Homeschooling & Parental Authority

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052970204740904577196931457473816
Why French Parents Are Superior by Pamela Druckerman

I have spent a lot of time on homeschooling forums and have noticed a recurrent theme. Mothers are exhausted from fighting their children about doing lessons, so they decide to give up and try unschooling. Some unschoolers report more peaceful homes as a result, while others do not. Many times I have read about unschooling parents whose children say they hate them. Is unschooling, in the long run, truly a good antidote for rebellion in children?


Unschooling can mean different things to different people, and there is a wide spectrum regarding how much freedom children are given to make their own choices and decisions. Whether this method of homeschooling works or not depends upon who you ask. But let's just look at this question of educational lessons and children who don't wish to do them. Is it because the curriculum is boring or too easy? Is it because the child is having difficulty understanding the material? Is it because the mother herself is stressed out about it, so it isn't any fun?

Whatever the details of the resistance, there is a common denominator, which is the root of the resistance itself. Human beings are born with different temperaments, and certainly some kids are more naturally compliant than others. But as I've been saying in the last couple of posts, the core issue is the general abdication of parental authority that has seized Americans. Can you imagine the Ingalls children arguing with Ma about doing their lessons? If you read the Little House on the Prairie series, you know that Ma was kind, loving, and generous with her children. She was also strict by today's standards. Children respected their parents. And Ma and Pa respected their children as persons while at the same time expecting obedience to their authority. Was Laura Ingalls lacking in joy, creativity, or originality as a result? Was her spirit crushed? I think not.

In Chosen and Cherished, Catholic homeschooling mother Kimberly Hahn tells us this:

"How are we to fear the Lord? Psalm 112 gives us the answer: 'Praise the Lord! / Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, / who greatly delights in his commandments!' (Psalm 112:1) Like the psalmist, we worship in reverence and joy: The fear of the Lord links joy to obedience. Our children's obedience gives us a paradigm for our response to our heavenly father. At first they obey from fear of consequences. That is an acceptable motivator for a young child, especially with safety issues involved. However, we look for the mature love of a child who obeys from the heart--to please us, to honor us. This obedience flows from proper respect for us." (emphasis mine)

What a difference this is from the "partnership paradigm" of unschooling! The fear of the Lord is being linked to joy, respect, and obedience. Think about this. Even if in the short term you have a more peaceful relationship with your children because you don't "force" them to do lessons (or brush their teeth, or eat meals with their family at the table, etc...), in the long run you have created an insecure relationship. You have given up the authority given to you by God. We are supposed to role model the Christian fear of the Lord to our children. By learning to obey us, they learn to obey God.

Instead, what we have in America are parents who live in fear of the anger, disappointment, and negative behavior of their children. The bottom line is that however you are teaching your homeschooling lessons, the lessons themselves are ultimately not the problem. The problem is that you have given up your authority, or you never had any in the first place, and your child knows it. The solution is not to stop teaching lessons. If we are going to homeschool, we must be willing to try different approaches and materials until we figure out what will click best, and we have to work at the art of teaching with wisdom, faith, and patience. As Charlotte Mason advocated, develop the habit of obedience in your children and set out a bountiful feast of ideas.

If you read the article Why French Parents Are Superior linked above, you'll get some good ideas on how you can begin to establish your parental authority. It is our responsibility to do so. I am alarmed that many Catholic unschoolers have told me that unschooling is so very Catholic! How? When I hear Christian homeschoolers gushing over the likes of radical unschooling guru Sandra Dodd, it makes me cringe. It's a subtle deception that is simply not in line with the Christian parental vocation. Words like freedom, peace, and joy are being used to tempt parents away from doing the right thing. In fact, it bears a disturbing resemblance to the New Age deception that I have also been writing about.

A New Vision

In the last post, I felt compelled to put my concerns about radical unschooling philosophy and the way it is practiced on the table, without any sugar coating or regard for diplomacy. That was not to judge anyone's choice of unschooling, for I did conclude previously that Christians certainly can apply some tenets of this method within the boundaries of their faith, which to me is the truest expression of freedom, particularly in the form of Catholicism. My research has also led me to conclude that "radical" in the Catholic sense is quite different than the original, secular concept of unschooling. It has been suggested that I don't understand the philosophy, but I think that perhaps I understand it too well. I have read between the lines and found a lack of substance and a host of logical error. In practice, RU, for many but not all, tends toward unparenting, or benign neglect. Unparenting, however, can happen regardless of the educational philosophy which is employed.

I have been researching and applying unschooling philosophy and practices for the past several months, and yes, much learning happens naturally, and I fervently believe that interest-led education and the pursuit of one's passions leads to deep learning and great joy. Surely, that is God's will for our lives, to have life abundantly, as Jesus said. However, the only way I think unschooling could be sufficient is if it is done very intentionally, and if direct teaching is not thrown out the window. There has to be a partnership paradigm that is a balance of parent- and child-led education, encompassing all aspects of life, with the authority squarely in the hands of parents. Some would argue that this is not unschooling, so surely anyone can see this dilemma for the Christian parent? I am taking a sabbatical from blogging for at least this week, so everyone please have a safe and happy Independence Day. When I come back, I'm going to look at the unschooling buzzwords and the problem with semantical hair-splitting and fear mongering that I have witnessed. I trust the Holy Spirit to guide me to the bottom of the well, to discover the pure water waiting there. And I will share the bucket!

Catholic Natural Learning

Having established that I could be a radical unschooler, I have decided that this is not the best fit for my family. I have learned so much from all of the reading, talking, writing, praying, and even sometimes obsessing (who, me?) about unschooling since February. I do believe that the Spirit is leading me toward a gentler approach to parenting and homeschooling. Mostly, I think I am being called to more fully engage life. To follow passions and make relationships a top priority. To avoid doing things because I should. To experience more joy.

Those things of which I have written about unschooling that resonate with me are the same ideas that attracted me to Montessori and Charlotte Mason. Many adults that I personally know are disrespectful toward children. I am guilty too, and this is the biggest thing that I want to change. Following my natural rhythms, and giving my child the opportunity to discover hers--this is important. But freedom without limits is nonsense.

The Virgin Mary is my role model exemplar as a wife, mother, and disciple of Jesus. With her guidance, intercession, blessings, grace, and protection, I cannot fail. She knows best the will of Jesus for my life. Jesus and Mary know what is best for my family, and I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit has and will continue to light my way.

All along I have defined Catholic unschooling as a uniting of the Faith, life, and learning into a seamless whole. How that is accomplished will be unique to each family. The concern I have is that "unschooling" is the negation of school. It is "not school". That doesn't give me something solid to embrace. If unschoolers are living as if school does not exist, why use the word school in the description at all? Life learning, natural learning, and organic learning are some examples of a worldview similar to unschooling, but without the baggage. Without the rigidity of "thou shall nots".

So I am taking a break from books and internet searches on the subject of unschooling. I have done my studying, and it is time to get back to making the Catholic faith the center of day-to-day living. I think I'll ditch coffee while I'm at it. Unschooling has given me the permission to free myself and my family from unnecessary shackles. Jesus said, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." I owe unschooling a debt of gratitude, for it led me to my "little way of the fleur de lis".  My home is a domestic church, and our educational lifestyle is Catholic Natural Learning.

Unschooling Principles

"The principles of unschooling are that humans are born learners. That children will learn best when given the freedom to learn what, when and how they want.

That doesn't, of course, tell anyone what to do. Principles are what help us decide which choices support our philosophy and which choices run counter to it.

Some people hear the unschooling principles and see them as limiting, as preventing them from doing what they feel is best or want to do and equate that with being closed-minded. But we all have guiding principles that limit our choices to the choices that we feel are right. If we didn't have principles it would be okay to shoot our neighbor for running his table saw at 6AM on Saturdays! But we voluntarily limit our choices of solutions to that problem because we recognize that some of them violate our principles. (Or values or ethics or philosophy or get in the way of our goals in life.)"   --from the blog, Joyfully Rejoicing

 making "grass angels"

It looks like anything you might want to know about unschooling, and any question you might have, is covered at Joyfully Rejoicing. I recommend just looking at a few tidbits at a time and letting the unschooling philosophy slowly sink in.  The above explanation was an "aha" moment for me.  I was indeed feeling that some unschoolers are closed-minded and not thinking for themselves, just parroting someone else's ideas about unschooling. They seem rigid rather than joyful, refusing to continue going deeper, which defeats the whole point.

Dayna Martin actually covers this in her Radical Unschooling book as part of the journey in understanding the process. Some people may get stuck in that rigid spot and get discouraged, even give up on the whole idea. And unfortunately their policing may adversely affect others.  Dayna commented on the Whole Life Unschooling Facebook group that there is no such thing as "fully RU".  We are always on the journey, and it will look different for every family.

Radical unschoolers live by principles rather than rules, but there will likely be specific rules which naturally follow from one's principles. The principle of respect for one's environment as well as considerations of safety lead to a "no running in the house" rule in my home.  The extension of unschooling principles in education to all other areas of life means respecting the wants, needs, and personhood of children within each family's individual principles. Gentleness is an overriding goal. We don't want to be constantly questioning whether every little thing we say and do is "RU" (Radical Unschooling). That would not be authentic parenting.

If I say that we are Catholic unschoolers in my family, that means that the Faith not only permeates educational considerations, but that it informs every area of life. And it means that our Catholicism is radical, or "from the root".  We can be radical unschoolers, because this means that we follow unschooling principles within the peaceful borders (my designation for limits or boundaries) of our Faith.  It could even be argued that the moniker "radical" is redundant, because it is already implied by the label of Catholic unschooling. In fact, catholic literally means "universal".  Our definition of Truth and Freedom may be different from other radical unschoolers, but the point is living joyfully and in respectful partnership with our children according to our Truth, not someone else's.  It means living in Freedom by our own lights, shining within the brighter light of Christ.

Life, Unscripted.

One great thing that Dayna Martin addresses in her Radical Unschooling book is that there is no radical unschooling script. First let's consider that sometimes it does help to have a few useful phrases on the tip of one's tongue. In conflict situations in the Montessori classroom, for example, we taught the kids to begin with, "I don't like it when you..."  I felt like I got free assertiveness training along with my teacher education! I found that the same things that worked with young children worked with drunk men in bars. "I don't like it when you (name the offense)," was met with amazement and a cloudy understanding. Oh, women don't like that! Good to know. You could see the wheels turning. But I feel that to be authentic, one shouldn't be a walking, pat response. Using someone else's parenting style or scripted lingo will feel uncomfortable and false to both you and your children.

If unschooling results in a one-size-fits-all method of parenting, it is no better than mainstream patterns of punishment, abuse of authority, coercion, or generic curriculum use. In other words, there should be no "unschooling police", no bossiness about what you absolutely can and cannot do when it comes to unschooling. This would be failing to see the forest for the trees, and it would violate unschooling principles! I have discussed my understanding of unschooling as a method of education that does not separate learning from the rest of life. It is open source learning, not placing limits on learning according to time, place, or persons. Anyone in the child's life can be a teacher. Unschooling follows a child's interests and abilities, custom tailoring the education according to his or her needs.

Radical unschooling seems to have as its basic premise the extension of freedom and trust in education to other areas of life. But does this mean that there can be no limits, no rules, that the child should have everything and anything he wants, when he wants it? I think common sense alone would tell us, no.  Luckily we don't have to rely on common sense as Catholics, though. Original sin means that we have a tendency toward disorder in our desires, though we are, as creations of God, innately good. We must not fail to take either of these truths into consideration. We can also rely upon the particular trust in the Holy Spirit to guide us and our children, rather than some nebulous conception of blind trust.

Catholics do not consider immoral choices acceptable. Our freedom of choice is a freedom within limits, within the parameters of a set of definite values and guidelines established by the Church. And these are set forth for the benefit of all people and for their ultimate happiness, both in heaven and here on earth. So I can agree with Dayna that happiness should be the basic goal of education, but perhaps with a somewhat different slant. Radical unschooling for Catholics could still be possible within these boundaries, allowing for flexibility of rules, bedtimes, chores, food, etc.., which are determined according to a family's unique situation, values and principles, and depending upon such things as a child's age, maturity, personality, etc...

Radical unschooling certainly means respecting children as persons. According to Dayna, it is the path of balance, designed to meet the needs of all family members. It does not over-emphasize the rights and needs of the child. When I reflect upon my Montessori experience, the first school in which I taught was entirely child-centered and did not take into account the needs of teachers at all. This was extremely energy draining and spirit crushing.

Radical unschooling for Catholics could mean eliminating punishment. A partnership paradigm between children and adults is still possible along with the understanding that the parent is under the authority of God and teaches her children accordingly. We can establish our authority without being authoritarian. Most of all, I think it means freedom for each member of the family to be who God has created him or her to be. And it means that all families are free to be who they are. Unscripted.

Believing in Unschooling, Part 3

It appears that there are indeed Catholic families who practice radical unschooling, and they are not so dissimilar in their philosophy from non-Christian, radical unschoolers. I admit, however, that the internal struggle is still there. I vacillate from feeling the JOY of embracing unschooling and the creeping FEAR of...I don't know--the unknown? Worry about what other people will think? Worry that it won't work, and my child will "fall behind"?

It is summer, which is the perfect time to practice unschooling, when the public schools are closed and most homeschoolers are taking a break from academics. But I don't want to spend the whole summer with the spectre of what will happen in the fall haunting the back of my mind. The most logical thing to do, it seems, is to go from the known to the unknown--a basic Montessori principle. I know that my whole family is more joyful, and all of the relationships in our home have already improved, since I have increasingly focused on the ideas Dayna Martin puts forth in Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun. Just the night before last, for instance, it was getting late, and Beezy decided to rearrange her dollhouse. At first I wanted her to hurry up and put the things away so she could go to bed, but then I added, "but take your time!" She went from looking discouraged to feeling grateful. I respected her need to be doing that project at that moment, and it didn't take her long to finish.

My background as a Montessori teacher provides not only a philosophical touchstone, but a practical one; that is, how exactly might one apply Montessori principles to unschooling? Here is how it worked:  Children in my classroom would be asked if they would like a "presentation" of a particular "work", and they were free to either accept or decline. Most of the time they happily joined in the lesson. I think this approach could be successful with homeschooling lessons as well. Children naturally want to be able to do the things that they see adults and other children doing, and they enjoy having the attention of their parents.

Take a goal I have regarding the Faith. I would like to instill a routine of morning prayers and an evening Rosary. I can simply let my husband and daughter know that I am going to do these things and invite them to join me. They can either accept or decline the invitation. I do agree with unschoolers that internal motivation is much more effective in the learning process and in accomplishing anything in life in general, than the threats of punishment or disapproval hanging over one's head. Montessori used the word seduce, which in Victorian times meant to entice the child to wish to participate. The teacher sits on the floor with a project she is obviously very interested in doing, and the children will flock curiously to her side.

What do you think? I think it's an experiment worth trying, not just for the sake of the children, but for the sake of families. What if radical unschooling (which in it's best form could be called mindful parenting) could bring back the family as God intends it to be, the foundation and bedrock of a healthy, loving, thriving, peaceful, mutually supportive society? Wouldn't it be nice? Yes, but I don't think it is merely something that would be just great but is already too lost to be retrieved from the rubble.  It is possibility.  It is freedom.  It is hope.

Replacing Fear withTrust

I finished Dayna Martin's book, Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun, this afternoon. It only took me three days to read, and I passed it on to my husband. Now I have begun to re-read Suzie Andres' A Little Way of Homeschooling: Thirteen Families Discover Catholic Unschooling. Dayna speaks of her spirituality in her book but does not mention practicing a particular religion. Yet there is a common theme running through both books, which is that of trust.  Fear of the future is something Dayna has observed in parents, and it paralyzes them from being authentic and living in the present. And of course Jesus teaches complete trust in him.

In the Al-Anon 12 Step program, FEAR is the acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real.  What assumptions do we make about education, about children and parenting, based on the mainstream ideas embedded in our culture and with which most of us grew up? The traditional model is authoritarian, revolving around obedience and punishment. Dayna Martin insists that punishment of children is never necessary. Never. That thought alone is mind-blowing.

The mother of a teenage girl recently told me that her daughter struggles in school with algebra. It's the only subject in which she does not receive an A.  So is she failing this class? No, she is getting a B.  Heaven forbid! I have heard many similar stories. The pressure on kids to be perfect is fierce. And since we are trained in school and by mainstream parenting to derive our self-worth from the rewards and punishments of others, many adults never become autonomous, never learn to think for themselves, and forever depend upon the approval of someone else. When that is the case, the logical conclusion is that we fail to put our trust in God and to rely on his guidance alone. We can't believe in ourselves, either. We are perpetually crushed by the guilt of not measuring up to others' expectations, by the fear of making a mistake. Guilty simply for trying to be ourselves, the people God created us to be. The noise is so loud we can barely hear the voice of Divine Love calling us home.

Everything must be measured in mainstream thinking. When I worked as an esthetician at a day spa, there were "secret shoppers" who came in as customers and evaluated us. We did not get paid for that service unless the secret shopper granted a score of 100%!  I thought this was an unfair practice, and I told my manager as much. When I was secretly shopped, I got a perfect score. This was because I gave my best to every customer, out of internal motivation. The employees of this salon were not trusted to do their jobs well. If the motivation of the fear of being secretly shopped and punished for not measuring up really worked, then everyone would get a 100%, but they didn't.

Not being trusted is as insulting to children as it is to adults, because children are as fully persons as grown ups are. When people close to me did not trust me to be a good homeschooling parent, I was devastated. I was still relying on others for approval, and they were still functioning under an authoritarian mindset. If people are older, they think they know better, even when you grow up and have gray hair. They were never trusted, and so they can't trust you. No wonder society is so dysfunctional!

Fear, intimidation, coercion, and punishment don't work with children, and they don't work with adults. These tactics create power struggles, rebellion, and the killing of the human spirit. Dayna Martin, Suzie Andres, and other unschooling trailblazers are forging a better way, a path to joyful living and secure families. I don't agree with every position radical unschoolers take, nor do I think Dayna would expect anyone to.  She advocates following your own intuition, respecting the differences and uniqueness of others. She preaches authenticity and peace. Isn't this exactly what our suffering world needs?

Believing in Unschooling, Part 2

Continuing with the discussion on reading from Part 1, I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I had known more about unschooling and had let the process develop organically. Everything was going fine in the beginning. I took my cues from Beezy, answering her questions about what letter a word started with. I would tell her both the sound and letter name. We had Leap Frog alphabet refrigerator magnets, and we used Montessori sandpaper letters and shaving cream tracing for learning the sounds with lower case letters. I disagree with those who advocate starting with capitals, because most of the text we read is in lower case. Making words with letter tiles and blending letters together to sound words out was fun.

Then I hit a road block with the beginning readers I could find, because they used so many sight words which could not be sounded out. A friend suggested BOB books from Scholastic, which use small, phonetic words (3 or 4 letters), and only gradually add a few sight words. This is the part where I feel guilty. Things started out promising with these books, but then there were issues. Beezy struggled so much with sounding words out. She did progress, though slowly and painstakingly, and I became frustrated. I made her read for too long at first, but eventually I realized, thanks to Charlotte Mason, that lessons should be short; so Beezy only had to read half a book at a time. Even so, reading became not so fun for either of us.

However, I did not continue what was clearly not working. The BOB books were not only uninteresting, but the pictures were horrible, and Beezy's artistic sensibilities were terribly insulted. As I have written before, I finally pulled out our 12 book set of Dick and Jane readers, and she loved them! Allelujah!! I don't care what anyone says about Dick and Jane being dumbed down and repetitive. The repetition worked for Beezy, and finally her reading skills took off. The pictures are great, and somehow, inexplicably, the stories were engaging. Never question God's grace--just go with it. From there I found the Ginn readers from the same era on Ebay, so we have been able to continue along with books that are similar in style to Dick and Jane, with increasing levels of difficulty. For a long time I still required phonetic words to be sounded out and would simply tell Beezy what sight words said. Once I was bitten by the unschooling bug, I understood the rationale for not forcing the painful experience of making her sound out the words. But like I said, I began to doubt the process.

I think that since Beezy can sound out words well enough, I should have her do more reading to herself. She can come to me if she doesn't know a word. If I'm not sitting right beside her, she will likely figure most words out on her own. Too much hovering is a bad thing. A couple of weeks ago Beezy told me that her piano teacher got a phone call during her lesson, and Beezy said she played so much better without her teacher watching her! She told me the same thing during practice yesterday at home. I will try just getting her started and then leave the room to let her practice. More and more I see the wisdom in not interfering too much in the child's learning process.

Unschooled children learn to read when they are ready. They may ask to learn to read or do it spontaneously at any age--4, 8, or 10--and suffer no ill effects from either learning early or late. They end up being avid, proficient readers. I proceeded with teaching reading when I did, because Beezy showed readiness in learning letter sounds. She was asking for help, so I don't think we started the basics too soon. But what if, when the BOB books were not working, I had simply backed off reading lessons and waited to see if Beezy would figure it out on her own? Or if I had just left reading alone for a few months and then come back to it? At least as a homeschooling mother, I had the time and the interest to try different things until I found something that worked. I trusted my intuition.

I still worry. That's a mom's job to a certain extent. We need to trust in the guidance of the Holy Spirit, though, and rest with confidence under Mary's mantle. She holds our children there too.

Our Lady of Guadalupe with Child

And the Cat Came Back...

My neighborhood swarms with cats, and it's impossible to tell how many have homes but are outdoor cats versus which are strays. Sometimes they hold conferences at my house, all facing each other in a circle. One time Beezy and I went out on the porch to see about 7 of them having a meeting, and they all simultaneously turned their heads to stare at us. It was evidently a private meeting! And it was creepy...

Beezy is friends with many of these felines, and I wasn't thinking, when I told her we could do reading outside today, that the kitties prancing through the yard would be a bit distracting. It is spring, after all, which means mating season; but they stop to be fed and petted while they are on the prowl. Since my daughter is passionate about animals, I can't exactly tell her to ignore these visitors. We managed to do vocabulary for religion, copy work (the Sanctus from the liturgy), and reading today, which wasn't too bad considering it is Friday, which is often a light day of schoolwork anyway. Now that cats and warmer weather have come back, I will have to be extra diligent to keep Beezy on task. Luckily, due to my research on unschooling during Lent, perhaps I will be able to relax and look at the big picture of learning--daffodils blossoming in the yard (and Beezy knows their name!), visits with cats and cousins and grandparents and friends, 4-H meetings, and even Monster High church are part of the education of life.

Yes, you read that right--the Monster High dolls go to Mass, complete with music, bread (cardboard cut-up host) and wine (red yarn mixed into water), an altar, pews, altar servers, and Deuce acting as priest ("because he's the only boy," and he wears Prince Eric's suit for vestments). Beezy came up with this on her own one night at bedtime, and I hear her chanting "the mystery of faith" when she plays. Evidently my child pays attention at Mass and has absorbed the goings on. This too is Catholic curriculum!

Keeping It Catholic: Charlotte Mason Red Flag

“Every education teaches a philosophy; if not by dogma then by suggestion, by implication, by atmosphere. Every part of that education has a connection with every other part. If it does not all combine to convey some general view of life, it is not education at all” (G.K. Chesterton, The Common Man).

My Keeping It Catholic homeschooling guide, by Marianna Bartold, finally arrived! As I mentioned before, she red flagged both Charlotte Mason and Maria Montessori. I have read the whole CM portion (her objections to Montessori are basically identical), and the author makes what appears to be a fair argument for cautioning against some aspects of Mason's worldview. Her reasoning is based on the perceived evidence that Mason's philosophy is too laced with heresies such as rationalism and naturalism, and is inspired largely by the Enlightenment figure, Jean Jacques Rousseau. One should be aware of these issues, by reading Mason's own words, Bartold suggests. (Note: Having now read a significant amount of CM's writings, I have found none of those heresies suggested by Bartold nor any infatuation with Rousseau.)


The good news is that the methods used by Charlotte Mason which I like, such as living books, narration, and copy work, were actually borrowed from classical education. Bartold herself says that the classical method can be applied to any worldview, be it Catholic, Protestant, atheist, etc... In and of themselves, then, the educational methods used by Charlotte Mason are not problematic. Furthermore, she understood children and how to effectively teach them. Scholasticism is the Catholic philosophical application of classicism. Since this is all new to me, I'm going to have to read the whole volume and come back to distill what I have learned.

What about unschooling? It is not mentioned in this volume in the Red Flags section. However, Bartold does object to the idea she perceives in the CM method that the teacher is only a facilitator of the child's education, which is a belief embraced by some unschoolers. (I did not, however, get the impression that Mason actually thought this way in my own readings.) Child-led learning is said to be the inheritance of Rousseau's influence, so it is perceived negatively. The idea that children naturally desire to learn is denied, a point on which I vehemently disagree with Bartold. She understands John Holt to have been an atheist, but I have no idea whether that is true.  

My idea of Catholic unschooling, as I have put it forth, is that the parents must actively teach their children along with the child-led, auto-education (self-teaching). Merely "strewing" educational materials in the hopes that one's children will find them and be interested is simply not adequate. Radical versions of unschooling do not fit with the parental vocation. In my opinion, there is certainly room for interest-led learning and a relaxed, gentle approach, but the education of the child in every area of life, including academics, is the primary responsibility of Catholic parents. The child cannot be left largely to his own devices in that case.  

What I argue along with other unschoolers is that the "traditional" means used in public schools need not apply in acquiring an excellent education. So can I, in good conscience, be a "Catholic unschooler"? According to my definition, yes, I think so. This is true especially since Bartold thoroughly covers various learning styles and the four basic human temperaments and advocates that the parenting/teaching style should correspond to the child's individual needs. Custom-designing the education is thereby encouraged, which also fits in with an unschooling mindset.

On that note, look again at the quote by C.K. Chesterton. According to what he said, it logically follows that a child cannot get what qualifies as a true education, according to a Catholic conscience, in the public schools. The general view of life espoused in the schools is secular humanism, a religion at odds with any form of Christianity and many other faith traditions. For the Catholic parent, this leaves only the options of homeschooling or a Catholic school. If public schooling is absolutely unavoidable, then Catholic parents have to be even more diligent in countering the ill effects and in firmly establishing the Faith as central to the child's education. It seems to me that this would be a nearly insurmountable task, but with God all things are possible. The challenge for the homeschooler is to keep it Catholic, for the Faith to permeate the entire education.

Bartold lists St. John Bosco as a good source for Catholic educational philosophy and methods, who is also designated as an inspiration for Catholic unschoolers in Suzie Andres' books. So since I have much more reading to do, I think it's time to take a hiatus on the subject for now. Have a blessed Holy Week, everyone! Next time you hear from me I will be a bona fide Catholic!!

Discerning the Child's Needs

Beezy is sick and has been running a fever since Saturday. Thankfully we are going to the doctor this afternoon. It has got me to thinking about how different I can be toward my child when her needs are so clear:  cold medicine, herbal tea, saline nasal spray, tissues, good books to read to her, movies to watch, Tylenol, and lots of tender loving care. When she is ill I am gentler, more aware of what I need to do to help her.

More often I think adults react to children without taking a moment to be mindful of their underlying needs. Our culture focuses more on disciplining behaviors that are determined (often arbitrarily) to be undesirable. When a child is throwing a tantrum, or hitting someone, or running through the house, the automatic response is to punish the behavior, to scold (and therefore humiliate) the offender. My experience with Al-Anon, a support group for friends and family members of alcoholics, gives me valuable insight and a different response. This is the practice of the acronym HALT, which originated in AA. If you are feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, you are to halt what you are doing and take care of that need in a healthy way, therefore lessening the chance that you will drink (or if you are the loved one of the alcoholic, before it can manifest in some other self-destructive behavior).

In a similar way, when a child is out of sorts we adults need to HALT for him. Is the child hungry, angry, lonely or tired? When Beezy was much younger, she would become overstimulated in large groups of people. Her dad and I could sense when this was happening, and we knew it was time to leave the party, street fair, or whatever crowded place we were in before she had a meltdown. Other hidden needs might be to feel included, to be paid attention to, to have some one-on-one time, to go outside and release some energy, to be comforted, to be accepted. There is always a need underlying the behavior, and the primary goal ought to be to meet that need, not to simply stop the behavior (or worse, punish the child for it). When the needs of children are discerned, the appropriate action can then be determined, which may indeed include a natural consequence such as a time out, having a toy or privilege removed, or making an apology. The adults in the situation may very well be contributing to the unacceptable behavior, and we need to take responsibility for our part in the problem. Is our own hunger, anger, loneliness, or sleep deprivation, or other problems such as grief and depression, coloring our view of the child?

There is also the issue of expectations. Not everyone has the same ideas regarding what is or is not acceptable behavior, or about what the natural consequences should be. For example, I imagine that there could be a large gap between how an unschooling parent sees and handles behavior issues, and how more traditionally minded people view them. Generation gaps, religious beliefs, and pop psychology are other possible influences. This is why observation of children is so important. This is why the adult needs to HALT before reacting to a child, before judging and making assumptions. Lording over children is disrespectful toward them. It is failing to see Christ in the child, and to me that is unacceptable behavior.

When I was in my Montessori teacher training, we actually had classes specifically on how to observe the child. We even took a field trip to the zoo to document in writing the actions of the animals in minutest detail. We did not draw conclusions; we just objectively watched and recorded what we saw. It requires more of the adult to be an intent observer, to objectively evaluate what is really going on with a child and to adequately meet her underlying needs. It is easier to blame the child, or if he isn't yours, to blame his parents or his teachers. They may be contributing to the issue, but when has blame ever solved a problem?

What I hope to gain from pursuing Catholic unschooling is a better relationship with my child; in fact, I think all of the relationships in my home will benefit from this approach to learning and life. When I become impatient or frustrated or distracted, I want to remind myself to be present in the moment, to really see my child as the amazing person and beautiful soul that she is. I want to extend the gentleness to her that I do when she is sick, at all other times.

Unschooling--Freedom within Limits

Maria Montessori's philosophy of "freedom within limits" is a wonderful guiding logo for the homeschooling family. Especially for Catholic unschoolers, or unschoolers of any faith tradition that recognizes the vocation of parents as the primary educators of their children, this concept provides the understanding of supplying healthy boundaries within which they can learn and grow. The Catholic Church's magisterium, or teaching office, gives guidance through the catechism and encyclicals to help parents find this balance between respecting children as persons and giving them the freedom to learn according to their own, internal guidance and interests, while outwardly directing them in the way they should go. In a Montessori classroom, the teacher is called a Directress (or a Director if male). If I think of my job this way, as the Directress of our domestic church, providing a rich environment for child-led learning, offering my help in a relaxed manner, then we can have both a flexible structure and the freedom to allow the day to unfold in the simple act of living.

www.feedingthesoil.com

Unschooling Red Flag

I'd rather have dentures than horrible memories of a parent forcing me to brush my teeth. 

I found this quote in an online article, "Beginning Unschooling: Some Ideas"(sandradodd.com/beginning).  I think if I spent any time directly commenting on this, it would be giving the sentiment a certain validation, so I will not.  It stands on its own to illustrate my concerns about adopting the term unschooling. I realize that not all forms of unschooling are so radical, but the unfortunate truth is that people who think such things are out there, and this is the impression many people have of what unschooling is all about. That Sandra Dodd, a leading name in unschooling, allowed this idea onto her page says "red flag" to me.

An underlying part of the unschooling philosophy is that children know what they need. Sometimes they do. We have all heard a child say, "I need to go to the potty." We have also all known a child so tired she could barely stand, who would not admit needing to go to bed. As an adult there have been more times than I want to remember when I didn't know what I needed or how to find what I needed. It would be inexcusable neglect not to directly guide a child toward what he needs, in fact, to insist upon it  (like taking him to the bathroom sink to brush his teeth!--ok, I couldn't resist after all...).

Which brings me to the whole teaching question. I have a book by John Holt called Teach Your Own. Clearly Holt was not against teaching if he used the word "teach" in the title of his book in this way. I may be going out on a limb here, but from the three books by Holt I have read, I do not believe that he would discourage any parent from showing a child how to brush his teeth properly and then following through to make sure it became a good habit, two to three times a day. My husband pointed out that radical unschooling is the flip side of the one-size-fits-all, authoritarian school model. In the case of radical unschooling, all children are still treated exactly the same, as if they were not individuals with varying needs.

What Holt advocated was that adults closely observe children to know them extremely well and therefore be able to determine how best to help them thrive. He emphasized guidance and facilitation as the chief methods of teaching, setting a good example for children to follow, and allowing as much self-directed learning as is reasonably possible. He was not even entirely against using some traditional schooling methods in those cases where they worked well for the child. He did not, however, establish a clear, systematic method of education. He used homeschooling and unschooling interchangeably and did not advocate any particular method, aside from teaching children in a way that corresponds with how they naturally learn. I think we can see the potential problem here. Unlike Montessori and Charlotte Mason, with their clearly formulated philosophies and practices, unschooling based on John Holt can easily result in muddied water.

So if I add the foundation of the Catholic faith to my unschooling, would the water then be clear? Maybe. After reading Suzie Andres' books, I think the water is certainly much less grainy. Still, after getting through the thirteen essays in A Little Way of Homeschooling, I was left with an unsatisfyingly vague impression of how this works. I enjoyed reading the stories of these unschooling families, and perhaps I should read the book again and see if it sinks in a little better. All of these parents were very active in the education of their children and did not strike me as "radical".  Interestingly, the essays of those who employed other methods in tandem with their unschooling did not seem much different in substance from those who were supposedly "pure" unschoolers, leading me to believe that what we really have here in some cases is a form of relaxed homeschooling, which overlaps in some places with unschooling.

What disturbs me is that there are those Catholics who call themselves radical unschoolers, which in my opinion is a contradiction in terms. Radical unschooling is diametrically opposed to the Church's teachings on the education of children, and I certainly do not want to be identified with such parents. I imagine this is Holly Pierlot's concern with Catholics using the label of unschooling as well. For those who like this term and have clearly delineated what it does and does not mean for themselves, it is certainly not my place to say that they should not use it. I think that the purest definition of unschooling, the one that Holt intended, is simply learning in an open source manner, without the traditional school building and the methods employed therein which do not reflect how children naturally learn. Many forms of homeschooling could rightly be called unschooling!

Unfortunately, though, some took unschooling for a ride on a runaway train, and their children are the derailed victims. Because of the seriousness of the implications of the "radical" approach, I have deep misgivings about adopting the word, even with putting Catholic in front of it, and even if I know without confusion what I mean by it. The jury is still out, but it would be irresponsible of me not to seriously consider these red flags. I do believe that the Holy Spirit is guiding me in a new direction, and that some of the tenets attributed to unschooling are useful and inspiring; but perhaps in the end I will be the fish that notices the nice bait, but also the hook, and swims on by to find more enriching fare.

A Mother's Rule of Life

I am currently reading Holly Pierlot's A Mother's Rule of Life.  The premise of the book is taking the concept of a religious rule, such as nuns practice, and applying it to the vocation of a woman as wife and mother.  I love the idea of what I do as a vocation, which I have written about before.  Holly writes about being a Catholic homeschooling mother of five and how she brought order, and therefore peace, to her daily round.  She goes beyond developing a schedule to live by and extends the structure of her days into a deeper spiritual purpose.  Though she is not a fan of unschooling, I think that since I am on my own path to bringing greater meaning to the life of myself and my family, Holly's ideas will be a blessing.  I am already inspired to begin spring cleaning (including my email inbox)! The groundhog did promise an early spring, after all.

I want my days to flow within the framework of a flexible schedule.  Since I only have one child, I don't feel that I need every block of time sectioned out like Holly's. Once housework is caught up on and a system is in place to keep things in order, I can begin the bigger tasks of cleaning out closets and working on home projects. I know, we have visited this territory before, have we not? Yes, and we will need to come back to it twice a year, every spring and fall. We need to regularly re-evaluate what is working well, what isn't, and how to create the change we desire.

I spoke at length to my husband about unschooling, and he finally watched Astra Taylor's youtube video. We are on the same page about not wanting to be "radical" unschoolers. He pointed out that I have basically already been unschooling to a certain extent and thinks I should continue with Montessori and Charlotte Mason as a basis for the more formal lesson times. Because of some of the unschooling practices that we don't want to be associated with, such as letting children make all their own decisions, not only about what they will learn and when, but in every other area of life, he is hesitant to say that what we do is unschooling. I certainly agree that many people, especially in the homeschooling community, have very negative impressions about unschooling, and I don't want to misrepresent what we do. But I think that putting a qualifier in front of it, such as the word Catholic, would help correct any misapprehension.

By definition, Catholic unschooling requires that parents are actively involved in the faith formation of their children and in instilling good habits, morals, self-discipline, and responsibility. Children cannot be left to "self-regulate" or be allowed limitless access to TV, the computer, video games, technology, etc... I suppose there may be some Catholic unschoolers who give their children too much freedom in this way, but in that case they are not fulfilling the duties of their parental vocation and so are really practicing a secular version of unschooling.

On the other side of the coin, Montessori, Charlotte Mason, and John Holt all, in their own way, agree that the teacher/parent should not overly interfere in the learning of children, that much learning should be auto-educative, and that children should have a great deal of freedom in choosing those activities which most interest them. The adult can do some direct teaching but focuses mainly on facilitating the child's learning, whether that means answering questions, having conversations, locating the necessary resources, going places in the community, setting up lessons, or teaching specific skills when asked.

The Catholic Church's Mass schedule and the liturgical year provide a seasonal framework for ordering one's days, so Catholic unschooling will have a basic, intrinsic structure in this regard. Especially once Beezy and I are both taking Holy Communion, I want to add Wednesday morning Mass in addition to the usual Sunday morning (or Saturday evening). Praying the Rosary together and reading the associated Bible mysteries (stories) will be part of our curriculum. Doing copy work of Rosary and other prayers, as well as hymns and songs from Mass, and memorization of daily liturgical Bible readings will provide some of the practice of copy work and recitation. Right now Beezy has piano lessons on Mondays and religious education classes at church on Wednesday evenings, as well as regular play dates, so those activities also provide structure.

In general, I will apply the Montessori method to our Catholic unschooling by way of following the child and giving choices; role modeling desired behaviors and attitudes; encouraging practical life skills; a carefully prepared home environment that facilitates self-teaching and exploration of ideas; and close observation of the child to see who she is as a person, how best she learns, and what she is most interested in doing. From Charlotte Mason we will continue with living books and narration, keeping a nature journal, hand crafts, and spending time in the natural world and gardening. Since workbooks for math and phonics work well for us, we'll continue to use them, and we will take full advantage of library and online resources. I think this will all come together organically in a balanced system of learning and living in natural ways.

Easing into the Little Way of Unschooling

I am currently reading Homeschooling with Gentleness: A Catholic Discovers Unschooling by Suzie Andres. I am mostly convinced that Catholics can, in good conscience, unschool. But doing this is harder said than done. Our lesson time started out well today. Beezy finished a chapter in her Ginn reader and enjoyed the story. Then she completed her Hail Mary copy work just fine. I read the end of a novel to her, The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making, which by the way was quite good. I took a shower and got myself together while Beezy worked on her room, straightening up her things throughout the house, and putting stuff where it belongs.

Beezy did a math workbook page. Then came her piano theory homework, and I started to get impatient trying to keep her on task. Her teacher recommends only 15 minutes of practice a day, and I didn't want to run over, so I felt pressured (by myself, really) to hurry her along. We ended up spending 20 minutes on it. Is this really an issue? Why not just do the work until it seems that she is ready to be done, whether that takes 10 minutes or half an hour? I forgot to follow the child. Sorry, Maria Montessori!

While we were doing the piano homework, my husband came along and said a library book could not be renewed, so then I felt pressured to get the book read and narrated, even though what I said to him is that we did not have to rush to get it back. We have teacher library cards, which means that we don't accumulate fines on overdue books. Surely the person requesting, Don't Ride the Bus on Monday could wait a day or two? But against my own wisdom, I read this wonderful Rosa Parks story and enjoyed it less than I might have if I had picked it up when I felt more relaxed. Beezy would most likely have enjoyed it better too. She was noticeably fidgety at this time, so I sent her out to walk the dog in the middle of the book. When it was finished, she gave a creative narration that reminded me of a "spoken word" poem. She got a little carried away at the end, but I resisted my urge to tell her not to be so silly during her narration. I also did not use my plan book or check anything off. So plus points given for Mommio, and other points taken away! I know, progress, not perfection.

Collage Style Catholic Unschooling

We did get to lesson time today, after Beezy's homeschool friend left. She read three pages aloud to me from her Ginn reader, On Cherry Street. I usually have her read at least two pages, and this evening she wanted to read a third. I read a chapter to her from Little Town on the Prairie, which she narrated Charlotte Mason style. Then she did copy work from the Hail Mary prayer. Her dad came home in the midst of this bearing a new Monster High doll, so lesson time ended, and we had dinner.

Considering again Holly Pierlot's objections to Catholic homeschoolers adopting the use of the term unschooling, I think her point about John Holt's educational theories being secular and perhaps opposed to the Catholic parental vocation are valid. However, I will need to revisit his writings in more depth, because I'm not certain that what he advocated was anti-teaching. Certainly he was against a coercive, one size fits all, institutionalized schooling situation. But from what I have read from Catholic unschoolers, they are able to take the ideas of John Holt and apply them from within the domestic church.

The open source style of learning can incorporate faith formation; lessons of the child's choosing, such as piano or dance; apprenticeships; any curriculum that is useful and fits the child's needs; chores and family responsibilities; varying degrees of structure, etc... The direct teaching of skills such as reading is not frowned upon if children do not pick them up naturally, nor is formal work required by the parents forbidden. A common theme is that there is no timetable for when to learn any particular thing, and there is no rigid establishment of what is important for all children to learn. Learning is individualized, largely driven by a child's interests and each family's values.

In addition to John Holt, the names that most commonly come up on the path to unschooling are Maria Montessori and Charlotte Mason. Classical Catholic education is also often utilized in an unschooling approach. The key seems to be that parents and children are not slaves to a commercial curriculum and the daily checking off of items completed. Segue style learning, which I have written about before, is an approach of following an organic process of making connections between ideas, experiences and subject matter--the science of relations about which Charlotte Mason wrote. Learning is not compartmentalized from the rest of life. By "collage style" I mean that you take what you like from any number of sources and use whatever fits your family best, producing a customized education for each child that promotes faith, self-discipline, useful life skills, and an authentic human character.

In future posts I will flesh this collage style of Catholic unschooling out, giving ideas for a basic format and implementation of such a prospect. I will also incorporate the teachings of Therese of Lisieux and John Bosco, who are called upon as patron saints for Catholic unschoolers, as well as the writings of other notables of the faith such as Pope John Paul II.

St. Therese

Home (Un?) Schooling, Relaxed Catholic Charlotte Mason Style

"Relaxed Catholic Charlotte Mason" is a rather wordy way to explain my homeschooling style, but it will have to do right now, while I am in a phase of re-evaluating, re-defining, and setting a new course. I know what Romeo (or was it Juliet?) said about a rose by any other name smelling as sweet, but in the end it really did matter that he was a Montague and she a Capulet.

Charlotte Mason was Christian, but I don't know if she was specifically Catholic. At any rate, it is clear that she and Maria Montessori, who was Catholic, have influenced my philosophy and practices of education heavily, and for me, the Catholic part of Beezy's education must come first. Faith was at the heart of helping children to learn and grow in every area of life for these two lovely ladies. So whether or not I will definitely use the term "unschooling", I will most certainly be teaching my child in the way she should go.

"Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away. Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni! which is to say, Master. Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God."  
( John 20:15-17 )
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Mary Magdalene calls Jesus "Rabonni", the Jewish word meaning My Great Teacher or Master, the title of highest honor. Jesus was (and still is) the greatest teacher of all time, and all Christians are to emulate him. The Bible is full of exhortations to parents to teach their children well, not to allow them to "self-regulate" willy-nilly.  That being said, Jesus did not proscribe to the practices of the traditional teachers of his day. The man was radical. He danced to the beat of God's drum, and God's drum alone. He wanted the children to come to him and said that we must be like children to enter the kingdom of heaven. Children full of awe, wonder, humility, curiosity, innocence, exuberance, and faith. The public schools by and large crush these qualities in children. I fear that in the effort to disassociate from the traditional schools and their methods (which actually aren't the truly traditional ways of America), some homeschoolers have rejected teaching as well as schooling. They have thrown the baby out with the bathwater.


If I decide to be an unschooler, I will mean it in the sense of de-institutionalizing my homeschooling. In fact, the word "homeschooling" doesn't really make sense at all, as the home is a domestic church, not a school by way of the most common definitions. Unschooling better reflects the reality of home-based education, or at least it should.  I will continue to explore and define what unschooling means to me. But one thing is for sure: if I do declare that Catholic unschooling is my style of home education, teacher will not be a dirty word. If it's good enough for my Lord, it's good enough for me.