husband's support. She was wondering if she could combine homeschooling and unschooling in order to appease her husband but still give her children the benefits of unschooling. Surprisingly, many members responded in the affirmative. 

Group moderator and high profile unschooling advocate Dayna Martin seemed a bit unnerved by this, perhaps because by the murky parameters of its definition, unschooling cannot be done "part-time". Naturally she thinks the ideal is radical unschooling, but she conceded that a combination of traditional homeschooling with unschooling would be better than subscribing entirely to the mainstream. She shared that her kids learn by exploring their interests and passions without engaging in anything at all "schooly", but she also supported the mother doing whatever she wanted or needed to do. She indicated that curriculum materials and structure are fine if the child wants them. However, "forcing" those things, as the dogma goes, would surely be gravely detrimental. 

To her credit, Dayna aims at a nonjudgmental, balanced response, and I am not criticizing her personally. I am intending to show the difficulty in navigating this whole issue and am suggesting making a concerted effort to get beyond it.

Obviously, with my endeavor of implementing what I find to be good in the French lifestyle and way of parenting, I am leaning more toward the importance of consistent routines so that our lives have a framework upon which to authentically grow and bloom. I am thinking of a wooden, arched trellis that was once in my yard. White roses and purple clematis would climb the trellis and be displayed in all of their glory. When strong winds damaged this structure and we had to pull it down, the flowers didn't thrive. They needed to be able to reach a higher place to get enough sun and have a sturdy foundation upon which to stretch out and take shape. How's that for an extended metaphor?

In the extremes of radical unschooling there is a tendency to reject any methods or materials that even remotely resemble school or so-called "authoritarian" parenting. As a home educator, I feel inhibited by such a mindset. I feel like my hands are tied, because we wouldn't want to put limits on our children. We must give them total and absolute freedom in all choices, in every area of life. At the risk of beating a dead horse, this is not only in opposition to the Christian parental vocation, it's simply nonsensical and irresponsible. How can one parent with confidence while being told that he or she is merely a partner and facilitator in learning and life, rather than the primary educator, as the Church teaches?

We have seen the ugly truth of what befalls our society which increasingly rejects its historical traditions. Families, churches, marriages, job security, morals, ethics, values, education, and physical and mental health have all progressively weakened. Sure, there is such a thing as too much structure. I just heard today that children have 50% less free time than they did a generation ago. They are over-scheduled and over-stimulated. As home educators, we have more control over our time and what fills our days and our children's minds, hearts, and souls. Why would we want to abdicate our God-given parental authority? Here is our chance to direct the vine toward the sun and behold the explosion of Beauty. 

Natural Learning Updates

Over on The Sparkling Martins blog today, Dayna has written about how her oldest two children learned to read naturally, without phonics training, direct teaching, or tests. It's food for thought, the idea that people will want to learn this wonderful and useful skill, and therefore internal motivation will lead to the acquiring of it, when a child is interested and ready.

At my house we do "natural" reading lessons, using a Montessori inspired approach you can read about in the Aug. 31 post. Reading is not so far an activity that takes priority in Beezy's life, though occasionally I find her reading of her own accord, not only because it is part of "school". Still, she likes to read, and it isn't being forced upon her. Reading is also a part of other activities, such as the Pictureka! board game we played today. Being read to is still one of Beezy's greatest joys, and her comprehension skills are strong. Some days I feel content with her reading progress, while other days I find myself feeling a little frustrated. Then I know that I have to step back and refocus.

Keeping track of daily activities in my small leather notebook helps me to see that learning happens all day long, in a variety of ways. Learning is simply life. And for children, play is the primary and most effective method of education. Just now, Beezy brought a bug in that she found in our birdbath and said, "I'm studying it." I noticed it had wings and so was likely to die in the cup of water she had put it in, so she took it out and set it in the shade. So much can be learned simply through observation and conversation.

I do still need to have some formal learning time and a basic system to follow in order to feel comfortable with our homeschooling life. My foray into unschooling, however, has taught me that having a rhythm to our days, rather than a set schedule, provides for a relaxed flow and an openness to spontaneous choices. I do feel more joyful with a natural learning mindset. I think it is the unschooling attitude that sets it apart from other methods more so than the actual things done throughout the course of the day. Reading, math, writing, science, history, religion and other "subjects" happen in every homeschooling situation, and many of the same resources are being used. The difference is in why a topic or skill is being pursued, in what context, and in what form.

A common concern I come across in my reading are the so called "gaps" that may occur with homeschooling, and especially in the case of unschooling. This seems like a lapse in common sense. Regardless of how one is educated, no person will have learned everything there possibly is to learn, even if he lives to be 100. I know nothing about statistics, robotics, calculus, or accounting. Nor, at this time, do I care to. Even in my strongest areas, such as literature, there is still much to be learned. I was recently turned on to the poetry of Gerard Manley Hopkins, an English Jesuit priest from the Victorian era, who I somehow missed in college. I suppose Hopkins has come into my life at the time that we were meant to be introduced. What a happy surprise! I'm grateful for the gap in my education.

There is much deconditioning to do in our understanding of what it means to be educated. The U.S. is possibly on the verge of military action in Syria. Are we to embark on yet another war in the Middle East? All of the knowledge in the world will not help our leaders make the best decisions if they lack wisdom. Sadly, our youth is growing up in a culture in which wisdom is rarely considered, and even knowledge has taken a back seat to "information." The Common Core Curriculum being implemented this school year seeks to replace much of classic literature with "informational textbooks." The written word will be dissected until anything alive and inspiring has been gutted from it like a fish.

Education as information must be cognitively understood and memorized, within a limited context, whereas an emphasis on culture--symbol, story, nuance, philosophy, art, history, religion, language, ethics, and experience--results in greater understanding, in a relational context. Culture is not easily measured by multiple choice and true and false tests. Test taking skills are measured by tests. Only a small fraction of the learning styles and intelligences natural to humanity fit into the public schooling model of education. The "smart" people are the ones who best fit into that limited fraction and who are the most obedient and compliant to outside authority.

Despite my sometimes negative impressions of radical unschooling, I am continuing to open my mind, little by little, to its potential goodness. Yes, I believe that it sometimes goes too far in the name of "freedom" and veers into the perils of unparenting and neglect. But within the peaceful borders of what I believe to be the truth of the Catholic faith, I see the promise of a beautiful, thriving garden of limitless possibility for a better future for humanity. A sea change, one mindful family at a time.

The Vintage Homeschool

Recently while traveling in upstate NY, I was browsing at a flea market when I thought of a new blog concept: the vintage homeschool. I have a lot of antique, vintage and second hand stuff in my home, plus Amish furniture, my own collage art creations, and shabby chic influences. I had picked up the vintage Catholic school book I mentioned earlier, and something clicked. I want to give my child an old-fashioned Catholic education, but at home and without the mean nuns. Actually, I have heard mostly of nice nuns. Anyway, I googled to see if anyone else had come up with this idea already and found Karen DeBeus' blog, "Simply Living...for Him". She has two ebooks which I have purchased, so once finished reading I will review those.

Karen's take on the vintage homeschool is different form mine, but in a way it's along the same lines. She and a friend coined the term while discussing simplifying their homeschooling. She refers to the pioneer homeschoolers of 25 years ago, who began educating their children at home with none of the modern conveniences, such as large curriculum fairs and the internet. They must have relied on libraries and garage sales mostly...and God. Mostly God. While I was obsessively studying unschooling, it occurred to me that I was losing focus on my Catholic faith, and that wasn't a good sign. When I put my focus back where it belongs, I started to see the negative aspects of radical unschooling, and I wrote about them. I witnessed some worst case scenarios and couldn't see how a "freedom without limits" philosophy could be Catholicized. At the core, I don't think it can. At the same time, the simplicity, joy, gentleness, and peace being portrayed by unschooling advocates like Dayna Martin really appealed to me--and still does.

It seems like being a Christian parent should lead to respecting children, but I have noticed by observing myself and others that it doesn't necessarily follow. I remember taking my parents to the counter-cultural art and music festival called ComFest (Community Festival) in Columbus when I lived there. It was begun in the 1960s as a Vietnam War protest, and to this day is put on entirely by volunteerism, with no corporate sponsorship. Free music concerts all weekend on five stages! My mom commented that people at ComFest were even nicer than people at church. When I think in terms of radical unschooling simply, without getting caught up in the secular, anti-teaching dogma, I parent better. I am kinder, and I feel so much more peaceful. And it's important to say, I can do this without abnegating my parental authority. Children and parents are equal persons in the eyes of God, but we are not the same. We have different roles and responsibilities. I had to separate the wheat from the chaff, and there is gold to be found in embracing the freedom that this life offers, but for me only in terms of putting God--and the teachings of Jesus' Church--first.

Those pioneer homeschoolers were unschoolers. They had to start from scratch and figure out how children naturally learn, and how to relate differently to their children, to find better ways to educate them and be with them. They had to shift the paradigm. I am beginning to see life/natural learning as part of the simplicity movement, and of getting back to a healthy family unit as the bedrock of society. Entrepreneurship, family businesses and farms of which children are a part, self-reliance, safe food and products, environmental sustainability, voluntary poverty, and thriving local communities do not have to be a thing of the past. We can live it, starting today, one holy day at a time.

A New Vision

In the last post, I felt compelled to put my concerns about radical unschooling philosophy and the way it is practiced on the table, without any sugar coating or regard for diplomacy. That was not to judge anyone's choice of unschooling, for I did conclude previously that Christians certainly can apply some tenets of this method within the boundaries of their faith, which to me is the truest expression of freedom, particularly in the form of Catholicism. My research has also led me to conclude that "radical" in the Catholic sense is quite different than the original, secular concept of unschooling. It has been suggested that I don't understand the philosophy, but I think that perhaps I understand it too well. I have read between the lines and found a lack of substance and a host of logical error. In practice, RU, for many but not all, tends toward unparenting, or benign neglect. Unparenting, however, can happen regardless of the educational philosophy which is employed.

I have been researching and applying unschooling philosophy and practices for the past several months, and yes, much learning happens naturally, and I fervently believe that interest-led education and the pursuit of one's passions leads to deep learning and great joy. Surely, that is God's will for our lives, to have life abundantly, as Jesus said. However, the only way I think unschooling could be sufficient is if it is done very intentionally, and if direct teaching is not thrown out the window. There has to be a partnership paradigm that is a balance of parent- and child-led education, encompassing all aspects of life, with the authority squarely in the hands of parents. Some would argue that this is not unschooling, so surely anyone can see this dilemma for the Christian parent? I am taking a sabbatical from blogging for at least this week, so everyone please have a safe and happy Independence Day. When I come back, I'm going to look at the unschooling buzzwords and the problem with semantical hair-splitting and fear mongering that I have witnessed. I trust the Holy Spirit to guide me to the bottom of the well, to discover the pure water waiting there. And I will share the bucket!

Gospel of Freedom

Your own holiness is the best “gospel of freedom” you can offer. If you are holy and happy, people will know you are somehow different, and they will want what you have.

— from Catholic and Confident


This passage from the Franciscan "Minute Meditations" that I receive daily in my email inbox reflects the freedom within peaceful borders that I have been talking about in relation to unschooling. I was really turned off, when I spent some time with Facebook groups, by the radical unschooling notion that "freedom within limits is not freedom," a direct quote I read on one of them. It comes down to how one defines freedom. Anarchy is not freedom. For me, life without Christ and his Church is not freedom. I still wonder whether I should claim radical unschooling as a Catholic after all, for the sake of redefining what that can mean for a person of faith. 

It disturbs me to witness Christians being sucked into the secular rhetoric of radical unschooling, where it is implied that only in very specified terms can peaceful parenting be practiced, and only in being what some consider "fully RU" are children truly "free". Indeed, this is often billed as the only authentic form of unschooling, and its their way or the highway! Where does this nonsense come from? Well, the short story is that John Holt coined the term unschooling, by which he simply meant homeschooling--learning without the confines of school and its traditional trappings. But it was felt by some that the Christian community had taken homeschooling over with the development of their own curricula, so unschooling was branded as a different animal, and any curriculum use or set schedule became anathema. 

Then Sandra Dodd decided that the unschooling philosophy must be applied to all facets of life, which for her and many others somehow translates into children doing whatever they want, whenever they want. Somehow living by "principles" rather than "rules" (though these are in certain ways synonymous) will save the family from bedlam, and everyone will be balanced and self-regulated. But that isn't what is happening with, for instance, the mother who let her kid drink as much soda as he wanted, and then that's all he wanted for weeks. He stopped eating food, and she felt like she couldn't interfere because that wasn't "RU"!! This boy was 6 years old. Somewhere along the way, perhaps having become disenchanted with being slaves to a curriculum, some Christians picked up unschooling and tried their best to apply it within a Christian framework. The question is, can this be done?

Ironically, this radical unschooling version of freedom for children requires the adherence by parents to a strict system of rules put forth by such unschooling gurus, to the extent that the word "cult" started to float around in my brain. I just got so frustrated, wanting to embrace some of these ideas yet so repelled by some others. Too many parents seem to have ceased to think for themselves or to use an iota of common sense that I just couldn't bear to be part of the unschooling groups any more. I even left the Christian and Catholic ones--though the extreme problems were much less prevalent there--so I could clear my head and begin with a clean slate. Do I let the dream of living and learning joyfully that unschooling promises die, or do I dream a new, truly Catholic dream for unschooling? The thing is, many of those radical unschoolers are miserable and their children tell them they hate them. When they ask for help, the gurus and other RU parents often just tell them they aren't doing it right; they aren't "RU" enough. That is certainly not the case across the board, but these poor souls need a better way.

Suzie Andres wrote the book on Catholic unschooling, but I think it has got to go deeper, because the secular voices are so much louder. Radical unschooling as it stands allows for spirituality, but only in the sense of religious indifferentism, because it really has its own dogma. Despite what Suzie and her philosopher husband concluded about unschooling not being an ideology, and therefore being in no conflict of interest with Catholicism, it just is not so when it comes to the radical version. Unless, of course, we Catholics entirely redefine what it means to be radical. It really shouldn't be that hard. The Church has been around for 2000 years, while radical unschooling has maybe a few decades under its belt. You want radical? Then be a Catholic. 

Why not just leave off the word "radical" and be done with it? Because if we say that ideally there should be no separation between learning and life, which is essentially what unschooling means, then it is by nature radical; that is, all encompassing. In that I agree with Sandra Dodd. Radical literally means "from the root". And Catholic education is supposed to be an entity that does not separate learning from the Faith, according to the Magisterium. Again, we have a deep sense of rootedness. By its very nature, it follows that Catholic unschooling is radical, but obviously not in the way Sandra Dodd means. Hence my desire to set this dish on a clean plate.

I don't think we can Catholicize an educational method and lifestyle that preaches a freedom without limits dogma. That being said, I don't believe that even the most RU parents don't have their limits. What I have seen in these unschooling groups is a state of deep, secular humanist indoctrination. That is why I opted for the label, Catholic Natural Learning, instead of Radical Unschooling. Happiness and Freedom outside of the Church? Forget about it! But religious issues aside, the way of living some families have adopted by following the RU dogma as they understand it is not healthy by any standard.

I really wanted to be done with this topic, but I can't leave souls drifting and confused and mislead in this sweet-smelling radical unschooling muck. It almost happened to me, because a lot of what Dayna Martin (author of Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun) says is truly inspiring, and I admire her in many ways. But I kept hearing the Virgin Mary quietly clearing her throat. So I'm probably not done--not by a long shot.   

 "The Virgin Mary in the Rose Garden," Albert Gustav Aristedes Edelfelt (1854-1905)

Unschooling Principles

"The principles of unschooling are that humans are born learners. That children will learn best when given the freedom to learn what, when and how they want.

That doesn't, of course, tell anyone what to do. Principles are what help us decide which choices support our philosophy and which choices run counter to it.

Some people hear the unschooling principles and see them as limiting, as preventing them from doing what they feel is best or want to do and equate that with being closed-minded. But we all have guiding principles that limit our choices to the choices that we feel are right. If we didn't have principles it would be okay to shoot our neighbor for running his table saw at 6AM on Saturdays! But we voluntarily limit our choices of solutions to that problem because we recognize that some of them violate our principles. (Or values or ethics or philosophy or get in the way of our goals in life.)"   --from the blog, Joyfully Rejoicing

 making "grass angels"

It looks like anything you might want to know about unschooling, and any question you might have, is covered at Joyfully Rejoicing. I recommend just looking at a few tidbits at a time and letting the unschooling philosophy slowly sink in.  The above explanation was an "aha" moment for me.  I was indeed feeling that some unschoolers are closed-minded and not thinking for themselves, just parroting someone else's ideas about unschooling. They seem rigid rather than joyful, refusing to continue going deeper, which defeats the whole point.

Dayna Martin actually covers this in her Radical Unschooling book as part of the journey in understanding the process. Some people may get stuck in that rigid spot and get discouraged, even give up on the whole idea. And unfortunately their policing may adversely affect others.  Dayna commented on the Whole Life Unschooling Facebook group that there is no such thing as "fully RU".  We are always on the journey, and it will look different for every family.

Radical unschoolers live by principles rather than rules, but there will likely be specific rules which naturally follow from one's principles. The principle of respect for one's environment as well as considerations of safety lead to a "no running in the house" rule in my home.  The extension of unschooling principles in education to all other areas of life means respecting the wants, needs, and personhood of children within each family's individual principles. Gentleness is an overriding goal. We don't want to be constantly questioning whether every little thing we say and do is "RU" (Radical Unschooling). That would not be authentic parenting.

If I say that we are Catholic unschoolers in my family, that means that the Faith not only permeates educational considerations, but that it informs every area of life. And it means that our Catholicism is radical, or "from the root".  We can be radical unschoolers, because this means that we follow unschooling principles within the peaceful borders (my designation for limits or boundaries) of our Faith.  It could even be argued that the moniker "radical" is redundant, because it is already implied by the label of Catholic unschooling. In fact, catholic literally means "universal".  Our definition of Truth and Freedom may be different from other radical unschoolers, but the point is living joyfully and in respectful partnership with our children according to our Truth, not someone else's.  It means living in Freedom by our own lights, shining within the brighter light of Christ.

Peaceful Borders.

In Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun, author Dayna Martin establishes trusting children in their learning choices as a basic tenet of unschooling. The learning going on in her home is primarily passion-driven. I take no issue with this; in fact, I applaud it.  Radical unschooling extends the unschooling educational philosophy to other areas of parenting, including trusting one's child regarding considerations such as food, media, TV, video games, bed times, potty training, etc... This is where the parameters get murky for me; in some cases I see the connection to trust in natural processes, while in others the distinction isn't clear. The main point of radical unschooling, to me, is love, respect, and gentleness toward children. It is peaceful, mindful, intuitive parenting, not a cart blanche of personal freedom.

Suppose, as a Catholic mother, I do not allow my child to view pornography. This might be interpreted as not trusting my child and trying to "control" him by some radical unschoolers. Is radical unschooling, then, to be understood as the complete abnegation of parental authority? In her blog, Dayna distinguishes between radical unschooling and permissive parenting, stressing that these are not one and the same. She advocates guiding children and providing them with relevant information, and believes in hands on parenting and in trusting your inner guidance in raising them. There seems to be room here for an authentic expression of values.

Therefore, if I value moral safety and believe that pornography viewing would harm my child, setting a limit in this area actually promotes true happiness and freedom and is an exercise of the parental vocation given me by God.  Since "limits" is a hot button word in the RU community, let's think outside the box and use a different moniker. I suggest peaceful borders. Think in terms of an enclosed garden, a sanctuary, or if you will, a domestic church. The borders are there not to wall you away from the rest of the world, but to provide protection and a safe haven for contemplation and the building up of qualities such as self-possession and discernment. Here you can listen to your inner voice and connect with Truth.

Can I promote "peaceful borders" and still be a radical unschooler? I can call myself whatever I want, of course. But the primary definition of "radical" would back me up if I did:  of, relating to, or proceeding from a root.  Interesting that we have here a correlating garden image! The garden speaks of fertility, growth, and natural cycles. "Radical" does not have to mean extremism or fanaticism. Radical unschooling implies rootedness. It does not have to be a complete rejection of all tradition or authority. It does not have to mean allowing children to do whatever they want, whenever they want, although that is the free choice some may make. We can pick from the garden of radical unschooling those areas of flexibility that make sense to us, that speak to our hearts, and that are for the good of our children and our families. We can take what we like and leave the rest.  It is okay if some fruit is forbidden.

Life, Unscripted.

One great thing that Dayna Martin addresses in her Radical Unschooling book is that there is no radical unschooling script. First let's consider that sometimes it does help to have a few useful phrases on the tip of one's tongue. In conflict situations in the Montessori classroom, for example, we taught the kids to begin with, "I don't like it when you..."  I felt like I got free assertiveness training along with my teacher education! I found that the same things that worked with young children worked with drunk men in bars. "I don't like it when you (name the offense)," was met with amazement and a cloudy understanding. Oh, women don't like that! Good to know. You could see the wheels turning. But I feel that to be authentic, one shouldn't be a walking, pat response. Using someone else's parenting style or scripted lingo will feel uncomfortable and false to both you and your children.

If unschooling results in a one-size-fits-all method of parenting, it is no better than mainstream patterns of punishment, abuse of authority, coercion, or generic curriculum use. In other words, there should be no "unschooling police", no bossiness about what you absolutely can and cannot do when it comes to unschooling. This would be failing to see the forest for the trees, and it would violate unschooling principles! I have discussed my understanding of unschooling as a method of education that does not separate learning from the rest of life. It is open source learning, not placing limits on learning according to time, place, or persons. Anyone in the child's life can be a teacher. Unschooling follows a child's interests and abilities, custom tailoring the education according to his or her needs.

Radical unschooling seems to have as its basic premise the extension of freedom and trust in education to other areas of life. But does this mean that there can be no limits, no rules, that the child should have everything and anything he wants, when he wants it? I think common sense alone would tell us, no.  Luckily we don't have to rely on common sense as Catholics, though. Original sin means that we have a tendency toward disorder in our desires, though we are, as creations of God, innately good. We must not fail to take either of these truths into consideration. We can also rely upon the particular trust in the Holy Spirit to guide us and our children, rather than some nebulous conception of blind trust.

Catholics do not consider immoral choices acceptable. Our freedom of choice is a freedom within limits, within the parameters of a set of definite values and guidelines established by the Church. And these are set forth for the benefit of all people and for their ultimate happiness, both in heaven and here on earth. So I can agree with Dayna that happiness should be the basic goal of education, but perhaps with a somewhat different slant. Radical unschooling for Catholics could still be possible within these boundaries, allowing for flexibility of rules, bedtimes, chores, food, etc.., which are determined according to a family's unique situation, values and principles, and depending upon such things as a child's age, maturity, personality, etc...

Radical unschooling certainly means respecting children as persons. According to Dayna, it is the path of balance, designed to meet the needs of all family members. It does not over-emphasize the rights and needs of the child. When I reflect upon my Montessori experience, the first school in which I taught was entirely child-centered and did not take into account the needs of teachers at all. This was extremely energy draining and spirit crushing.

Radical unschooling for Catholics could mean eliminating punishment. A partnership paradigm between children and adults is still possible along with the understanding that the parent is under the authority of God and teaches her children accordingly. We can establish our authority without being authoritarian. Most of all, I think it means freedom for each member of the family to be who God has created him or her to be. And it means that all families are free to be who they are. Unscripted.

Believing in Unschooling, Part 3

It appears that there are indeed Catholic families who practice radical unschooling, and they are not so dissimilar in their philosophy from non-Christian, radical unschoolers. I admit, however, that the internal struggle is still there. I vacillate from feeling the JOY of embracing unschooling and the creeping FEAR of...I don't know--the unknown? Worry about what other people will think? Worry that it won't work, and my child will "fall behind"?

It is summer, which is the perfect time to practice unschooling, when the public schools are closed and most homeschoolers are taking a break from academics. But I don't want to spend the whole summer with the spectre of what will happen in the fall haunting the back of my mind. The most logical thing to do, it seems, is to go from the known to the unknown--a basic Montessori principle. I know that my whole family is more joyful, and all of the relationships in our home have already improved, since I have increasingly focused on the ideas Dayna Martin puts forth in Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun. Just the night before last, for instance, it was getting late, and Beezy decided to rearrange her dollhouse. At first I wanted her to hurry up and put the things away so she could go to bed, but then I added, "but take your time!" She went from looking discouraged to feeling grateful. I respected her need to be doing that project at that moment, and it didn't take her long to finish.

My background as a Montessori teacher provides not only a philosophical touchstone, but a practical one; that is, how exactly might one apply Montessori principles to unschooling? Here is how it worked:  Children in my classroom would be asked if they would like a "presentation" of a particular "work", and they were free to either accept or decline. Most of the time they happily joined in the lesson. I think this approach could be successful with homeschooling lessons as well. Children naturally want to be able to do the things that they see adults and other children doing, and they enjoy having the attention of their parents.

Take a goal I have regarding the Faith. I would like to instill a routine of morning prayers and an evening Rosary. I can simply let my husband and daughter know that I am going to do these things and invite them to join me. They can either accept or decline the invitation. I do agree with unschoolers that internal motivation is much more effective in the learning process and in accomplishing anything in life in general, than the threats of punishment or disapproval hanging over one's head. Montessori used the word seduce, which in Victorian times meant to entice the child to wish to participate. The teacher sits on the floor with a project she is obviously very interested in doing, and the children will flock curiously to her side.

What do you think? I think it's an experiment worth trying, not just for the sake of the children, but for the sake of families. What if radical unschooling (which in it's best form could be called mindful parenting) could bring back the family as God intends it to be, the foundation and bedrock of a healthy, loving, thriving, peaceful, mutually supportive society? Wouldn't it be nice? Yes, but I don't think it is merely something that would be just great but is already too lost to be retrieved from the rubble.  It is possibility.  It is freedom.  It is hope.

Replacing Fear withTrust

I finished Dayna Martin's book, Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun, this afternoon. It only took me three days to read, and I passed it on to my husband. Now I have begun to re-read Suzie Andres' A Little Way of Homeschooling: Thirteen Families Discover Catholic Unschooling. Dayna speaks of her spirituality in her book but does not mention practicing a particular religion. Yet there is a common theme running through both books, which is that of trust.  Fear of the future is something Dayna has observed in parents, and it paralyzes them from being authentic and living in the present. And of course Jesus teaches complete trust in him.

In the Al-Anon 12 Step program, FEAR is the acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real.  What assumptions do we make about education, about children and parenting, based on the mainstream ideas embedded in our culture and with which most of us grew up? The traditional model is authoritarian, revolving around obedience and punishment. Dayna Martin insists that punishment of children is never necessary. Never. That thought alone is mind-blowing.

The mother of a teenage girl recently told me that her daughter struggles in school with algebra. It's the only subject in which she does not receive an A.  So is she failing this class? No, she is getting a B.  Heaven forbid! I have heard many similar stories. The pressure on kids to be perfect is fierce. And since we are trained in school and by mainstream parenting to derive our self-worth from the rewards and punishments of others, many adults never become autonomous, never learn to think for themselves, and forever depend upon the approval of someone else. When that is the case, the logical conclusion is that we fail to put our trust in God and to rely on his guidance alone. We can't believe in ourselves, either. We are perpetually crushed by the guilt of not measuring up to others' expectations, by the fear of making a mistake. Guilty simply for trying to be ourselves, the people God created us to be. The noise is so loud we can barely hear the voice of Divine Love calling us home.

Everything must be measured in mainstream thinking. When I worked as an esthetician at a day spa, there were "secret shoppers" who came in as customers and evaluated us. We did not get paid for that service unless the secret shopper granted a score of 100%!  I thought this was an unfair practice, and I told my manager as much. When I was secretly shopped, I got a perfect score. This was because I gave my best to every customer, out of internal motivation. The employees of this salon were not trusted to do their jobs well. If the motivation of the fear of being secretly shopped and punished for not measuring up really worked, then everyone would get a 100%, but they didn't.

Not being trusted is as insulting to children as it is to adults, because children are as fully persons as grown ups are. When people close to me did not trust me to be a good homeschooling parent, I was devastated. I was still relying on others for approval, and they were still functioning under an authoritarian mindset. If people are older, they think they know better, even when you grow up and have gray hair. They were never trusted, and so they can't trust you. No wonder society is so dysfunctional!

Fear, intimidation, coercion, and punishment don't work with children, and they don't work with adults. These tactics create power struggles, rebellion, and the killing of the human spirit. Dayna Martin, Suzie Andres, and other unschooling trailblazers are forging a better way, a path to joyful living and secure families. I don't agree with every position radical unschoolers take, nor do I think Dayna would expect anyone to.  She advocates following your own intuition, respecting the differences and uniqueness of others. She preaches authenticity and peace. Isn't this exactly what our suffering world needs?

Radical Unschooling

Today I bought Dayna Martin's Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun.  I found it on half.com for about $10, a much more reasonable price than what was offered on Ebay and Amazon. It wasn't available from my public library system, and my husband is done teaching at the college where he works an hour away, from which library I sometimes borrow materials. I also want to get away from obsessively researching unschooling online. I want to ween from too much computer use, so I bought the book. I have read postings by Dayna online and watched some of her youtube videos, and now I wish to delve more deeply into the subject. While I certainly don't agree entirely with her parenting philosophy, I think she is definitely onto something, and she expresses herself well in writing.

Dayna is like other radical unschoolers who allow their children unlimited media access. I believe in protecting my child's innocence and guarding her spirit against evil, so I simply can't buy into this practice. All potentially educational resources are not created equal!  For example, reading engages the entire mind, while television actually shuts down certain areas of the brain. It may be true that a child can learn from anything. The problem is in the content and other issues that may be detrimental, such as addiction to TV or video games. It's similar with food. Some foods are addictive and harmful to the body, and to me it is irresponsible to give unlimited access to toxic substances to a child.

But putting those concerns aside for the moment, a post at daynamartin.com really intrigued me, which was about unschooling vs. permissive parenting. She says that radical unschoolers are not neglectful parents and are in fact very "hands on" with their children. And she brought up attachment parenting and how she sees unschooling as an extension of this parenting style. From the beginning of Beezy's life, my husband and I practiced attachment parenting, especially as advocated by Dr. William Sears and his wife Martha, who are a pediatrician and nurse, respectively. We wore our baby in slings and other types of carriers, did not believe in the cry-it-out method of sleep training, practiced co-sleeping, fed her real, whole foods (rather than the baby food in packages), and she breastfed into the pre-school years. In fact, I coined the term, organic mothering (yes, this is my original idea!) to define and provide a continuation of attachment parenting principles for when children are older. That was the guiding force in beginning to write this blog in the first place, along with advertising my belly dance classes.

Dayna has also mentioned other terms to describe unschooling, such as organic learning. If I think of unschooling as a process by which families live in natural ways, with children learning organically through real life experiences, apprenticeships, lessons of their choosing, and via the role modeling of parents and other adults, then I am definitely an unschooler! Even during our formal "lesson time", the materials chosen are enjoyable to my child, and the Charlotte Mason methods that are used are gentle and not textbook bound. We go at our own pace, and the lesson time happens whenever it best fits into our day. Reading, writing, and math are covered, as well as living books on religious, historical, or science-oriented topics for narration. These provide the basic tools for learning about anything. The rest of the state's curriculum requirements can be covered via 4-H projects, piano lessons, and an unschooling lifestyle.

I am excited to read Dayna Martin's book and to get a more intimate picture of her family's lifestyle. While she and her husband are not Catholic homeschoolers, and therefore some of their choices may be in conflict with the Church's teachings on education, they still very obviously care deeply for each other and their children, and their goal is to live life in the fullest, most authentic ways possible, equally for both parents and children. My very favorite unschooling blog right now is called Clean., which is also not about a Christian family, but it is apparent that Rachel, the author, loves her life. I adore her photographs and was inspired to get a nice camera for Mother's Day so I can do something similar here.

We most likely are not going to find others who think and homeschool and parent exactly in the manner we do, so we can take what we like and leave the rest. When I really think about how I teach, there are many avenues to accomplishing education. Any learning being done must be done by the child, and this can happen when the home is a rich environment, when parents role model virtuous ways of living and when they follow their own passions, by the child's own discoveries and experiments, through asking and answering questions, during conversations, and by interactions in the community. And that is certainly not an exhaustive list! Guidance, role modeling, and facilitation are methods of teaching. One of the comments on Dayna's blog by a Christian mother was especially interesting, suggesting that she imagines unschooling to be the closest approximation to how people parented in biblical times.

That seems like enough food for thought for the time being. I will most certainly be reflecting on Dayna Martin's radical unschooling book in posts to come.