Polish.

Today I gave myself a pedicure on my balcony sanctuary. Simply having a balcony sanctuary, especially on a lovely, mild, sunny June day, should be good enough to make anyone happy. But I was in a funk today. The week started out with a bit of a traumatic experience. We were at the Renaissance Faire on Father's Day, and "Great Aunt Flo" decided to visit. Luckily I was wearing dark-colored shorts. Such a thing has not happened to me since the 7th grade! As usual, my period wiped my energy out this week, and I didn't feel like doing much. One good piece of advice I learned in Al-Anon was, "Do the next right thing."

Yesterday I did the wrong things. I drank too much coffee, ate too much sugar, and was up not feeling so well in my stomach in the middle of the night. So I began today with an oatmeal breakfast and ginger tea with honey. I would care for myself better, I vowed! I threw in a load of laundry and hand washed a belly dance top I will need tomorrow. I polished my toenails, finally having enough regrowth on the big toe where I had the nail surgically removed. I knew that feeling prettier and not wanting to hide my feet would cheer me up. I also colored my hair to cover the grays. I still really, really didn't wish to practice dancing, but I made myself while my family went to the library. I do feel better. I also helped Beezy with her 4-H dog program book, which I really had no desire to do either.

I had a choice. I could continue to feel overwhelmed and unmotivated, or I could push through the blue fog and carry on. I could take some time to read something edifying, write in my journal, eat healthy, do a little housework, talk to my husband, water my flowers, and bring some joy, even if I had to drag it by the ear, into my day. The sun is still shining as it is going down, and I have the peace of knowing that the day was not wasted. My daughter will read to me tonight, and I'll read to her, and we will say our prayers and go to sleep. Simply abundant. Life.

Catholic Natural Learning

Having established that I could be a radical unschooler, I have decided that this is not the best fit for my family. I have learned so much from all of the reading, talking, writing, praying, and even sometimes obsessing (who, me?) about unschooling since February. I do believe that the Spirit is leading me toward a gentler approach to parenting and homeschooling. Mostly, I think I am being called to more fully engage life. To follow passions and make relationships a top priority. To avoid doing things because I should. To experience more joy.

Those things of which I have written about unschooling that resonate with me are the same ideas that attracted me to Montessori and Charlotte Mason. Many adults that I personally know are disrespectful toward children. I am guilty too, and this is the biggest thing that I want to change. Following my natural rhythms, and giving my child the opportunity to discover hers--this is important. But freedom without limits is nonsense.

The Virgin Mary is my role model exemplar as a wife, mother, and disciple of Jesus. With her guidance, intercession, blessings, grace, and protection, I cannot fail. She knows best the will of Jesus for my life. Jesus and Mary know what is best for my family, and I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit has and will continue to light my way.

All along I have defined Catholic unschooling as a uniting of the Faith, life, and learning into a seamless whole. How that is accomplished will be unique to each family. The concern I have is that "unschooling" is the negation of school. It is "not school". That doesn't give me something solid to embrace. If unschoolers are living as if school does not exist, why use the word school in the description at all? Life learning, natural learning, and organic learning are some examples of a worldview similar to unschooling, but without the baggage. Without the rigidity of "thou shall nots".

So I am taking a break from books and internet searches on the subject of unschooling. I have done my studying, and it is time to get back to making the Catholic faith the center of day-to-day living. I think I'll ditch coffee while I'm at it. Unschooling has given me the permission to free myself and my family from unnecessary shackles. Jesus said, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." I owe unschooling a debt of gratitude, for it led me to my "little way of the fleur de lis".  My home is a domestic church, and our educational lifestyle is Catholic Natural Learning.

Choices.

I was recently visiting with a close friend who has been a public school teacher for many years, working with 7th and 8th graders in language arts. The comment she heard most often from her students about her class was how very much they appreciated the choices she gave them. They chose their own books and writing topics, and believe it or not, she actually gave them regular time in class for silent reading! She even expressed to me that she wishes more parents would do unschooling (life learning) activities with their kids, as the burden of education seems to rest almost exclusively with school teachers.

This brings to mind a strange day in my high school geography class. Our teacher was asking questions to which we students did not have answers. Suddenly he punched the chalk board. If we had been dozing, we woke up then! "It's not your fault," he said dramatically. "Your parents should have taught you these things." How much time do parents of school children have to teach them anything? My friend seemed to think that the school day is not really that long. Yet if kids get on a bus at 7:30 a.m. and do not come home until 3:30 p.m, that is 40 hours a week away from home. Add after school activities such as sports and clubs, and then add a couple hours of homework a night.

Kids are tired. I remember many an evening that I slept right through dinner, woke up to eat by myself and do my homework, figured out what to wear the next day, and went to bed. Today kids have many more distractions in the way of TV, computer use, and video games. The school system, combined with these modern diversions, separates family members from one another and impedes meaningful connections. The peer group at school becomes dominant over relationships with parents and siblings, neighbors, and extended family.

My teacher friend's students loved having real choices. This gave them the opportunity to make their own decisions.  It gave them the impression that they were people whose opinions and preferences mattered.  I remember telling my mom that my 5th grade teacher addressed the students as "people," rather than calling us "children" or "kids." That small gesture signaled respect. That teacher also read to us out loud on a regular basis, even though we could read by ourselves. I loved this teacher. With all the pressure today put on teachers and students in preparing for standardized testing, many teachers cannot find a way to personalize education or encourage individuality, critical thinking, and creativity. Reading out loud to students would seem superfluous.

The world is full of never ending choices. Children need practice in making them. The problem I see is that the goal of school is supposed to be preparing young people for the "real world", as if they have not yet begun to really live.  We become accustomed to always thinking that life will begin only after some educational goal is accomplished, and this continues on to after I get this new job, after I get married, after I lose the weight...The list goes on, the years go by, and life happens, whether or not we fully engage it.  How about if children just live and learn in the real world in the first place? 

Organic Learning FB Group Invitation

I have created a new Facebook group called Organic Learning. This is an extension of the topics discussed here at Organic Mothering, with a focus on gentle, natural homeschooling and parenting styles, and respect for parents, children, and the environment. Organic learning goes in tandem with and is a natural result of attachment parenting. I do not endorse anarchy or a "freedom without limits" mentality, either for adults or children. Please read the description and join the group if you are interested. I want Organic Learning to be a safe place for anyone who wants to learn more, to share ideas and experiences, and to ask questions. People of all faiths and spiritual beliefs are welcome. You do not have to be a homeschooler to join. I just ask that all comments be respectful. Hope to see you there!

Peaceful Borders.

In Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun, author Dayna Martin establishes trusting children in their learning choices as a basic tenet of unschooling. The learning going on in her home is primarily passion-driven. I take no issue with this; in fact, I applaud it.  Radical unschooling extends the unschooling educational philosophy to other areas of parenting, including trusting one's child regarding considerations such as food, media, TV, video games, bed times, potty training, etc... This is where the parameters get murky for me; in some cases I see the connection to trust in natural processes, while in others the distinction isn't clear. The main point of radical unschooling, to me, is love, respect, and gentleness toward children. It is peaceful, mindful, intuitive parenting, not a cart blanche of personal freedom.

Suppose, as a Catholic mother, I do not allow my child to view pornography. This might be interpreted as not trusting my child and trying to "control" him by some radical unschoolers. Is radical unschooling, then, to be understood as the complete abnegation of parental authority? In her blog, Dayna distinguishes between radical unschooling and permissive parenting, stressing that these are not one and the same. She advocates guiding children and providing them with relevant information, and believes in hands on parenting and in trusting your inner guidance in raising them. There seems to be room here for an authentic expression of values.

Therefore, if I value moral safety and believe that pornography viewing would harm my child, setting a limit in this area actually promotes true happiness and freedom and is an exercise of the parental vocation given me by God.  Since "limits" is a hot button word in the RU community, let's think outside the box and use a different moniker. I suggest peaceful borders. Think in terms of an enclosed garden, a sanctuary, or if you will, a domestic church. The borders are there not to wall you away from the rest of the world, but to provide protection and a safe haven for contemplation and the building up of qualities such as self-possession and discernment. Here you can listen to your inner voice and connect with Truth.

Can I promote "peaceful borders" and still be a radical unschooler? I can call myself whatever I want, of course. But the primary definition of "radical" would back me up if I did:  of, relating to, or proceeding from a root.  Interesting that we have here a correlating garden image! The garden speaks of fertility, growth, and natural cycles. "Radical" does not have to mean extremism or fanaticism. Radical unschooling implies rootedness. It does not have to be a complete rejection of all tradition or authority. It does not have to mean allowing children to do whatever they want, whenever they want, although that is the free choice some may make. We can pick from the garden of radical unschooling those areas of flexibility that make sense to us, that speak to our hearts, and that are for the good of our children and our families. We can take what we like and leave the rest.  It is okay if some fruit is forbidden.

Believing in Unschooling, Part 3

It appears that there are indeed Catholic families who practice radical unschooling, and they are not so dissimilar in their philosophy from non-Christian, radical unschoolers. I admit, however, that the internal struggle is still there. I vacillate from feeling the JOY of embracing unschooling and the creeping FEAR of...I don't know--the unknown? Worry about what other people will think? Worry that it won't work, and my child will "fall behind"?

It is summer, which is the perfect time to practice unschooling, when the public schools are closed and most homeschoolers are taking a break from academics. But I don't want to spend the whole summer with the spectre of what will happen in the fall haunting the back of my mind. The most logical thing to do, it seems, is to go from the known to the unknown--a basic Montessori principle. I know that my whole family is more joyful, and all of the relationships in our home have already improved, since I have increasingly focused on the ideas Dayna Martin puts forth in Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun. Just the night before last, for instance, it was getting late, and Beezy decided to rearrange her dollhouse. At first I wanted her to hurry up and put the things away so she could go to bed, but then I added, "but take your time!" She went from looking discouraged to feeling grateful. I respected her need to be doing that project at that moment, and it didn't take her long to finish.

My background as a Montessori teacher provides not only a philosophical touchstone, but a practical one; that is, how exactly might one apply Montessori principles to unschooling? Here is how it worked:  Children in my classroom would be asked if they would like a "presentation" of a particular "work", and they were free to either accept or decline. Most of the time they happily joined in the lesson. I think this approach could be successful with homeschooling lessons as well. Children naturally want to be able to do the things that they see adults and other children doing, and they enjoy having the attention of their parents.

Take a goal I have regarding the Faith. I would like to instill a routine of morning prayers and an evening Rosary. I can simply let my husband and daughter know that I am going to do these things and invite them to join me. They can either accept or decline the invitation. I do agree with unschoolers that internal motivation is much more effective in the learning process and in accomplishing anything in life in general, than the threats of punishment or disapproval hanging over one's head. Montessori used the word seduce, which in Victorian times meant to entice the child to wish to participate. The teacher sits on the floor with a project she is obviously very interested in doing, and the children will flock curiously to her side.

What do you think? I think it's an experiment worth trying, not just for the sake of the children, but for the sake of families. What if radical unschooling (which in it's best form could be called mindful parenting) could bring back the family as God intends it to be, the foundation and bedrock of a healthy, loving, thriving, peaceful, mutually supportive society? Wouldn't it be nice? Yes, but I don't think it is merely something that would be just great but is already too lost to be retrieved from the rubble.  It is possibility.  It is freedom.  It is hope.

School's Out! Now what?

Last Thursday I said to Beezy, "How would you like this to be the last day of school?" Of course she was all for it, so when we completed lessons I said, "Congratulations on finishing this school year. Thank you for being in my class." I shook her hand, and then she raised both fists in the air and shouted, "Outside forever!"  She had told me recently during a school day that she just wanted to be outside running around. I listened. I realized that even doing lessons on the upstairs balcony, with tree branches at arms' length and in the company of the sights and sounds of the outside world, was not enough to curb the feeling that she was missing out. In fact, I think that looking the little birdies in the eye made it worse. There are kittens across the street to visit, squirrels to chase, and toddlers in the neighborhood that want to play. Monday was running-in-the-sprinkler weather. So glad we were done with school!

So here is what we are up to. Yesterday we went to Farmer Jo Ann's for flowers, finally. Less than two weeks ago it got down to freezing over night! While practicing piano, Beezy told me she wished she had lessons every day. She has "written" her own song, and she loves experimenting with sounds on the electronic keyboard. Tuesday she has dog obedience class with Daisy for her 4-H project. Thursday we are going to the circus as part of her birthday, and we are taking a friend of hers who also has a May birthday. We will visit a science museum in Ft. Wayne with another friend this weekend, and then celebrate my grandma's 85th birthday at my cousin's house. The first week of June is Vacation Bible School, which is always a highlight of Beezy's year. The week after that, the pool will open.

As for summer reading, I had the brilliant idea of having Beezy choose her own picture books from the library, and it is working. She chooses to read them. We will do that every couple of weeks. I say this idea was brilliant because it was so obvious. She always picks out videos for herself, but never books. I had to suggest it, and there was a little resistance, but sometimes children do need a gentle push in the right direction. I'm going to find a little basket for her to keep them in.

Life just continues on, and we savor the unique pleasures and opportunities that each season brings. Hopefully the freedom from school lessons will help me to observe closely the ways in which learning happens in every moment of every day and is not separate from the rest of life. Then when fall comes, the shift into "school time" will be merely an organic segue into the next season, rather than an abrupt change. We will be truly unschooling.

Radical Unschooling

Today I bought Dayna Martin's Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun.  I found it on half.com for about $10, a much more reasonable price than what was offered on Ebay and Amazon. It wasn't available from my public library system, and my husband is done teaching at the college where he works an hour away, from which library I sometimes borrow materials. I also want to get away from obsessively researching unschooling online. I want to ween from too much computer use, so I bought the book. I have read postings by Dayna online and watched some of her youtube videos, and now I wish to delve more deeply into the subject. While I certainly don't agree entirely with her parenting philosophy, I think she is definitely onto something, and she expresses herself well in writing.

Dayna is like other radical unschoolers who allow their children unlimited media access. I believe in protecting my child's innocence and guarding her spirit against evil, so I simply can't buy into this practice. All potentially educational resources are not created equal!  For example, reading engages the entire mind, while television actually shuts down certain areas of the brain. It may be true that a child can learn from anything. The problem is in the content and other issues that may be detrimental, such as addiction to TV or video games. It's similar with food. Some foods are addictive and harmful to the body, and to me it is irresponsible to give unlimited access to toxic substances to a child.

But putting those concerns aside for the moment, a post at daynamartin.com really intrigued me, which was about unschooling vs. permissive parenting. She says that radical unschoolers are not neglectful parents and are in fact very "hands on" with their children. And she brought up attachment parenting and how she sees unschooling as an extension of this parenting style. From the beginning of Beezy's life, my husband and I practiced attachment parenting, especially as advocated by Dr. William Sears and his wife Martha, who are a pediatrician and nurse, respectively. We wore our baby in slings and other types of carriers, did not believe in the cry-it-out method of sleep training, practiced co-sleeping, fed her real, whole foods (rather than the baby food in packages), and she breastfed into the pre-school years. In fact, I coined the term, organic mothering (yes, this is my original idea!) to define and provide a continuation of attachment parenting principles for when children are older. That was the guiding force in beginning to write this blog in the first place, along with advertising my belly dance classes.

Dayna has also mentioned other terms to describe unschooling, such as organic learning. If I think of unschooling as a process by which families live in natural ways, with children learning organically through real life experiences, apprenticeships, lessons of their choosing, and via the role modeling of parents and other adults, then I am definitely an unschooler! Even during our formal "lesson time", the materials chosen are enjoyable to my child, and the Charlotte Mason methods that are used are gentle and not textbook bound. We go at our own pace, and the lesson time happens whenever it best fits into our day. Reading, writing, and math are covered, as well as living books on religious, historical, or science-oriented topics for narration. These provide the basic tools for learning about anything. The rest of the state's curriculum requirements can be covered via 4-H projects, piano lessons, and an unschooling lifestyle.

I am excited to read Dayna Martin's book and to get a more intimate picture of her family's lifestyle. While she and her husband are not Catholic homeschoolers, and therefore some of their choices may be in conflict with the Church's teachings on education, they still very obviously care deeply for each other and their children, and their goal is to live life in the fullest, most authentic ways possible, equally for both parents and children. My very favorite unschooling blog right now is called Clean., which is also not about a Christian family, but it is apparent that Rachel, the author, loves her life. I adore her photographs and was inspired to get a nice camera for Mother's Day so I can do something similar here.

We most likely are not going to find others who think and homeschool and parent exactly in the manner we do, so we can take what we like and leave the rest. When I really think about how I teach, there are many avenues to accomplishing education. Any learning being done must be done by the child, and this can happen when the home is a rich environment, when parents role model virtuous ways of living and when they follow their own passions, by the child's own discoveries and experiments, through asking and answering questions, during conversations, and by interactions in the community. And that is certainly not an exhaustive list! Guidance, role modeling, and facilitation are methods of teaching. One of the comments on Dayna's blog by a Christian mother was especially interesting, suggesting that she imagines unschooling to be the closest approximation to how people parented in biblical times.

That seems like enough food for thought for the time being. I will most certainly be reflecting on Dayna Martin's radical unschooling book in posts to come.